Caroline Gould is a personal branding expert and career consultant based in Washington, D.C. Her signature program is called Self Discovery School. She also writes a weekly advice column on Post Grad Problems. Submit your question or find out more on delphiknowthyself.com
I did Blueprint before my wedding reception. All the sugar made me crazy; I couldn’t sleep so I drank wine to get tired. And I lost zero pounds. I was out $180 for a three day cleanse. WHY DO WE KEEP DOING THIS TO OURSELVES?
Hi Taylor- find a therapist that takes credit cards or insurance and GET the therapy. Speaking from concern for you. Glad you are not selling yourself for sprees at Saks, but this was still hard to read. Yes, you can be financially successful without sitting on Mr. Luxury’s lap while you are still young. I am sure many women on here can attest to that.
NO, do not ask the waitress. She is there to work. Complain about your peach margarita being late while meanwhile asking fifty times “Hey can you take one with mineeee toooo?” My skin always crawls when I’m in a girl group that does this to a server.
And to add one more thought. I think everyone is entitled…to what they’re worth and reasonable treatment. Don’t be a brash boob and make egotistical demands for things have not earned/ are wildly out of scope , but also don’t be afraid of standing up for your salary, benefits, or schedule. It’s ok to get candid and negotiate. I think a lot of people in this generation, as I’ve said before, are too painted into a “take what you can get.” If you’re good, somewhere good won’t want to loose you-ask for what you need.
But I have to disagree, I personally DO feel entitled to my good salary, work/life balance (I wouldn’t work somewhere again where the culture was so inimical to it) and getting my first office was like Christmas morning. I work hard; I get my work done. Others on here do too, and rewards and expectations to accompany that are ok.
Cultivate your corporate “rider” as you climb the ladder, as long as it’s reasonable and reflective of your track record – ask for it. If you’ve won a lot, you deserve a lot.
Great advice. Job-changing is where you see the significant deltas in salary. I agree, the higher up you get, (and more so when THEY come to YOU) you are more empowered to talk schedule and boundaries up front.
Awesome suggestions. Cannot agree more on networking and changing jobs. Those are the two MOST uncomfortable work activities for many people. Lean into your edge or you’ll never grow.
I do agree with you, we do have our destiny in our hands. If our soul is crushed to the point where we’ve lost a significant portion of our lives and who we are– it is time (or hopefully before that), for health and safety (if anything else) to look elsewhere for that paycheck. Hence, my offering of a comprehensive way to do so. (I also really like PeptoBismal’s points below, dagoofjohn is also dead on re networking). In addition, in my work I see many people in “victim mode” who are like a mouse in a maze, and just want to shut every door out closed–because–as weird as it sounds, that mode can create a safeness that’s comforting and can be addictive–as it prevents us from having to make that bold move.
But…being triggered by being bombarded during your wedding weekend, while you’re in labor, newly bereaved, hospitalized (or equivalent) and of course the “staying for the sake of staying” –that’s not whining. That’s drawing a very reasonable boundary. I feel in the work world we have an imbalance of power that has spun massively out of control where a major shift needs to be made– and thinking so isn’t a quixotic Disney Movie mindset. I saw Anne Marie Slaughter speak last week, and she mentioned the key to her success was vacation. She continued, “Although we have the data, we do not use it.” For whatever reason, the US has the unique perspective on piling on and on more hours without breaks, though, as continually proven– it does not have an upside of any kind
In several industries you “sign on” for these hours as part of the job. I think it comes down to mutual management of expectations and making well-being a priority. When you lose your ability to maintain a hold on the latter–you will eventually find yourself slipping in every other area.
I am glad you found the time to break and right this (I mean that completely non-snarkily). Hope to see you again.
This while probably get meh’ed but I just have to say it –holy shit Pete and Pete. Thank you. Big Pete was my first nudge into knowing what physical attraction was(way before gingers were a Buzzfeed troupe). Now if you’ll excuse me for the next few minutes…
Employed and Depressed: Congratulations on your move and all your recent offers! I always say your resume is your front door and LinkedIn is your face. Lots more people see your face. With your front door, you have the people you invite (jobs you apply to) the people who regularly walk by (Indeed and other resume posting sites, recruiters with it on file), and friends who drop by all the time and know you well (friends, family, and colleagues who can recommend you)
There are only certain avenues to your resume where LinkedIn is pretty public. So please, make like Mr. Ed and show it some love.
I had one I thought I’d waltz out of as I was entertaining an offer from a local competitor. Then I went to the attorney who told me there is “no way he’d want to be on the other side of this.” Yikes. You were smart to go to one too. If you have a NC I think it’s really important to have a lawyer from YOUR state look at YOUR non compete and advise.
We had an architect with one who came over to our firm without mentioning it. Threatening letter from his old employer within days. Had to move him off project he was hired to work on (annoying and I’m sure disappointing for him) to avoid suit. We sent him to another sector, but we really didn’t need help there– we needed it for what we hired him for.
Hey Johnny- were into Q4 so I’m guessing this was a while ago? (unless they do different FY). I’m really sorry- ouch. Was there at least severance? How are you doing now?
Hey! More so a fun, engaging activity than a “gig” ; I like to write and connect with people and I’ve found PGP to be a really great place. I really think our generation just needs to connect more on our shared, specific issues of career challenges (and bed shitting, ha ) Just happy to be here.
I’m not sure what gave me more throwback nausea–this or the blue Boome Farms reference in the Get My Girlfriend on a Reality Show article. Days I do not miss on both fronts. Woof.
Good for you guys! Virtual high-five. I actually wrote this fucker a while ago and since then I’ve remembered something I left out that may help you guys.
Watch out for the counter offer. It’s can be a giant cockmeat sandwich in sheep’s clothing.
I said in the second “Nothing is Sacred” article that it’s important to communicate frustrations to your current employer because they’ll likely roll with you some to spare the pain in the ass of replacing you. (True, they may also like you, and even more true if you’re pretty senior ). Same is true with quitting. Like a gf/BF you’ve had it with, they may vow to change and guilt you–while sweetening the pot in the process. More money, a move to another department, gifting you the Northern Exposure box set, promises to changes their errent ways–beware. Know how long it *really* takes for companies to make any significant change (if they ever do) and also, 25 year old me would punch me for this…but more cash isn’t always the answer and may not make it more bearable to stay there. You may end up sorely wishing you stood your ground.
Unless what they are offering you is a “Hell yes” and you really believe them, want it, and are willing to be patient– it’s a “Hell no” and you stay your fucking ground. Also, accept that counter and your firm may want something in return-contract, non compete, etc to make sure your disloyal ass doesn’t try to pull this shit again. Oh yeah, and they may be bitter toward you for a while for trying to leave.
I took one counter once, and released my in hand offer to a great job in NYC. More money, promises to change, and days off to commute for my part time MBA program were my bait. I took it, my feelings changed zero and I was gone baby gone (for good) two months later, feeling like I had “lost time.”
Curious about other people’s experience with counter offers, too. Anyone similar ? Or conversely , strike gold?
I’m heading into an event, sorry this is kind of rushed and probably full of typos – but I wanted to make sure you got this with some time to mull and before your grand announcement tomorrow. Good luck and let us know how goes!
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I did Blueprint before my wedding reception. All the sugar made me crazy; I couldn’t sleep so I drank wine to get tired. And I lost zero pounds. I was out $180 for a three day cleanse. WHY DO WE KEEP DOING THIS TO OURSELVES?
I really hope Papa Madoff writes under a pen name for Cosmo or is a gynecologist. Or maybe a division leader at Welcome Wagon.
Shawn as number one. Yes. Next to big Pete…hello preteen Caroline’s sexual awakening.
Hi Taylor- find a therapist that takes credit cards or insurance and GET the therapy. Speaking from concern for you. Glad you are not selling yourself for sprees at Saks, but this was still hard to read. Yes, you can be financially successful without sitting on Mr. Luxury’s lap while you are still young. I am sure many women on here can attest to that.
Get empowered and good luck.
NO, do not ask the waitress. She is there to work. Complain about your peach margarita being late while meanwhile asking fifty times “Hey can you take one with mineeee toooo?” My skin always crawls when I’m in a girl group that does this to a server.
And to add one more thought. I think everyone is entitled…to what they’re worth and reasonable treatment. Don’t be a brash boob and make egotistical demands for things have not earned/ are wildly out of scope , but also don’t be afraid of standing up for your salary, benefits, or schedule. It’s ok to get candid and negotiate. I think a lot of people in this generation, as I’ve said before, are too painted into a “take what you can get.” If you’re good, somewhere good won’t want to loose you-ask for what you need.
But I have to disagree, I personally DO feel entitled to my good salary, work/life balance (I wouldn’t work somewhere again where the culture was so inimical to it) and getting my first office was like Christmas morning. I work hard; I get my work done. Others on here do too, and rewards and expectations to accompany that are ok.
Cultivate your corporate “rider” as you climb the ladder, as long as it’s reasonable and reflective of your track record – ask for it. If you’ve won a lot, you deserve a lot.
Great advice. Job-changing is where you see the significant deltas in salary. I agree, the higher up you get, (and more so when THEY come to YOU) you are more empowered to talk schedule and boundaries up front.
Congrats on getting there.
Awesome suggestions. Cannot agree more on networking and changing jobs. Those are the two MOST uncomfortable work activities for many people. Lean into your edge or you’ll never grow.
You may have created the buzz-phrase of the decade. Run quickly and trademark it…so you never have to work again!
Am I fucking Methuselah? I thought “dank” was the word used to describe the smell of the old ass version of Clue in your grandparents’ basement.
I like this.
I do agree with you, we do have our destiny in our hands. If our soul is crushed to the point where we’ve lost a significant portion of our lives and who we are– it is time (or hopefully before that), for health and safety (if anything else) to look elsewhere for that paycheck. Hence, my offering of a comprehensive way to do so. (I also really like PeptoBismal’s points below, dagoofjohn is also dead on re networking). In addition, in my work I see many people in “victim mode” who are like a mouse in a maze, and just want to shut every door out closed–because–as weird as it sounds, that mode can create a safeness that’s comforting and can be addictive–as it prevents us from having to make that bold move.
But…being triggered by being bombarded during your wedding weekend, while you’re in labor, newly bereaved, hospitalized (or equivalent) and of course the “staying for the sake of staying” –that’s not whining. That’s drawing a very reasonable boundary. I feel in the work world we have an imbalance of power that has spun massively out of control where a major shift needs to be made– and thinking so isn’t a quixotic Disney Movie mindset. I saw Anne Marie Slaughter speak last week, and she mentioned the key to her success was vacation. She continued, “Although we have the data, we do not use it.” For whatever reason, the US has the unique perspective on piling on and on more hours without breaks, though, as continually proven– it does not have an upside of any kind
In several industries you “sign on” for these hours as part of the job. I think it comes down to mutual management of expectations and making well-being a priority. When you lose your ability to maintain a hold on the latter–you will eventually find yourself slipping in every other area.
I am glad you found the time to break and right this (I mean that completely non-snarkily). Hope to see you again.
This while probably get meh’ed but I just have to say it –holy shit Pete and Pete. Thank you. Big Pete was my first nudge into knowing what physical attraction was(way before gingers were a Buzzfeed troupe). Now if you’ll excuse me for the next few minutes…
I almost wrote about Juicy Campus…but didn’t want to reinstate my PTSD over it. NO THANK YOU SENIOR SPRING!
Employed and Depressed: Congratulations on your move and all your recent offers! I always say your resume is your front door and LinkedIn is your face. Lots more people see your face. With your front door, you have the people you invite (jobs you apply to) the people who regularly walk by (Indeed and other resume posting sites, recruiters with it on file), and friends who drop by all the time and know you well (friends, family, and colleagues who can recommend you)
There are only certain avenues to your resume where LinkedIn is pretty public. So please, make like Mr. Ed and show it some love.
I had one I thought I’d waltz out of as I was entertaining an offer from a local competitor. Then I went to the attorney who told me there is “no way he’d want to be on the other side of this.” Yikes. You were smart to go to one too. If you have a NC I think it’s really important to have a lawyer from YOUR state look at YOUR non compete and advise.
We had an architect with one who came over to our firm without mentioning it. Threatening letter from his old employer within days. Had to move him off project he was hired to work on (annoying and I’m sure disappointing for him) to avoid suit. We sent him to another sector, but we really didn’t need help there– we needed it for what we hired him for.
He was laid off within a year.
Thank you! I’d love to be your friend! Send me a message through my website or Twitter? #notweirdright?
Hey Johnny- were into Q4 so I’m guessing this was a while ago? (unless they do different FY). I’m really sorry- ouch. Was there at least severance? How are you doing now?
Hey! More so a fun, engaging activity than a “gig” ; I like to write and connect with people and I’ve found PGP to be a really great place. I really think our generation just needs to connect more on our shared, specific issues of career challenges (and bed shitting, ha ) Just happy to be here.
Don’t worry, I didn’t think it was sarcastic.
I’m not sure what gave me more throwback nausea–this or the blue Boome Farms reference in the Get My Girlfriend on a Reality Show article. Days I do not miss on both fronts. Woof.
KoolAide and CornerOrifice-
Good for you guys! Virtual high-five. I actually wrote this fucker a while ago and since then I’ve remembered something I left out that may help you guys.
Watch out for the counter offer. It’s can be a giant cockmeat sandwich in sheep’s clothing.
I said in the second “Nothing is Sacred” article that it’s important to communicate frustrations to your current employer because they’ll likely roll with you some to spare the pain in the ass of replacing you. (True, they may also like you, and even more true if you’re pretty senior ). Same is true with quitting. Like a gf/BF you’ve had it with, they may vow to change and guilt you–while sweetening the pot in the process. More money, a move to another department, gifting you the Northern Exposure box set, promises to changes their errent ways–beware. Know how long it *really* takes for companies to make any significant change (if they ever do) and also, 25 year old me would punch me for this…but more cash isn’t always the answer and may not make it more bearable to stay there. You may end up sorely wishing you stood your ground.
Unless what they are offering you is a “Hell yes” and you really believe them, want it, and are willing to be patient– it’s a “Hell no” and you stay your fucking ground. Also, accept that counter and your firm may want something in return-contract, non compete, etc to make sure your disloyal ass doesn’t try to pull this shit again. Oh yeah, and they may be bitter toward you for a while for trying to leave.
I took one counter once, and released my in hand offer to a great job in NYC. More money, promises to change, and days off to commute for my part time MBA program were my bait. I took it, my feelings changed zero and I was gone baby gone (for good) two months later, feeling like I had “lost time.”
Curious about other people’s experience with counter offers, too. Anyone similar ? Or conversely , strike gold?
I’m heading into an event, sorry this is kind of rushed and probably full of typos – but I wanted to make sure you got this with some time to mull and before your grand announcement tomorrow. Good luck and let us know how goes!