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So, you finally did it. You hooked up with a coworker. Congratulations, I bet you feel real great about yourself. Running home to tell all of your buddies that you drilled the hottest accountant and showed how you Excel in the sheets. Sure, you got a bunch of cheers and high fives, but this feeling of invincibility is only going to last you the weekend. Your Sunday Scaries are going to be extra scary this time around because now you have to face the reality of shitting where you eat come Monday.
Let me paint a nice little picture for you, may I? You’re about to head home from a nice, long day of sucking the corporate world’s fictional D. That’s when you see your one night stand coworker about to join you in the elevator lobby of your floor. You both know there is no turning back, so you just give each other a smile and ride the elevator down (insert joke about going down on her, you dirty dog, you) in silence. Fun right?
Okay, you say the odds of that happening until some time has passed are lower than Tim Tebow’s odds of becoming a hall of fame QB? Call me Bob Ross, because I have more of these gorgeous fucking pictures, so allow me.
Let’s say you get thirsty and decide to head to the kitchen for something to drink. This is a routine thing you do everyday without even thinking about it. That is until post coworker hookup. Your palms are sweating the whole walk down the hall. You try to assure yourself that you won’t see her, but once you turn that corner you want to let out a big ‘ol “FUCK.” Of course she had to choose to get a snack at the same time you were dying of thirst. Now you have to say hi, walk to the fridge while wondering what she thought of your manhood, thrusting ability, and complete lack of sustainability in bed.
Encounters in the office aren’t even the worst part of this whole thing; it’s what happens at social gatherings. You’re both obviously young and enthusiastic about life, so of course both of you are going to attend the office happy hours and parties. Now you have to worry about the very thing that got you into this situation: alcohol. We all know the truths start flowing when booze starts flowing, so you’re going to have to be careful. At the same time, you’re going to have to hope the person on the other side of this flop-on-top fest can be careful as well. You’ll end up hating your night because you’re so stressed, so good job, you ruined that for yourself too.
We all make mistakes in our work life. Whether you didn’t file your monthly report in time, miscalculated some non-significant number, or didn’t refill the coffee pot when you drank the last of it – shit happens. This type of stuff will be forgotten and forgiven, but there is always one thing that will follow you until the end of your time in the office. The one night of fun with a coworker will be torment for years to come. So go ahead and bang the office fox, just be prepared for the consequences that follow..
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I did it. It’s not so bad.
Also, multiple times – nobody actually cares
Well when you’re the only bull in the pasture, not sure they can afford to care.
Shit I hope my girlfriend doesn’t read this.
Man you’re cool.
You wanna hear a real post grad problem? How about you date a coworker and have it approved by HR. You date for 3 years pretty seriously and never bring it in the work place. All while everyone in the company from the president down is fine with it and invites you two out for drinks regularly. So you finally get engaged after deciding you love each other enough to put up with each other for life or 7 years. You new HR director makes a new company rule about family and spouses working together… Company finds out you are engaged and says the board needs to approve for both of you to keep your job after the wedding. So yeah, being able to date a co-worker but not marry them #PGP
DONT DIP IN THE COMPANY INK
If this actually happened, you dipped your pen in the company ink and found somebody who you liked well enough to MARRY. The company changed to some ridiculous (for something that applies retroactively) and probably illegal policy, and your take is that you should amend your life to fit this company? One or you (preferably both) should quit the company. If somebody is going to have you by the balls, it should be the person who fondles them lovingly, (hopefully) not your boss/HR.
Yup, this is actually my life right now. Got engaged nye, and the first day back we are given the new 2016 revised handbook. HR rep literally said to me “congrats, nice ring, which one of you is leaving”. We are both going to hope we get approved so we don’t have to stress during wedding planning and look for new jobs after the wedding. Best Monday ever! Couldn’t be more happy with my engagement and my fiancé , I guess what I meant by “don’t dip in the company ink” is tread lightly and don’t work for soul crushing trolls.
Pretty sure I’d start a nice email thread with HR asking what will happen when I got married and then go tie the knot at the courthouse the following weekend without any approval, making sure to tell them about it. That policy is an early retirement waiting to happen.
Yeah this screams lawsuit against your company. Hopefully they’re not dumb enough to let that happen.
Does it count as dipping my pen in company ink if we were both unpaid interns at the time? Technically neither the pen nor the ink belonged to the company.
I just submitted a PGP today about how I matched with a coworker on Hinge and was weighing the pros and cons of it. Coincidence?
5 years ago I dipped my pen in the company ink. We’re getting married this September. Company is 100% okay with this.
When you sign the checks, you can put your pen wherever you want