Things Got Ugly After A Woman Spilled Bugs All Over A NYC Subway Car

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How’s your commute to work? I drive myself every day which sucks because you can’t really zone out and sleep on the way into the office. My head always has to be on a swivel when I’m driving the streets of Massachusetts. We have drivers as aggressive as Tony Stewart in this state. I’ve always been a little jealous of people who get to take the train into work in the mornings. They can read books, crush podcasts, sleep – basically, they can just go on autopilot and do whatever they want. But then every so often I see something reminding me that the grass isn’t always greener on the train.

This week’s reminder comes in the form of a massive swarm of bugs being let loose on the D train in New York City.

A crazed woman trying to sell crickets and worms on a D train suddenly threw them all over the crowded car, sending it into chaos during the evening commute. The woman walked into the train car at about 6 p.m. Wednesday and made a pitch to passengers to try to get them to buy the chirping insects and wrigglers. A group of teenagers pushed her, prompting her to freak out and toss the box of pests into the air, said witnesses. Straphangers then started screaming and crying, and all ran down to one end of the car. “It was pandemonium,” said Chris Calabrese, 29, who was on the train with his girlfriend. “It was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen on a train.” Someone then pulled the emergency brake and the train skidded to a stop on the Manhattan Bridge. The air conditioning shut off and the screaming passengers were all stuck inside the sweltering car with the woman, who then treated them to antics for half an hour as the crickets jumped on passengers. The worms just wriggled on the floor.

This is like six Fear Factor challenges rolled up into one giant fiasco. We’ve got a woman trying to sell crickets and worms on the train. Why? Is this her business? I wonder how much success she’s had in the bug selling business before. It’s incomprehensible why she’d bring her bug loot onto the train, but nevertheless, here we are. I don’t want – I NEED – to hear her marketing pitch for these bugs. If she’s got a sustainable bug selling business, I think there’s a company out there who could benefit.

Then we’ve got some pack of rabid teenagers who probably were creating a ruckus on the train. Just an insufferable pack of Burnett’s drinking driver’s ed kids. Pushing into everyone, smashing into our bug saleslady, and causing her to spill her product everywhere.

In case you thought this nightmare couldn’t get any worse, some schmuck stopped the train by pulling the emergency break. So now everyone in the post-work rush hour is stuck on said subway car in August and the fucking air conditioner gets shut off. Tack on the fact that you’ve got a pack of 16-year old hyenas and a whole flock of worms and crickets just buzzing around like the plagues of Egypt and you have a nightmare situation. If you asked me to draw up the worst possible commute home, I don’t think I could come up with something this terrifying.

But wait, there’s more.

The woman then urinated on the floor and everyone again ran to the other side of the car while still trying to avoid the piles of bugs. The train started to move again after half an hour and pulled into the DeKalb Avenue station, where dozens of cops were waiting on the platform, said Calabrese. The MTA confirmed that emergency services removed the woman from the train, but they declined to comment on the crickets and worms.

In what is probably the least surprising move of this entire story, the woman selling the bugs peed everywhere. Not sure how many of you have spent time in or around NYC and its subway system, but the urination is actually par for the course. A pee-filled subway car in August with the AC broken. Bugs flying around like I’m at some sort of nightmare entomology convention and some rowdy gentleman teenagers? How nobody killed themselves in that car waiting to be rescued is beyond me.

So yeah, your commute could be worse.

[via New York Post]

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Boston Max

Spending my retirement fund at Trader Joe's and trying to remember to check my mailbox semi-regularly

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