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Figuring out where to live after graduation can be mind-numbingly difficult. It’s like shopping for cars, or deciding on a college. When you were little, it seemed like options were limitless, until suddenly it was time to choose one. Luckily, Time released a personality test that chooses the best state for you, so you can embrace your laziness and have someone else make your decisions for you, just like any good millennial should. It’s just like a Cosmo personality quiz, only you can take it in public without worrying that people are watching you. My state of choice is apparently Louisiana, where I happen to already live, so I’m partial to believing it’s perfect. This test is basically a sorting hat, Harry Potter style, but for life.
The findings are surprising, and you might end up somewhere you never thought of, so start packing your bags now. It’s perfectly fine to quit your job because an online quiz told you that you have to move, or so I hear. A wrap-up of the study shows that the more extroverted you are, the more likely you are to end up in Wisconsin. Enjoy the cheese. If you’re not a huge fan of social interaction, you’ll do best in Vermont. I guess if I had all that Ben & Jerry’s at my disposal, it’s unclear if I would ever want to leave my house, either. Utah is the most agreeable place in the US, while D.C. is the least, which should surprise absolutely no one.
South Carolina was ranked most conscientious, while Maine was deemed least conscientious. West Virginia is the most neurotic state. While I would have gone with New York, I’m sure years of inbreeding most certainly has the potential to create some seriously neurotic human beings. (I’m sorry, it was too easy. Plus, I have no plans to visit West Virginia, so I’m pretty sure I’m safe). Utah is the least neurotic, so maybe we should all look into recreating Big Love and moving there together.
Before you start complaining bitterly that the map sorting hat made you a Hufflepuff but you totally know you’d be in Gryffindor, you need to realize that it took over 13 years to compile and they surveyed 1.6 million people. Alaska and Hawaii weren’t included because they couldn’t find enough participants, so if you’re supposed to live there you’ll have to figure that out on your own by planning a ridiculously expensive vacation, for “research.” The people surveyed were quizzed on their openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness and neuroticism, labels forming a handy acronym: “OCEAN,” which sounds like something a dating website would advertise. After the participants were surveyed, the country was broken down into three regions: New England and the Mid-Atlantic states, which are “temperamental and uninhibited,” the South and Midwest, which are “friendly and conventional,” and the West Coast, Rocky Mountains and Sun Belt, seen as “relaxed and creative.” While I appreciate the friendly label, I could do without the conventional tag, but hey, it’s nice to have confirmation that I’m in the perfect state for me. So if you’re tired of writing pro/con lists, aimlessly attempting to find out where you’re supposed to start your adult life, this is the quiz for you, whether you agree with the outcome or not.