The sound of typing will be the end of me today.

Assuming a member of the opposite sex is flirting with you when they add you on LinkedIn.

I’ve been sitting at my desk holding both my middle fingers up against my computer screen for 20 minutes now. No one has noticed.

I wouldn’t feel obligated to go to my boss’ funeral.

At what age do I start having hobbies other than drinking? PGP.

“I have a new project for you.” PGP.

Sunday night cold sweats.

Work wife tells me when its her time of the month.