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There always seems to be something in regards to Instagram, doesn’t there? Just about a year ago we had what is now widely being referred to as The Great “Instagram Model” Purge of 2017.
And now here we are just a little under a year later with a whole new set of annoyances on arguably the most popular social media platform. Here, in order, are the most obnoxious Instagram habits currently being perpetuated by idiots across the platform. I’m imploring everyone to stop participating in them.
There was a time not too long ago where I was all aboard the Boomerang train. Whether I was sipping a dirty vodka martini with blue cheese olives, making a little egg porn at brunch, or just chunking up the deuce, there was a very good chance that instead of a regular ass post to my Instagram story, it was a Boomerang every single time.
I was ‘ranging constantly, and eventually, friends told me that it was starting to become a bit annoying. Almost unfollow worthy. So I eased up on participating in the ‘rang life a few months ago and realized that I was no better than the 22-year-old account executive that Boomerangs her train commute to downtown Chicago every morning. I’m embarrassed I was ever doing Boomerangs, and for that, I apologize to everyone. Steer clear of the boomerang unless you are the aforementioned 22-year-old girl commuting to work every morning – you’re doing amazing, sweetie.
3. Writing “New Post” on your Instagram story.
This one is usually done by girls who are desperate to gain more followers, and they think that by teasing their latest post in their story they can get attract more followers. It usually looks like this:
See what I did there? I scribbled out the latest post on my grid so that you’d have to click my profile to see it! Don’t forget I also subtly asked you to like the picture as well. LOL. You totally don’t have to but if you don’t I’ll know about it.
This is the attitude of a person who does the “New Post” trick. Don’t fall for it. As a matter of fact, if you see one of your friends doing this either tell them to stop immediately because it looks really desperate or just straight up unfollow them. Sometimes I see girls do this and I just think to myself one thing – “What the hell is the end goal here?” I still have yet to figure out an answer to that question.
2. Adding more than five or six posts to your Instagram story in one day on a consistent basis.
You see how many pictures are in Spencer Pratt’s story right now? The answer is too many. If you’re just talking at your phone and posting like that every single day over the five or six picture limit, you’re a fucking nutjob. I’m sorry if this offends anyone who does this but you can’t be living a stable life if you’re posting on your Instagram story that often. The only reason I haven’t unfollowed Spencer Pratt is because he’s constantly cooking up delicious meat in his Traeger smoker and I respect that. Plus I love The Hills and I don’t have it my heart to unfollow him.
1. Fake laughter
I’m sorry that I have to keep showing you pictures of myself because I know nobody wants to see that, but here is one where I’m mocking the classic “We’re having such a good time that we had no idea someone was taking a picture of us” girl.
I even included the “D R Y B A R” caption, which is an ode to a popular hair salon where well-to-do girls in Chicago go and boomerang themselves after they’ve spent 80 dollars on a blowout. The fake laughter is the worst of the worst, and it’s an epidemic that has plagued Instagram for a very long time now. I have quite literally seen girls at parties start to fake laugh as soon as another girl whips her phone out, and even ask for a redo of the fake laugh so that they mess their hair up a little bit. I like to laugh at the people who participate in these trends, but it’s a laughter that is mixed with a little bit of pity. The quicker you admit that your Instagram is irrelevant the quicker you’ll be able to get on with the business of living your life. .