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As a woman, I am the first to admit that we are not always the most reasonable of creatures. Perhaps it’s hormones, perhaps it’s the pressure of having to carry around boobs, perhaps it’s that we only make 70% of what those of you with a penis make. Whatever the reason may be, we sometimes flip our shit, usually in response to the action (or inaction) of a man. Now, occasionally it’s deserved – you guys can do some remarkably dumb things. But other times, it’s completely unreasonable – and us ladies know that, trust me.
Now, I am not a guy/girl relations expert. I don’t know if you’re a nice guy and she’s nuts, or if she’s completely sane and you’re just an asshole. I can barely figure out my own relationships, so I’m not going to weigh in on anyone else’s, although my usual guess is that the reality of any guy/girl situation is in the middle – you’re a little bit of a jerk and she’s slightly psycho. But as a girl, I am an expert in the things that you guys do that make us girls nuts. So in the interest of helping the male species understand the female mind, let’s talk about one of them – why it drives us crazy that you don’t “end” a text conversation.
At dinner the other night, one of my girlfriends was talking about how she has recently been talking to a new guy, but one of things she didn’t like about him was how he would just ghost in the middle of a text conversation. They would be going back and forth, conversationally, and then out of the blue, the texts stop coming. All of a sudden, she’s wondering, “Did I say something that turned him off?” “Did he meet someone else and he’s not interested anymore?” or “Did he walk into traffic while texting and get hit by a cab?”
Given that I am a pretty sensible human being, I know that none of these are likely the case. Of course, I am only this rational when it comes to my friend’s relationships; in my own, I’m a full-on crazy person and he is definitely either sleeping with someone else or lying in the street slowly dying. But I digress. Reasonably, I know that odds are that he didn’t have anything more to say or got distracted by something else – a meeting, actual work, his X-Box – and he simply didn’t feel the need to “end” the text conversation. He’ll pick up the phone and text her the next time she crosses his mind or he has something interesting to say (or wants a booty call). It’s not personal – it’s just that, in guys’ minds, texts aren’t “actual” conversations, so there’s no need to say “bye.”
But we ladies don’t exactly think that way. When a guy abruptly stops texting, we liken this to rudely getting up and leaving the table in the middle of a dinner discussion or hanging up the phone without saying goodbye. Much like we need an actual ending to a television series, a good book and all relationships, we need an end point to our conversations – text ones included. While we stare at our phones waiting for those three little dots to appear (because as I’ve said before, iPhone or GTFO ) we’ll make ourselves insane wondering about the possibilities of why he stopped chatting. And odds are, we’ll take out that crazy on him when he finally does have something to say.
So for our sanity, and yours, can we all just agree to “end” text messages with a simple “Gonna watch some Sportscenter, talk soon” or a “Gotta run, TTYL?” Because right or wrong, the ambiguity of no ending to any convo makes us girls nuts, and the only one that’s going to pay for that is you..
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Jenna Crowley
Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.
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Riiiiight, because guys are definitely the only ones who do this.
Entirely possible, but as a girl, I can only write about it from the girl’s side about why it makes us nuts, ya know?
“As a woman, I am the first to admit that we are not always the most reasonable of creatures.”
“Perhaps it’s that we only make 70% of what those of you with a penis make.”
Stop perpetrating this nonsense.
The word you’re looking for is perpetuating. And yes, she does need to stop.
No it wasn’t, but either works since it does pop up in every other column.
Exactly. Wage gap is largely a myth. If women want to make more money, they should study engineering, computer programming, or finance. They’re also much less likely to start their own business. Instead, they become nurses, teachers, and HR representatives. It’s not men’s fault that women choose jobs that don’t pay well.
I think best part is that Hillary Clinton, one of the largest proponents of ending the “wage gap,” pays the women on her staff less than her men.
Who knew Todd knew anything about politics? Bravo, good sir, bravo.
When you have to listen to your girlfriend constantly complain about me making more money in finance than she does as a Pure Barre instructor, you tend to start looking up facts that will shut her down.
I can understand why someone goes into nursing or teaching, but who the hell grows up with dreams of being the Fun Police?
Sociology majors who can’t find any other job because their degree is worthless.
While I’d agree that the “73 cents to the dollar” soundbite doesn’t encapsulate choices and education, even when that’s all accounted for, there’s still 5-7 cents that’s unexplainable.
I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t settle for a 5% paycut just because of what’s between my legs.
Many companies will hire a woman over a man and are more reluctant to fire one because it satisfies a diversity metric. Just might not pay them as much or offer as big of a bonus. Happens in engineering all the time.
I’m in operations at an engineering company. My job is directly working on revenue-generating projects and I bust my ass and get great results – my pay doesn’t reflect that. I encounter so much resistance when I ask for raises (yes, I ask, and I have a well-constructed argument for why I deserve them), whereas my guy colleagues just… don’t encounter the same resistance. Through a friend who has access to the finance database, I know pay is unequal. I’m also somewhat frequently left off of meeting invites that pertain to my projects that I should be included on. I’m not someone who tries to be “one of the guys” (those women are always the worst) but it seems like to be included you have to be “one of the guys”. I don’t want special treatment at all, but I’ll admit that I expected better than this.
I’m not trying to attack you, so please don’t be offended by this, but I am curious. How do you know your guy colleagues don’t encounter the same resistance?
Also, if you are quantifiably kicking more ass at your jobs than your peers, and are still being paid less, then why do you choose to still work there? If I knew I was getting hosed like that, the first thing I would do is speak with my boss about it, and then if they didn’t make some concessions, I would begin looking for a place that will appreciate me more.
Not at all offended, I really appreciate your questions. An example – I referred a close guy friend from college. He’s currently raking in $15k more than me in base, we started at the same level. Other examples are people who were hired after but promoted before me (here, the raise is implied but the promotion is company-wide knowledge).
I brought these issues up to my boss and to HR, they just aren’t responding quickly, at all, with concessions I asked for. As for finding something else – I’m actively working on it. Side note: I forgot how soul-sucking job hunting is.
I get that most people who complain about the wage gap don’t take career choices into consideration, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t real. I know first hand that the company I work for pays men significantly more than women for the exact same engineering position, starting on the same day, and coming from the same school. Negotiations were not a factor. The only difference was that the female actually had the highest gpa of the three. We shouldn’t be compensated differently based on genitals.
I made the education and career choice I did because it’s challenging, lucrative, and I enjoy what I do. And partially in the hopes that, one day, I will have the income to let some guy I haven’t met yet live the stay at home dad life if he so chooses. Isn’t that what equality is all about?
I work from home so already there, but you have to be down with matching range rovers, even though mine will just sit in the garage. It’s just this expectation I have.
I just wish that Range Rovers were as reliable as they are awesome-looking.
If I were single I’d ask for your hand in marriage.
I don’t think the blame falls on one sex, men and women (perhaps mostly women) raise girls and boys to have certain ideas about themselves, and women are not benefitting from that sort of socialization. Whether it’s telling women that they can just rely on their husband’s to make money, telling them they aren’t good at math, allowing them to be dependent for longer… It’s a grand systemic issue that results in nearly half our population not living up to their productive potential, which is a negative for the entire society.
“Systematic oppression,” “The Patriarchy,” “Our Corrupt Society.” Doesn’t anyone take personal responsibility anymore? The only one who can affect your self esteem is you. Stop victimizing yourself and maybe you’ll actually accomplish something.
I think Bill Burr put it best we he said “Men make more because for some fucked up reason, if the ship is sinking, you [women] get to leave and I have to stay…”
Women make more at all part-time levels of hours worked.
#equality
The lip bite, though.
She gives the hot mom on Crash’s column a run for her money.
My girlfriend would literally castrate me if I told her I was too busy watching ESPN to text her.
Oh, Todd.
When I tell my girlfriend why I’m not going to text back for a while she gets mad that I apparently “feel like I have to tell her every move I make” and when I don’t, “where are you?!?! Are you busy?!?!” Can’t win man… can’t win.
When I ask a woman a yes or no question and get a one word answer I’ll take this into consideration.
I don’t know, you decide.
“So… Panda House?”
“I just had that last week omg.’
“K.”
We use this as a tactic to keep you interested…apparently it works.
As terrible as it is Ghosting mid convo works
Worst things that girls can do: Be insecure about literally anything and everything. Actually, never mind, that’s not gender exclusive.
It 100% is insecurity that makes us crazy, but the guys can’t control that, so I’m telling you something you can control.