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As of this month, and for the first time in my life, I officially have no roommates. And it. Is. Freeing. No one else’s dishes in the sink. No one else to share the TV with. The only person I have to care about in this apartment is myself. For about a month, until my girlfriend moves in, that is. But for now, I can finally see the reasons that so many people like to live alone. Reasons such as:
The place is so much cleaner.
Was my roommate a clean person? Absolutely? Am I a clean person? Also yes. Did our apartment ever stay clean for more than a few days? Not even once. Despite both of us cleaning and doing our chores, two people stacked up in a small apartment just generate dirt. Also, while a shared responsibility towards cleaning can be helpful, it can also be harmful if both people assume what needs to be cleaned is the other person’s responsibility. Now, the liability of keeping the place clean rests solely on my shoulders, and frankly, that’s easier for me. Yes, I spent 12 hours on Wednesday cleaning the apartment from top to bottom, but since then, it’s remained cleaner than it would have a month ago.
I can walk around naked.
This has to be the biggest reason anyone lives alone. In the last week, I’ve been naked about 80% of the time I’m in the apartment. Watching TV? My butt is planted directly on the couch. Cranking out some home pull-ups? I’m letting it hang out. Pan-searing some steak? You know I’m in the nude (and likely going to end up with an extremely painful grease burn). The point is, if you’ve ever sat on any surface in a person who lives alone’s apartment, that surface has also touched their butt. Take that information for better or for worse.
I can finally turn my apartment into the sauna I’ve always wanted.
I like to be warm. I was born in California, briefly lived in Israel, and then moved back to California for the majority of my life. My ideal temperate us in the mid-eighties. Needless to say, the Chicago weather is not ideal for me, but I can handle it because of two things. One, I bitch constantly throughout the fall, winter, and much of spring. Two, I stay warm when I’m at home. And I’m not talking about bundling up in a 68-degree room. I’m talking about keeping the thermostat at a comfortable 74-degrees. My roommate, as a normal person with normal temperature preferences, was not down for that. But now, I’m free to pay a fortune in gas and electricity all winter long.
I can finally watch TV in peace.
With a roommate, watching TV was a social activity. We would discuss each Game Of Thrones episode (he would explain what was going on to me), we would talk football on Sundays (I would explain what was going on to him), and we would share shows and movies with each other. From laughing at a standup comic, to making fun of a bad movie, to sitting three feet apart and not looking at each other when an emotional scene came on, we watched most things together. But now, if I want to watch a movie, I get to really watch it. There’s no one to talk to about what I’m seeing, or, uh, enjoy stuff with. It’s just so nice to watch stuff in complete silence. Just so cool. Love it.
I can drink alone.
Oh, hell yeah. Nothing better than coming home after a long day, cracking a cold one, and, uh, watching TV? Drinking a glass of wine while cooking? Yeah, that sounds like stuff people enjoy, right? And me, of course. I’m one of those people. Looove getting a nice buzz on and then having no one to chill with. Doesn’t feel lonely or boring at all. And, as a bonus, when I want to go out, I get to pregame alone. No one to take shots with me or have a beer on the back porch. Just so much better, guys.
The apartment is finally quiet all the time.
Just so fucking quiet. Almost like it’s empty. Because it is. Just me, and my own apartment. So nice and peaceful. There’s nothing more enjoyable than – oh god I can’t do it anymore. I hate living alone. This month is a nightmare. Austin, come back. I miss you. I miss us. All I do now is go home and be alone with my thoughts. My thoughts. Do you guys know how terrifying that is? Why would anyone choose this life? I can’t wait until my girlfriend moves in. .