Rearranging my apps was the most productive thing I’ve done all day.

Having an inferior credit card rewards program than your friends. PGP.

My life goal is to be so successful that it hurts my ex girlfriends feelings. PGP

My only Tinder match for the week has been the Bud Light Down for Whatever profile. PGP

I still throw up in parking lots. PGP.

I haven’t had a tinder match in weeks. PGP

Still using a painted “Formal 2010” cooler. #PGP

Just got my first hemorrhoid. PGP.