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Dating is the modern day Wild West. Just like in Cowboy times, if you were sick of the factory life in the big city, you decided to head west to make your fortune. You fought dysentery, you sucked snake venom out of open wounds, forded countless rivers, became a gunslinger, held up banks, wound up shot dead in saloon. So yeah, the modern-day dating scene is essentially that.
But we’re not complete mavericks; there are still certain principles we at least loosely pay attention to, whether it be tradition, common courtesy, or straight up common sense. Things like the guy generally paying, at least for the first few dates. Or, not showing your current girlfriend nude pics of your ex (which I have actually done, for I am Boston Max, Lord of the Idiots). But I think one thing that is and always had been a moving target is when do two people finally get down and have some sexxx.
The old adage has been three dates. Where it came from I haven’t the slightest fucking idea. Although, having said that, it’s kind of a natural timeframe for this certain thing to happen. And if it isn’t exactly on date three, I think it’s pretty close. In fact, I recently had sex and it just so happened to be the third time we hung out. And it’s not like this was a premeditated move, I just think at about three dates you’re at that point of comfortability, there’s obviously some kind of attraction, and so bingo bango bongo, I’ve squeaked in a bit more to repent for during Yom Kippur.
But…BUT, I’ve recently been informed that the three-date rule for sex is dead. That’s right: DEAD. You want to know who the successor to the three-date rule is? Well apparently, it’s eight. Eight dates. This according to a study from Groupon, who I didn’t even know did studies, but they’ve got a decent sample size so it seems accurate-ish.
Per NY Post:
We might live in an age of hookup apps and swiping for partners, but a new study shows for relationship success,
couples should wait until date eight to do the deed.
A study of 2,000 US adults found the “three-date rule” could be a thing of the past.
Results showed the average person polled would wait until date eight in an ideal world before taking things to the bedroom.
The study by Groupon found men feel sex is appropriate at any point from date five onward, but women would rather wait until date nine, on average.
Eight dates…wow. I’m utterly perplexed. I haven’t seen an eighth date in years. I thought if you hit date eight you had to move in together, and in some states, date eight means you’re legally married.
Even if you averaged a date every five days, that’s still forty days before you’re banging, which, okay, doesn’t sound SO egregious, but going out with someone every five days it does sound pretty insanulous.
Also, quite expensive. That’s an obscene amount of wine, sushi, and brunch just for seven minutes of mediocre bangarangin’.
Obviously, I’m being a little facetious here. If you feel like you need to wait eight dates (LOLOLOLOL) to build up the comfort level and trust to have sex with someone who at this point has blown past complete stranger and is basically a part of your family at date eight, then wait. Just know that it’s a looney tune move and if you get ghosted by him or her it’s probably because they think you’re a chaste virgin by waiting until date eight and you know what? You midas whale be..