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I very recently got engaged to my girlfriend. To some of you, that’s exciting, and to plenty of others, that sounds like a death sentence. I empathize with both opinions. Now that the proposal is over and was successful, I can say that the planning process for the event of proposing is, in and of itself, insane. There were a lot of things that I realized as I did crazy things like harass the tenants of the place where I wanted to perform the proposal and check the price of bulk rose petals. Most of what I realized was that this whole idea was archaic and nuts, but we all know that love makes us do crazy things. So, there’s that.
Here are a few other things I realized in the process of planning a proposal.
First of all, there was the ring. Just choosing it from the mountain of options that are available was hard. I knew what style she wanted (the phrase “fuck a halo” was tossed around) but even so, there are about a million different variations to pick from. I had to decide where I wanted to purchase the ring from, and there a bunch of factors to consider there, too. One place ended up having a bitchin’ warranty deal where they cover the ring and all the stones for life, so I went in that direction because other options were insuring it like a car and paying for the rock was expensive enough. I won’t go into the various awkward moments that occurred in being a woman looking for an engagement ring for another woman. I think there were several store employees who thought I was just a very self-centered millennial looking to blow a few G’s on a ring to “celebrate me.” Sorry to whoever put down money in that pool.
As it turned out, it took me multiple visits to different places, and then a little over three hours at the chosen location to pick the final version of the ring I wanted. An employee who terrified me to my soul with stories about how much he hates his in-laws was admittedly very helpful in teaching me about diamonds. Who knew those expensive suckers were so complicated? Then, he comforted me as I sobbed and emptied my bank account for a three-stone vintage beauty of a ring that I wouldn’t even get to wear. It was a mixture of emotions.
The ironic thing about planning a proposal is that if you’re preparing to do something that involves even some level of planning ahead, at some point your significant other will probably think you’re breaking up with them. I took a lot of weird phone calls and snatched my vibrating phone away from her hand way more often than usual in the days leading up to the proposal. I was even, at times, snappier and more irritable than normal because I was dealing with things like finding a ladder tall enough to get me on the roof of a house and trying to hold her hand in a way that allowed me to double check her ring size (not a very effective mode of measurement, in case anyone was wondering.) In an effort to avoid her questions about any of these things, I distanced myself from her and basically led a double life for a month or so, and that was hard. It’s very strange when the one person that you normally share everything with is totally in the dark about something like that. It feels like you’re doing something shady and wrong even though all you’re trying to do is literally plan to ask them to spend their life with you.
Finally, it wasn’t until I had handed my girlfriend her flute of champagne in the very moment that I realized I hadn’t planned anything specific that I wanted to say in the proposal speech. Something should come before “will you marry me,” right? Was I supposed to list all the reasons that I loved her at this point? Yes, of course I was, but because I’m an idiot and was so caught up in the rest of the details that I’d given minimal thought to what I’d actually say in the moment. Thankfully for me, I think well on my feet, and although I don’t remember a thing I said, she assures me that it was a lovely pronouncement of love. At the very least, she didn’t slap me across the face and/or say no, so I must have done something right. The fact that she said “yes” was all I could really ask for. Now I just have to plan a wedding, so if anyone out there has any extra cash they’re looking to get rid of, or a venue that can hold at least a couple hundred drunk rednecks, hit a sister up. .
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Rory Gilmore
Rory Gilmore on the outside. Emily Gilmore on the inside. Email me funny shit at rory_gilmore20@yahoo.com.
@rory_gilmore20
First, congrats. Second, since you bought her a ring for the engagement does she now go out and buy you one too so you both have one? What’s the protocol in this situation?
I’m also genuinely curious about how an engagement works under these circumstances. Do you decide up front who’s going to be the one that proposes? If not, do you have to just hope that she’s not planning to propose to you as well?
My sister told her girlfriend she had to propose and that she wasn’t going to. Haven’t asked if her fiancé ended up getting a ring too.
First everyone on my FB was getting engaged, now all the writers on here are getting engaged, is there nowhere safe from reminding me I’m single on the internet?
Seriously, congrats though.
Only read the comments and you’ll be safe
i’m also single. the last 2 guys i have dated both dumped me via text message WHILE I WAS AT work when they were away at business conferences. LOL but not
I LOLed
Sup?
Join Reddit.
Thought this was going to be another Delph article
I’m going to do a wedding planning series just to spite you motherfuckers
It should be a short series. Just agree and show up on time.
If a guy marrying a girl equals no more sex, does a girl marrying a girl mean a hundred times more sex?
Its the same as multiplying by zero in both cases
Well that sucks.
I’m not convinced. Twice the toys has to equal twice the fun, right?
I think that applies more to orgies
How do you figure out her ring size stealthily? What’s an appropriate amount to spend for middle-class working postgrads like us?
Snag a ring she rarely wears and take to jeweler for them to measure. As for price, the band itself will be relatively cheap so it’s all about the diamond. If you live where I think you do start with Shane Co. to get a feel for what your money will get you as all their sales staff works on salary and not commission so they (as far as I can tell) have no reason to bullshit you. Once you have some basic knowledge on diamonds shop around some as boutique stores are more likely to negotiate. Also, nothing wrong with buying that rock on layaway. I basically got a X month loan for free, if anything would have happened to the relationship I had a full refund, and it’s kept in a safe at the store so I didn’t have to worry about hiding it or her finding it.
I should add, it’s not about what you should spend but a mix of what she expects vs. what you feel comfortable spending. When I finally bought the diamond the sales lady had me give her a target price. She came back with three stones priced relatively the same due to differences in carat, color, and quality, told me pick the one that I think looked the best and I went with that one.
Thanks, man, I appreciate it. She’s fairly low maintenance and definitely isn’t after my money (we have very similar salaries) but we do okay and I don’t want to look like a cheap fuck.
your doomed
Side can’t even spell you’re.
Dude. Fuck.
There are few things more enjoyable on the Internet than when someone fucks up while criticizing someone’s grammar.
Other than that, solid advice.
**internet. Boom. Roasted. Learn yo proper nouns.
Before “will you marry me” is simply her name. Source: did it once. Congrats
Congrats! Planning a wedding is hell. However, just focus on the party aspect and getting her to say “I do”. You won’t remember anything else.
How would a chick feel about lab-made diamonds? They’re real, 20% cheaper, and none of the profits go to those fucks at DeBeers