The only text you get all day is from your FitBit telling you you’ve done zero minutes of physical activity today. PGP.

I’m not starting work until I’m done being hungover. PGP.

Mastering the art of looking busy and maintaing zero productivity. PGP.

Was I supposed to lie when my boss asked if I liked my job? PGP.

Being jealous of your cat every morning you leave for work. PGP.

My friend got engaged last night. I went home and sent weird messages on Tinder. PGP.