I don’t even know what my New Year’s resolution was for 2014. I do know that I didn’t keep it. PGP.

Showing my boss – who makes a quarter of a million dollars a year – how to make “cool bullet sounds” for his PowerPoint presentation. PGP.

The back of my cube is a wall, so no one can see my screen. I feel like a god. PGP.

ALL CAPS IS INDUSTRY STANDARD. i FORGET TO TURN IT OFF OCCASIONALLY AND EVERYONE THINKS I’M YELLING ON FACEBOOK. PGP.

When the quality of your weekend hinges on the Coinstar at Safeway being fixed, you start to rethink some of your life choices. PGP.

I was the first person in the office to get sick since the Ebola scare. Everyone thinks I have Ebola. PGP.

The high school kids near my office drive nicer cars than me. PGP.

Anyone that signs their emails with “Cheers” can go to hell. PGP.

“Crushing spreadsheets” is actually a term I catch myself using often. PGP.

Finally typed up my two week notice. Realized I have no idea who it goes to in our company and no one will tell me. I literally cannot quit. PGP.