======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
“Like, honestly, how hard can it be?” she asked Todd while looking at a training calendar on her laptop. “My friend Sarah did it and she’s, like, not in shape at all.”
As she sat Indian-style on her slipcovered couch in a bright pair of neon-patterned Nike Pro Combat leggings and her hair in a messy bun, Todd flicked through the channels trying to find a movie to watch to pass the time on their hungover Sunday. When he found Ocean’s 11 playing for the millionth time on TBS, he knew it would only be a matter of time before he would be asked to change it to Say Yes to the Dress.
“I mean, look, I can start training tomorrow and be ready in ten weeks which would be perfect for the one Caroline and Megan are doing.”
There were seven tabs open on her computer — her email, the half marathon training schedule that she found on Google Image Search, a list of half marathons going on in the city over the next six months, a pair of new Nike Flyknits, a Nike Fuel Band, a Lululemon Swiftly Tech Long Sleeve Crew, and a link to organic non-GMO dog food.
“Todd,” she addressed him. “How hard was it to train for that half you did last spring?”
“I mean,” he hesitated, “It wasn’t easy. Doing the long runs every Saturday sucked and it made me really not want to go out and do much that night considering all the exercise I’d done earlier in the day.”
“But, like, you didn’t run every Saturday, though,” she responded while fixing her hair and customizing a monogrammed pair of shoes on the NikeID site.
Todd, confused, pretended to think long and hard about his running schedule despite the fact that he knew that he ran every Saturday for ten weeks in preparation.
“Uh, nope, I pretty much ran every Saturday. I didn’t even go out on St. Patrick’s Day, remember?”
She looked at him, puzzled. She was trying to decipher whether or not it was actually necessary to do the full training regimen, or if the “runner’s high” she’d been reading about on the Livestrong website would get her through it.
Todd, still not convinced that she could fully commit to ten entire weeks of training, decided not to fight the battle for fear that she’d scrap the idea altogether once she realized that the training (and subsequent reduced drinking) would interfere with her already scheduled events — one bachelorette party, two wedding showers, one wedding, and their trip to Napa over Memorial Day.
When she began filling in her Google Calendar with her running dates and mileage, she too had the realization that her schedule was going to be too busy for the required training because the thought of being sober for any of the events approaching was too miserable to bear (especially considering the lack of ring on her finger for the wedding shower).
While Todd became more and more invested in Ocean’s 11, she opened up an eighth tab on her browser and typed “5K training” into her search bar. Hesitant to express her thoughts out loud, she thought to herself, “Okay, this might be more my speed,” before mentally adding up all of her shopping carts. Rummaging through her tote trying to find her wallet, she finally noticed what was playing on the television.
“Can we watch Say Yes To The Dress instead of this stupid movie?”
“Sure,” Todd responded. “I think I’m going to go have a beer at Kilkenny’s with this new guy from work.”
With a faked frown and puppy-dog eyes, she looked at Todd and simply asked, “Whoooo?” But as Todd put on his jacket and slid his phone into his pocket, he ran his hand through his hair before brushing her off.
“Eh, I don’t think you know him.” .
Image via Shutterstock
Respond
Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
defriewf
will@grandex.co
Yes! Todd and Tripp are going to be best friends!
It can’t be Tripp, can it? Does Todd really forget the birthday incident with Alex!? What the hell did Tripp text her about last week!?!? Absolutely brutal with these cliff hangers.
We *need* some follow-up on that text from Tripp.
I want to believe that Defries is a literary genius spinning a web that will all be brought together somehow but I wake up with cold sweats at night in fear that he’s merely following the “Lost” school of thought and throwing out cliffhangers that he never plans to address. Will, I don’t know if I could recover from a heartbreak like that.
Todd needs his help getting out while he can
Todd gets out, Tripp slides right back in.
TGDAG: Relapse and Rebound
It’s definitely another chick
I came here to say this. You win
Switching from a half marathon to a 5k once you see the training schedule. PGP.
Man, we’ve got our boy Johnny D’s articles that make you worried about being single and then we’ve got TGDAG that make me thankful a day later. PGP is making me all kinds of confused.
Too bad we haven’t engaged in the chase in TWO weeks….killing me Johnny D.
“Training for a 5k” was definitely the most underrated line.
They take like 20 minutes…
Nah, some of us are naturally really bad at running. Even some people who are otherwise in shape can’t always run a mile nonstop, much less three.
“naturally bad at running”…..aka lazy and don’t enjoy running…
Nah, knee pain can get in the way.
I’ll openly admit to being lazy, but I run sometimes anyway. But I refuse to acknowledge that anyone truly ENJOYS running.
You do. Look at any kid in a field or on the playground.
Structured running is different, ya, and you don’t come to enjoy it until you’ve done it so much it becomes easy. Or at least that is when I start enjoying it.
Screw you Will. I recently bought a brand new white car. Last year I took a couples trip to Napa over a long weekend. I’m currently training for a 5k. This blog is slowly making me realize how much alike me and this psycho bitch actually are.
My ladyfriend and I are going to Napa in June; she makes as much money as me, budgets responsibly, and is generally unlike The Girl so I’m thinking it should be fun. What am I in for? Worth the hype?
Definitely worth it, I went to school close enough that we could take weekend trips.
The real pro tip is if you know a couple people who have lived there. Anybody with a driver’s license from Napa gets free tasting for them and a guest at a number of wineries. Then get a limo and get hammered.
Loved Napa. Can’t wait to go again. Here’s some things to know:
-It’s quite pricy. You’ll be spending a lot of money
-Expect some of the best food of your life.
-Do a BnB. Excellent service and amazing breakfast. We stayed at the Inn on Randolph. I’ll definitely be back.
-Make reservations at wineries. The wineries that don’t take reservations will be so busy you shouldn’t even bother going. The ones that do will give you personal attention because of limited guests
-Do the behind scene tours. They cost extra, but you’ll have such a better experience. My favorite was at Pine Ridge. Seriously, if you don’t do their cave tour and cheese pairing you are wasting your time at Napa.
Found Will’s inspiration for TGDAG
Plot twist: @InAMansWorld is a guy
It takes like two weeks to train for a 5K… It’s only about a 20 minute run…
I feel this…I like to think that she’s more like a caricature of girls like us — like…what we would be if we were shitty people
Todd needs to run a one-way marathon and never come back.
via GIPHY
IT’S ALEX THAT’S WHY TRIPP TEXTED HER LAST WEEK!
Another stock photo I can get behind
Literally.
She looks slightly pregnant now that I look at it closer. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
I keep thinking she’s pregnant too, but that’s just fine.
Where is her belly-button though?
She has actual claws. I guess that’s okay if you’re into that sort of thing?
Why doesn’t she have a belly button? Is this Taylor Swift?
Non-GMO organic dog food? Someone send Sperry a wishbone and some anxiety medicine ASAP.
#prayforsperry
1 Like = 1 Prayer
Todd, you really add something to these stories. Never stop.