I deleted the Bumble app, but not my account six months ago. Today my girlfriend got a series of screenshots from her sister when she came across my profile. PGP.

“Please let do not hesitate to reach out if you have any questions.” directly translates to “This conversation is over and I hope to never hear from you again.” PGP.

Coworkers that ask “Where’d you go?” when you return from taking a shit. PGP.

“If I had worked this hard in college I would have gotten a 4.0.” PGP.

Coworkers that audibly eat at their desks. PGP.

Planning to do nothing for the weekend so it goes by as slowly as possible. PGP.

When someone follows you into the bathroom then takes the stall next to yours. PGP.

Colleagues that make jokes in public that people would only understand if they work here. PGP.

Holding your morning dump until you get to the office as a form of procrastination. PGP.

Getting reprimanded for putting Last Chance U in the Education section of my company profile. PGP.