Things Girls Do After Graduation: Be Cold

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Things Girls Do After Graduation: Be Cold

They had established a new weekly routine: date night. Because Mondays are Mondays and Todd’s golf league was Tuesday night, they decided that having a regular Wednesday night date would allow them to reset and unplug in the middle of Todd’s workweek. She had spent the better part of the afternoon reading reviews on Yelp for seafood restaurants in the city. She had been craving seafood all week, and with the hot weather combining with summer coming to an end, she thought it would be the perfect opportunity to dine al fresco.

“There’s a new restaurant called By Sea that has a roof deck,” she texted him around four o’clock. “I made us a 7:30 rezzie.”

When they arrived at 7:35, they took the building’s elevator to the top floor with the hostess. Their table overlooked the city and was surrounded by the whitewashed porch and glistening Christmas lights that adorned the entire patio.

“This is, like, straight out of Pinterest,” she remarked while clutching her menu. Todd wasn’t sure if that was a compliment or an insult.

Upon opening her menu, her eyes immediately defaulted to the oyster section top the appetizers.

“Are you in the mood for ‘sters, Todd?” she asked. “I know this month doesn’t end in ‘y’ but I read on this food blog that you don’t even really have to follow that rule anymore.”

Todd confirmed that oysters sounded tasty before she clarified that they’d order the oysters from New Brunswick. She had no idea if the New Brunswick oysters were more or less fresh than any of the others, but she figured her assertiveness would make it sound like she knew what she was talking about.

Looking for their waitress, she wrapped her arms around her menu and pulled it close to her chest before leaning forward and asking Todd, “Are you cold?”

Todd shook it off and commented that he felt fine. He was wearing a button down shirt, with her in a skirt and chambray shirt.

“Ugh, it’s just cold up here,” she added. “Do you think they’d turn the fans down?”

“I’m not sure,” he responded. “I guess we could ask.”

But just before the waitress came to take their drink and appetizer order, she told Todd that it’s “fine.” They promptly ordered a bottle of sparkling rosé to go with the oysters because the waitress noted that it was Half-Off Wine Night. “Mama like,” she joked upon hearing the news.

Just after the waitress departed from their table, she again leaned forward and whispered, “Todd, I’m like really, really cold.”

“Is there anything I can do?” Todd asked, well-knowing that there was nothing he could do except take the shirt off his back.

“No, it’s okay,” she began again. “It’s just, like, freezing up here.”

Todd asked if she wanted to move inside the restaurant, which would entail going to the ground floor where they had originally talked to the hostess. She explained to him that they had the air-conditioning running in the restaurant and she didn’t think it would make any difference if they moved.

Todd, unsure of any sort of solution to the problem, told her, “I’m not really sure what you want me to do here.” She clarified that there was nothing he could do before hushing him as the waitress approached with their bottle of rosé. She handed Todd the cork to inspect despite that Todd had no idea what he was looking for, and she poured a touch of rosé into her glass for tasting.

“Mmmm,” she told the waitress. “Yeah, that’s great.”

The waitress poured each of them a glass before setting the bottle in an ice bucket next to the table and assuring them that their oysters would be “right out” before leaving for the kitchen.

“Todd,” she said with a hint of shivering in her voice. “I’m so cold.”

“I mean,” Todd hesitated. “What do you want me to do? Give you my shirt?”

“Ugh,” she shot back. “You don’t have to be rude about it.”

“Okay, let me ask if they can move us inside.”

Hailing down their waitress, she approached the table asking if everything was alright.

“Yeah, everything is great,” Todd clarified. “But is there any way we can move inside? It’s a little colder out here than we anticipated.”

Their waitress obliged and insisted that it wasn’t an issue. “Here, just take your glasses and I’ll be right down there with the bucket and rosé. I’ll call down and they can clear a table for you if you just want to head towards the elevators.”

“I am so sorry,” she told the waitress as they began standing up and putting there napkins on the table.

When they exited the elevator and approached the hostess stand, she thanked Todd for taking control of the situation and having the willingness to move. They explained their situation to the hostess who had already been briefed by the waitress, and she led them to a table in the corner of the restaurant.

“Thank you so much for moving us,” she told the hostess while situating her glass of rosé on the table.

“Todd,” she said while the hostess walked away. “It’s, like, so much colder in here than it was outside.”

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Editor at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram).

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