U. of Minnesota grad here – don’t let us off the hook, the only reason it’s probably not widely known how terrible MN fans are is because of how irrelevant we usually are.
2/3 of the fanbase is grumpy old men who suffer from delusions of grandeur. The University stupidly keeps ticket prices so high that these old assholes with nothing better to do are the only ones who can afford to regularly go to games. We finally have young, energetic, and smart coaches heading up the football and basketball programs who are recruiting talent on a level (and quantity) neither program has seen before, and the grumpy old men hate them because we haven’t instantly become a powerhouse overnight and because their idea of a good coach is some crusty asshole old enough to be collecting Social Security with a stick up his ass the size of the Mississippi.
The student section at football games is a joke. The university boasts a state of the art, 9 year old stadium that serves beer (only stadium that does so in the B1G West), right on the edge of campus in a location central to the freshman dorms, Frat Row, and most of the off-campus housing, and it only costs something like $100 for full-season tickets to the student section. Any given Saturday, it’s still 75% empty. The excuse changes with the direction the wind is blowing. The most common one is the lack of winning, but even in seasons in which we were tied for or one game off the division lead with a chance to win it that came down to the final weekend, nobody is there. Next most common excuse is the weather, but even on very unseasonably warm weekends late in the season, no one is there. On the occasions when the weather actually is that bad, literally no one is there, but there will still be no shortage of Minnesotans online acting like they’re special and tough as if they’re actively dealing with the shitty weather they’re staying inside to avoid.
At our lowest point amid a 14-year losing streak to Wisconsin, the last several home games of this, our school’s top rivalry game, we would consistently be outnumbered by Badger fans at our own stadium by a ratio of 3 or 4 to 1. Maybe that will turn around next season after we finally beat those fuckers in Madison this year, but I’m not holding my breath. Our next biggest rival, Iowa, also typically outnumbers us about 2 to 1 at our home games, but don’t you worry. If and as soon as this team reaches any modicum of national prominence, you are going to see scores and scores of Minnesota fans come out of the woodwork pretending they’ve been die hard supporters of the team all along, and acting like they’re better than you for it. Just don’t ask where they are now, because they’re nowhere to be found.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk! Fuck the Badgers.
Indoor parking at home, covered ramp at work, walk the skyway to the office, and I don’t have to deal with the elements when I don’t want to. Makes winter a lot less depressing.
I couldn’t stand him before but have definitely caught myself coming around to him. Certainly helps his case that the quality of announcers around the league is so bad. Nantz/Romo and Michaels/Collinsworth are the only broadcast pairs I can even bear to keep the sound on for anymore. And I’m a scumbag Pats fan so I guess his big hard on for Brady doesn’t bother me, much like Cowboys fans still living in the 90’s probably fucking love listening to Aikman every week lol
Now here’s a guy everyone used to hate, but he has been such a steady, reliable presence in the booth who has really stepped up his game as the quality of broadcasting around the league has fallen off a cliff. Nantz and Romo are holding it down well over at CBS but then you have the Buck/Aikman weekly Cowboys lovefest on FOX even when the Cowboys aren’t playing, the incredibly boring Ian Eagle anchoring CBS’ B squad, and don’t even get me started on the Titanic-level shipwreck in the MNF booth. Absolutely turrible as our man Chuck Barkley would say. Kudos to Collinsworth, like a fine wine he is getting better and better with age. Must be some of Michaels rubbing off on him because Al is truly the GOAT when it comes to sports announcers.
2. My attire consists of boxers and a t shirt/robe/basketball jersey/no shirt roughly 90% of the time
3. Don’t have to worry about anyone stealing my food
4. Girls, parents, and friends alike are impressed that I’m a 25 year old male living by myself like an adult in a clean apartment that is tastefully decorated and stocked with actual food
5. It now feels foreign to close the door when using the bathroom or sleeping
1. remember people’s birthdays
2. easy for coordinating group plans
3. to sign in to shit like Bumble and Airbnb and Spotify without having to type in my email and shit lol
These wannabe “speakeasy” bars are just dimly lit back rooms or basements filled with cornballs who post pictures of their drink on Instagram and get a really good bargain from their weed dealer at $50 a g.
I’ve had two labs that both made it to 12. Hate to ruin your day but each dog was aging really gracefully through 10 and 11 but once they turned 12 something changed and they went downhill so quickly. Prepare yourself, I guess is what I’m saying because it hits like a sucker punch.
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Been lurking for years and finally started commenting in the past year so I can’t help but feel like this is somehow my fault. Sorry, guys. 🙁
I have a lot of feelings, okay! lol
Hey I’m rowing hard, guy! Huge Fleck fan. Not a fan of the shittier segments of our fanbase, or any of the old pricks who write for the Strib.
U. of Minnesota grad here – don’t let us off the hook, the only reason it’s probably not widely known how terrible MN fans are is because of how irrelevant we usually are.
2/3 of the fanbase is grumpy old men who suffer from delusions of grandeur. The University stupidly keeps ticket prices so high that these old assholes with nothing better to do are the only ones who can afford to regularly go to games. We finally have young, energetic, and smart coaches heading up the football and basketball programs who are recruiting talent on a level (and quantity) neither program has seen before, and the grumpy old men hate them because we haven’t instantly become a powerhouse overnight and because their idea of a good coach is some crusty asshole old enough to be collecting Social Security with a stick up his ass the size of the Mississippi.
The student section at football games is a joke. The university boasts a state of the art, 9 year old stadium that serves beer (only stadium that does so in the B1G West), right on the edge of campus in a location central to the freshman dorms, Frat Row, and most of the off-campus housing, and it only costs something like $100 for full-season tickets to the student section. Any given Saturday, it’s still 75% empty. The excuse changes with the direction the wind is blowing. The most common one is the lack of winning, but even in seasons in which we were tied for or one game off the division lead with a chance to win it that came down to the final weekend, nobody is there. Next most common excuse is the weather, but even on very unseasonably warm weekends late in the season, no one is there. On the occasions when the weather actually is that bad, literally no one is there, but there will still be no shortage of Minnesotans online acting like they’re special and tough as if they’re actively dealing with the shitty weather they’re staying inside to avoid.
At our lowest point amid a 14-year losing streak to Wisconsin, the last several home games of this, our school’s top rivalry game, we would consistently be outnumbered by Badger fans at our own stadium by a ratio of 3 or 4 to 1. Maybe that will turn around next season after we finally beat those fuckers in Madison this year, but I’m not holding my breath. Our next biggest rival, Iowa, also typically outnumbers us about 2 to 1 at our home games, but don’t you worry. If and as soon as this team reaches any modicum of national prominence, you are going to see scores and scores of Minnesota fans come out of the woodwork pretending they’ve been die hard supporters of the team all along, and acting like they’re better than you for it. Just don’t ask where they are now, because they’re nowhere to be found.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk! Fuck the Badgers.
I love dill pickles, I’ll take ’em
Indoor parking at home, covered ramp at work, walk the skyway to the office, and I don’t have to deal with the elements when I don’t want to. Makes winter a lot less depressing.
Year round iced coffee drinker from Minneapolis checking in, don’t care if it makes me psycho it tastes better.
Emrick is certainly up there. I think my favorite announcers/color guys would be Michaels, Emrick, Vin Scully, and Dennis Eckersly in that order.
Sheesh, tough crowd.
19th: agree, Emrick is great. Love watching hockey on NBCSN just to hear him.
I couldn’t stand him before but have definitely caught myself coming around to him. Certainly helps his case that the quality of announcers around the league is so bad. Nantz/Romo and Michaels/Collinsworth are the only broadcast pairs I can even bear to keep the sound on for anymore. And I’m a scumbag Pats fan so I guess his big hard on for Brady doesn’t bother me, much like Cowboys fans still living in the 90’s probably fucking love listening to Aikman every week lol
Now here’s a guy everyone used to hate, but he has been such a steady, reliable presence in the booth who has really stepped up his game as the quality of broadcasting around the league has fallen off a cliff. Nantz and Romo are holding it down well over at CBS but then you have the Buck/Aikman weekly Cowboys lovefest on FOX even when the Cowboys aren’t playing, the incredibly boring Ian Eagle anchoring CBS’ B squad, and don’t even get me started on the Titanic-level shipwreck in the MNF booth. Absolutely turrible as our man Chuck Barkley would say. Kudos to Collinsworth, like a fine wine he is getting better and better with age. Must be some of Michaels rubbing off on him because Al is truly the GOAT when it comes to sports announcers.
Shitting with the door open rules. Other perks I forgot about:
6. My lame excuses to bail on going out when I feel like staying in always work because there is no one else around to catch me in a lie
7. Whacking it on MY schedule, without headphones
8. Easier for me to bring my A game to the ladies on the home turf when I don’t have to worry about privacy
1. It’s as clean or messy as I want it to be
2. My attire consists of boxers and a t shirt/robe/basketball jersey/no shirt roughly 90% of the time
3. Don’t have to worry about anyone stealing my food
4. Girls, parents, and friends alike are impressed that I’m a 25 year old male living by myself like an adult in a clean apartment that is tastefully decorated and stocked with actual food
5. It now feels foreign to close the door when using the bathroom or sleeping
Only reasons I still keep a facebook profile:
1. remember people’s birthdays
2. easy for coordinating group plans
3. to sign in to shit like Bumble and Airbnb and Spotify without having to type in my email and shit lol
These wannabe “speakeasy” bars are just dimly lit back rooms or basements filled with cornballs who post pictures of their drink on Instagram and get a really good bargain from their weed dealer at $50 a g.
I’ve had two labs that both made it to 12. Hate to ruin your day but each dog was aging really gracefully through 10 and 11 but once they turned 12 something changed and they went downhill so quickly. Prepare yourself, I guess is what I’m saying because it hits like a sucker punch.
I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING
There are people who think it’s disgusting to let your dog sleep in the bed with you? There’s a word for those people: monsters.
You can keep your fancy cheeses, just give me a couple packs of prosciutto I can go to town on and l’m happy.
I’d do unspeakable things to get Lottza Mottza to come out with a buffalo chicken flavor