Tosh.O has been replaced by Closing Bell on CNBC. PGP.

I keep re-watching “Office Space” in hopes of getting hypnotized. PGP.

Based off of everyone’s Tinder pictures, I haven’t done shit with my life. PGP.

The only thing I have in common with my 18-year-old brother is that we both want fake IDs saying we are 21. PGP.

“401k” used to be where all the parties went down in our dorm. PGP.

I told my boss I gave up working after lunch for Lent PGP.

The words “Budgets” and “Revenue” now sound like fingernails on a chalkboard PGP.

The online exit interview is the only thing I put effort into during this job

I have no cell service at my cube, so I took up smoking so I can go out back and Tinder PGP.