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It’s no secret that men and women communicate in completely different ways. If we could figure out how to translate each other and actually understand where the other was coming from, 99.9 percent of the fighting couples do would be non-existent and/or easily solvable. Girls need to stop beating around the bush, saying shit they do not mean, and guys need to actually listen. And not only after she says “babe” for the 17th time in a row.
But, to be fair, guys say a lot of stupid stuff without the assistance of anyone. For every girl lying about being “fine,” there is a guy who said something to spark that reaction in her. Think before you speak, gentlemen. Unless your couch really is that comfortable and you like rubbing one out while she fumes to Real Housewives and talks shit about you in a group text.
“Are you really wearing that?”
You wear khakis and a version of that J.Crew button down any time your t-shirts aren’t acceptable. And please, we’ve seen your cargo shorts. PEOPLE DON’T FORGET.
“Girls look better with no makeup.”
You don’t know what you’re talking about. You think you do because we have gotten so good at this “natural look” facade that you honestly believe in the #WokeUpLikeThis selfie. If you really saw what we looked like “naturally” with our greasy, messy buns, and at-home-spot-treatment, you would never have us. And besides, none of that is for you. You thinking that we look hot is a bonus. All of that contouring and eyelash curling is done so when we Instagram ourselves, Rachel from college comments with “LASHES. *heart eye emoji*.” Girls put in effort to impress other girls and gay men. It’s just the truth.
“I wasn’t thinking about anything.”
No woman understands how this is physically and mentally possible, and we all think it’s just a ploy so you can deflect us until we want to nit pick something else. The idea of thinking about nothing makes us tense up at just even the mere mention.
“That’s not how you do that.”
Unless you have been explicitly asked for your input, you just sound condescending. Sure, we might be totally messing up hooking up the surround sound, and we may look completely ridiculous trying to figure out which cords go where while simultaneously holding our phones with some eHow pulled up, but wait to be asked. Or figure out a way to say, “I’m happy to help” without making us feel like you’re offering to cut our sandwiches into cute little squares for us.
“Wait…you were actually mad?”
What gave it away? The exasperated sighing? The daggers currently coming from our eyes? Maybe the fact that we said, “You just pissed me off.” We know that you aren’t as dumb as you play, and you’re just hoping we would get mad at the bitch on Say Yes To The Dress with a $20,000 budget for her dress and forget about you being an ass. Again: PEOPLE DON’T FORGET.
“Jeez, you need to calm down. Relax.”
If this is said when she she got worked up because Jennifer tossed a side-eye at brunch and she’s overthinking it, fine. Totally valid. But if she was talking about an interest in politics, social issues, or something that’s just important to her and you decided to swoop on in and say something that could start a debate, you have no one to blame but yourself. And way to be patronizing, you dick. If you can’t handle the heat, sit there and just nod and smile next time. Or date the blow up doll you bought “as a joke” when you were 17 and not a real woman..
Image via YouTube
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Kendra Syrdal
Once in college John Cusack asked Kendra to sing for him. She said no. Visit her website to ogle at her face and send hate mail // kendrasyrdal.com
@kendrasyrdal
@kendrasyrdal
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Being able to think about nothing is easily one of my favorite activities. Just embrace the nothing. Relax.
It’s either truly, absolutely nothing, or I’m thinking about mind-bogglingly stupid shit that I shouldn’t be sharing (like, for example, has anyone ever made a shirt made out of bellybutton lint. How long did it take, was it all from the same bellybutton, how do you control for different colors… etc)
Yeah, I doubt women want to hear my theory on how differently life would have panned out if only the Rangers would have re-signed Nelson Cruz instead of getting Shin-Soo Choo.
SHIN. SOO. CHOO.
I knew you wrote this just from the title… I think it’s the lack of originality that has everyone on the #FireKendra train. Mix it up a little, go out on a limb, its a big world out there and awkward dating/hooking up interactions are only a part of it. Spread your wings and fly!
I’m convinced that it’s a subtle cry for help. On the outside she’s created this image that she’s a fun, easy-going chick whose life is filled with “hilarious, awkward moments.” However, deep down she’s lonely and yearns for a real relationship and some stability in her life.
This isn’t TSM, after all. We all have to grow up, it just takes some of us longer than others.
You guys say all this now, then you’ll say one of these and piss off your significant other, and say to yourself “ah, shoulda listened to Kendra”
On that note, don’t ever tell a girl she’s acting crazy or straight up call her crazy.
However, maybe some positive reinforcement or coaching on what we should say would go further here. Tired of seeing words like hate, terrible, the worst, etc. in her articles.
Yea Kendra, you’re doing it wrong.
Google me and come back.
I just Googled you and thought your PGP articles were lame until I read your Thought Catalog ones.
YOU READ ALL 70+ OF MY TC ARTICLES!?!!!!1!?
Wow I’ve never had a superfan before… <3
Nope – I only had to read one or two to arrive at my conclusion.
“Google me” – PGPM
You’re articles are still trite though.
*Your
I admit it. I bit. I goggled you. Your other articles are better than what you post here and my new theory is PGP wants you to have a bitchy, whiny, poor me personality because they a) lack women writers since Brian’s girlfriend left with him, which b) makes you an easy target for a mostly male audience, and c) makes you an even bigger and easier target for the female posters who view your articles like a RHOWherever episode because your personality and life seems shitty compared to theirs. Oh, and d) we all keep responding so everyone gets what they want, except us and our desire for better articles. I don’t have the mental fortitude to get torn to shreds by strangers everyday but if that’s your goal then job well done.
Shots. Fired.
Jeez, you need to calm down…Relax.
“That’s not how you do that.”
Ok, so next time you are setting up that surround sound and you’re about to blow every fuse in the house, I’ll just say nothing and grab the fire extinguisher.
I love that women have invented a new word for it. It’s called “mansplaining.” It is supposed to make you feel bad for trying to teach her something new, like that if she plugs this in when its wired the wrong way, she is going to burn the fucking house down.
That’s a strawman if I ever saw one – no way a woman would ever attempt that.
You’re right, we’re not actually thinking about ‘nothing,’ but when you ask a stupid question you get a stupid answer.
9/10 the answer is tits.
You ruin my shit everyday. #FireKendra
Based on this article, I ought to wife up my unicorn of a girlfriend for not being psychotic.
Am I the only one who was surprised that “everything” wasn’t the only word in the article?
Ya…but I really was thinking about nothing. Need to get in touch with your Seinfeld mindset
Does Kendra just write articles during her period?