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Does everyone remember when Harambe the zoo gorilla became an Internet sensation? The “Dicks Out For Harambe” chants were all over Twitter and many companies capitalized on the animal’s death by making commemorative t-shirts. At first it was ironic and strange to be rallying around a gorilla but it was genuinely funny. This gorilla got gunned down in a Cincinnati zoo and there were “See You Again” parodies.
But then right around the time the t-shirts started getting made it just felt like we were all beating a dead horse didn’t it? This is what happens with all Internet trends. Something gets joked about until it reaches the 40 and over crowd on Facebook and then we as a millennial collective move on to something else. The microwave turkey text, which has taken the Internet by storm over the past couple of weeks, is a trend that I can confidently say will have a similar fate to that of Harambe.
Here’s something I’ve learned in spending time with the opposite sex over the course of 27 years – they are in constant contact with their mothers. I like to give my mom a call once or twice a week just to check in and see what’s new. Women are a different story, though, and whoever created the microwave turkey trend knows this.
Every news outlet in the country is writing about this bullshit with titles like “Microwaving Your Turkey? You Won’t Believe The Hilarious Responses” – fucking kill me please.
The Internet has given us some truly stupid bullshit over the years but this is right up there in terms of awfulness. I think most women are texting their mothers throughout the day exchanging pleasantries and discussing the mundanities of the daughters work life. That’s all well and good. The mother-son dynamic is different than the mother-daughter relationship and that’s okay. But what isn’t okay is thinking that texting your mom about microwaving a turkey is hilarious because it just isn’t.
For starters, most mothers are not up to date on the latest Internet trends. Now obviously this supposes that your mom has no idea you’re fucking with her. This in turn leads to screenshots of texting conversations between mother and daughter, wherein the mother tells the daughter that you cannot microwave a turkey.
Those screenshots go viral and end up on Twitter or Instagram with a caption that usually just has a bunch of crying face emojis.
When it happens on Twitter, the person who tweeted the original screenshot of the text conversation will get a lot of comments from friends about how they’re famous now or you’ll get what is called a “reply tweet”, which will include a link to the person’s venmo or soundcloud account. When it happens on IG, a meme account with twenty million followers slaps that onto their feed and gets some ad money out of it.
Obviously you cannot microwave a turkey. I know girls who have posted their interactions with their mother asking them how long they should microwave a turkey for. A lot of the time the mother will just text back something simple like this – “You can’t microwave a turkey.”
You’d think that this sort of interaction would not be worthy of posting for everyone on the Internet to see but you would be wrong. My feed has become inundated with completely unfunny interactions between mother and daughter, with the daughter helplessly trying to get a reaction from their mom. These girls might as well be typing “Please say something crazy so I can viral online.” This is what this is. It’s a desperate attempt to get some attention online. At least when Harambe went viral it made me laugh for a few days.
This wasn’t funny from the jump but guess what? Even content creators get lazy around the holidays, and whoever created this trend knew girls all over the world would eat this shit up faster than a dog licking up it’s own vomit. Keep those screenshots coming, ladies. I can’t wait to see what your mom thinks about you telling her that you want to microwave a turkey. I can’t wait for Thanksgiving to be over..