I recently added Anheuser-Busch to my stock portfolio. Now my unbridled drinking habit is an investment. PGP.

Now I get why people buy lottery tickets. PGP.

My financial adviser described my drinking habit as “financially irresponsible.” PGP.

Needing your tax refund to come as soon as possible. PGP.

Actually using condoms. PGP.

Hyperlinked our company’s website to a Rick Roll video in my email signature. PGPM.

My only LinkedIn profile views from the past month are from my mother and a Catholic Deacon from Maine. PGP.

Getting upset if you poop before you get to work. PGP.

Another day, another dollar. Well after taxes and inflation, it’s more like 72 cents. PGP.

It’s not that I’m antisocial, it’s just that I don’t give a fuck anymore. PGP.