The happiest moment of my day was when I realized I left my gym bag at home and couldn’t work out. PGP.

My office is starting a “Biggest Loser” competition.

“I just wanted to give you a quick update…”

I’m in the minority of Americans who actually drink enough water. But only because it’s free and gives me a chance to get up and walk to the break room.

“Can everyone see my screen?”

My mom texts every Friday morning asking me if I have “big plans” for the weekend.

Every time my office has a fire drill I bring my car keys on the far off chance that its real and we’ll get to go home.

My parents strongly suggested that I try online dating.

I’m the only one in the office who can fix the copier when it jams. That’s real job security.

Starting to recognize the same cars every morning on your commute. PGP.