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Technology has been a godsend in helping me keep in touch with family. I’m hundreds of miles from home, so it’s nice to be able to contact my parents and other relatives on a dime with a quick text, call, or FaceTime. It used to be maybe once a week, I would chat with my parents to assure them I was still alive and well, and they would fill me in on what was going on at home. This weekly digital powwow was quick, and then I was back to doing my own thing. It was a perfect set up.
A few months ago, my mom found out about sending multiple people the same message at the same time, AKA the group chat. It started out innocuous enough. She would include my father, my brother, his wife, and me in a chat and share a photo of the dog doing something cute, or a quick note wishing us a happy Friday. Unfortunately, it quickly spiraled out of control.
Every single day, I can expect to receive between 10-100 texts in the group depending on what’s going on. You can only respond “LOL” so many times before it’s obvious you’re not paying attention. I’ve since surpassed that stage and instead message a thumbs up emoji every once and while to seem engaged. Things got overly annoying when my mom decided to start sending pictures of her daily Starbs drink in the group for the sake of my sister-in-law who works for Starbucks. It felt like watching a car wreck as the poor girl responded “fun” or “looks yummy” to each unnecessary picture of a flat white or iced tea.
Sometimes I just won’t respond, and then I’m met with a bitter private side message from my father letting me know I should really send a reply so my mom doesn’t get upset. I’m not trying to be rude, but I do have a job on weekdays, and a social life when I’m not stuck behind a desk. I can’t be glued to my phone 24/7, ready to instantly text back when my parents let me know they just watched Foxcatcher and thought it was just okay.
There is a true ‘boy who cried wolf’ principle at play here. I keep the chat on mute since it’s always flooded with junk, and sometimes when I see there’s a conversation I’m missing, I choose to look at it later. When important information is being shared, I have no idea. I’ve missed planning details for holiday trips and updates on relative’s pregnancies because I didn’t know to scroll through 75 messages to glean the good stuff.
The chat will wane when nothing new is going on. It was at a low at the end of summer, but it peaked again a few weeks ago after my parents found out what gifs were. I plan to just ride the wave, and focus on the light at the end of the tunnel of when things calm down again. With Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up soon, it may be a long haul though.
This is not an individual experience for me personally. I’ve mentioned my annoyance to friends before and they’ve immediately recognized the exact same issue in their lives. A college roommate once shared that she hated the constant notifications in a group chat with her two brothers, their spouses, both parents, and her grandmother, but she felt obligated to stick it out since her dad had been paying her phone bill for years.
It’s a slippery slope, even for those of us who pay for our own crazy expensive cell phone bills (anyone want to join my Verizon family plan, please?) You don’t want to be a dick to the people you love, because you care about them and their feelings. I know my brother and his wife are equally annoyed with the group chat, but we’ve all silently agreed to just deal with it. So when I want to respond, “I could not care any less” to an explanation of a funny license plate my mom saw at Whole Foods, I put on my big girl pants, throw down a crying laughing emoji, and say a little thank you that at least my parents aren’t on Twitter yet badgering me there..
Respond
Kell
future soccer mom of America (AKA I drive a Volvo.) Miracle is my favorite movie and it should be yours too.
@backpackfanclub
@instagram
My Mom just added my girlfriend to our family group chat. The GF thinks it’s a major win for her in our relationship… now she’s stuck and has no clue what hell she’s in for.
IMO that is an insane move to put a SO in the family chat that isn’t locked down with a ring yet
It’s not that bad. She can be removed if things go south between them
I’m sure as shit not going to be the one telling my Mom and her they can’t. That’s just suicide.
Having a ring doesn’t always mean that someone is locked down. Google “divorce.”
Came to say… TRUTH! I was almost engaged and never was in her family’s group chat, thank a deity for that.
If I don’t respond within 3 minutes of my mom texting me I get a “hello?” or “U there?” text every minute for the next 10 minutes.
I always know when my parents go on trips because my mom feels the need to text all of the kids “good night”. And, if I don’t respond within 5 minutes (even on Friday/Saturday nights) I get the text from my dad saying “tell your mother good night. She worries about you guys.”
or she thinks you’ve been kidnapped
This hits home. I’m in a group chat with my wife’s family and constantly get called out for never responding.
That is rough. I feel bad for you.
Make no mistake, this is my hill to die on. I. Will. Never. Respond.
Seriously. My husband has 3 sisters and I’m in the family group chat with them. I never respond and I always look like a jerk. My family’s group chat, on the other hand, is hilarious. My husband, dad, mom, and brother are all military and our humor is of the dry/twisted/ variety.
My family all lives in the same city and I live away. Our group message is mainly them planning to do things together without me.
Well I would include you in plans, Natalie. You can count on that.
Thanks Cube. Means a lot
Just a male dinosaur doing his part.
Yup. Hate it.
My roommate is in a “dual-family group text” with his and his girlfriend’s family. Mind-boggling.
My family group chat is mostly pictures of my nephews, me getting roasted for being old, single and unlovable, and my dad sending out his fits for group approval.
Shoutout to my aunt who uses a Facebook Messenger group chat to arrange family events instead of an actual friggin’ Facebook Event.
I have a giant, so the group chat is on permanent mute. There’s just no way for me to keep up with it, plus most of my siblings only respond with the thumbs-up emoji, and there’s no way I’m scrolling past 12 of those to find the one bit of useful/funny information that was in there.
*giant family*
The group chat between my mom, sister, brother, and me solely consists of pictures of the dog, Mr. Watkins. It is a great thing. The group chat between my father and siblings – no one responds.