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But first, read the Platonic Fall Girl Friends Application.
I asked, and you applied. To be honest, I wasn’t expecting much other than a bunch of photos of girls wearing Patagonia fleeces, dark jeans, and some type of mid-shin boot. But what I got was a bunch of enthusiastic party animals who apparently don’t care that my friends and I are 28-year-old degenerates who like getting hammered on gameday like we’re in still in college. And honestly? I love you for it.
Onto the answers.
What is your friend group comprised of?
Honorable Mentions:
Three friends (with an expandable clique) aged 24-27, living in the city, who enjoy a good glass of whiskey, going on adventures to food-centered destinations, and watching football while wearing boots and layered knit items.
We are two kick ass sorority girls always down to get a little muddy with the guys. At the young age of 22 we have both been able to accomplish many feats from navigating countless tailgates to dominating elevated surfaced without so much a drop of alcohol spilt.
We are four DC college students who enjoy activities ranging from a fancy cocktail night discussing public policy, to laying in bed in an oversized orioles t-shirt eating pizza and watching House Hunters International. We don’t discriminate. (redacted) is a dual major in Architecture and Civil Engineering, (redacted) is an Architecture major and volleyball player extraordinaire, (redacted) is an International Economics and Finance major, and (redacted) is a Bio(Pre-Med) major. We might be smart, but you could also call us alcoholics.
Best Answer:
Friends are mid-to-late twenties who enjoy beer league volleyball and kickball – really any sport involving some brews or single serve portable wines you can bring to the park. Who doesn’t love to coming back to the bench after getting pelted by the kickball at 2nd base only to see a nice Pinot Grigio calling your name? If that Pinot Grig with your name on it doesn’t cheer you up after getting a bruise on your hammy from the dude who nailed you with the kickball because he thinks we are playing for the national championship, I’m not sure what would. I played volleyball in college and am now a commercial real estate broker who abbreviates my words on the reg and goes to happy hours way too often, which typically turns into a full blown night out and a Pedialyte at work for breakfast.
What are your favorite fall activities?
Honorable Mentions:
As New Englanders, we’re pretty lucky as fall is the best season here. Apple picking, cider drinking, pumpkin carving, football watching, hayriding, apple bobbing, getting drunk in open pastures, dressing like sloots on Halloween, FRIENDSGIVING (we’ll cook dinner, you provide the dranks)
Bonfires, apple picking, tailgating, hiking and camping and enjoying the occasional round of golf in the nice weather (I went to college on a golf scholarship). I also want someone to take me clay shooting, but have been unsuccessful in wrangling my guy friends into that. Something about ‘man time.’
When it comes to the fall we enjoy trips to Yates cider mill, painting/carving pumpkins, hayrides (haunted and regular), and everyone’s favorite season (besides hockey season) tailgate season. On any given weekend we can be found in various outfits of maize and blue turning heads in Ann Arbor cheering the boys on to victory.
Best Answer:
This is Texas we’re talking about, right? I think you’re forgetting that its going to be hot as Satan’s taint (yeah, I just went there) until at least Halloween. But like, all of us are down to drink some fall themed beverages. Pumpkin ale? Check. Toddies? Duh (if it’s at least less than 70 degrees outside). Rose? Are you telling me that you’re so poor that you only drink rose in the summer? Fucking loser. PSL? Yes, but only with soy milk, no whip, and half the flavoring.
On a scale of 1 to Basic, how basic are you?
Honorable Mentions:
Since the greek life scene in DC is pretty subpar, we seldom have chances to wear outrageous costumes or dress up for theme parties, so we definitely go to any 80’s themed ski disco bar crawls we can squeeze in. For early afternoon bar games, maybe we’d wear a pair of jeans with a nice casual-but-cute white shirt. Tailgates up north see us wearing a festive school t-shirt with face paint and ribbons, and southern tailgates obviously go with sundresses and Jack Rodgers sandals. For our pickup game, it’s lulu leggings and a t-shirt I got from my brother’s cousin’s prep school senior night. Maybe with a sweatband if we’re feeling ambitious.
BAEsic. Our closets consist of quarter zips, open sweaters, dark skinny jeans, brown riding boots, bean boots, cute plaids, vests, Patagonias, scarves, cute headwear (fall hats, baseball caps worn backwards, etc).
On a scale of 1-Basic, we probably teeter at 6. Our love for pumpkin spice may push us a little further up on the chart. Our standard fall outfits include jeans, tall boots, and a big sweater or flannel, but we’ll certainly mix it up appropriately for all of our fall activities. For an afternoon tailgate, we’ll do our best to support our home team (or the one with our favorite colors if we don’t exactly have a vested interest). Sam loves a good hat, and Mare has a sweatshirt from almost every college from the continental US. Sometimes I steal my brother’s football jerseys, because isn’t that the point of siblings? Between the three of us, we’re always set. As for games at the bar, we’ll throw down in whatever we’re wearing from those twilight brews. We’re not afraid. And those games of two hand touch? Yogas and a long sleeve, obviously. Bring it.
Best Answer:
Basic AF. Sweater, jeans, knee high boots, curled hair that looks perfectly tousled. This is my world and you’re just living in it? Do we watch Real Housewives? Everyday and multiple times on Sunday. Do I have a Pinterest board dedicated to fall recipes? Yeah, and it’s actually just like 50 different ways to make pumpkin bread. Do I love wine? Sorry, I can’t answer right now, too busy brushing my teeth to get rid of my #winemouth.
What is your marital status?
Honorable Mentions:
Marital Status? Check the empty fingers. Yes, we do date, but going to “meet our guy friends for the game” will only improve our dating allure. See? This platonic relationship can work both ways.
Single, single, and single. Our guy friends are all bros as well, and they’ve trained us well for this opportunity.
Single with a consistent booty call. Between working and grad school for my MBA and hanging with my pup, dating isn’t a huge priority at the moment.
Best Answer:
SINGLE AS FUCK. I am committed to these three ladies and you gentlemen, come the first day of fall.
What are your rooting allegiances?
Honorable Mentions:
Indianapolis Colts & Notre Dame Fighting Irish, New England Patriots, whoever you’re rooting for – we got your back. #SPORTS #BALLS
We’re from Philadelphia, so that does tie up our allegiance as far as the NFL goes. When it comes to college, we need some guidance. We’ll trade you some pumpkin spice tips if you can help us become well-versed in the SEC front. One time a few years ago we went to a Virginia Tech-Duke game at VT. It’s safe to say none of us remember who won.
Texas Longhorns everything, SMU basketball come November, the Stros (because they are fire emoji lately), the Texans because we have to, but I can promise you that absolutely NO ONE will be cheering for the Cowboys.
Best Answer:
When it comes to picking a team to root for it’s simple for us: Detroit Hustles Harder.
What is your favorite Bob Seger song?
Every application responded “Night Moves” (with one that also included “Old Time Rock and Roll”) and if anyone tried to name a song that wasn’t by Bob Seger, their application was immediately thrown in the garbage. In the upset of the century, my favorite Bob Seger song is actually “Hollywood Nights” but that’s just me.
It’s ten minutes to game time, we haven’t responded to your texts, and you know we all blacked out the night before yet need to be at the bar for kickoff. What do you do?
Honorable Mentions
We’ll break into your apartment, find you, throw you into the (beer) shower, raid your closet for the appropriate game day attire, and drag your ass to the bar where (redacted) and (redacted) are waiting for us, first round in hands. #GAMEDAY
Prior to this group forming, I would ask that everyone sets 2 alarms on their iPhones. One at 9:30am MST and the other at 9:50am MST that repeats every Saturday and Sunday to ensure everyone is up and at ‘em for gameday.
Your options…
1) We’re with you, woke up earlier than you, and have McDonald’s breakfast.
2) Or we aren’t with you, can decipher the last few texts, and still bring McDonald’s breakfast because it’s 24/7 now.
3) You make it to the bar late and hungover, we take a million snapchats of your hungover state and add it to our stories. Sometimes you have to pay the piper…
Best Answer:
As Nicholas Sparks once wrote, “If you’re a blackout mess, I’m a blackout mess.”
What’s your plan of action when one of you inevitably falls for one of us?
Honorable Mentions:
Ha. That’s so cute. Y’all fall for us, not the other way around.
I would have a girls’ night with you, black out, and fall for who ever buys me whiskey, and I’ll be over it.
Two out of the four of us are off the table. Oh, did I not mention one of my girl friends is a lesbian? My b. Listen, I know people get flirtatious and handsy when they drink, but we are trying to keep this platonic as well. IF something happens, we may have to issue a trade for another friend.
Best Answer:
Don’t get ahead of yourself. We have commitment issues.
What does pumpkin spice mean to you?
Honorable Mentions:
Maybe you should break the streak and go to a Starbucks?
Starbucks actually adding PS to the PSL is an accurate description of what would happen if we were fall friends. Things would get REAL.
Want to jazz up your beer/coffee/candy/desert/candles etc pumpkin spice is the way to go. I actually happen to have a knockout pumpkin spice roll recipe.
Best Answer:
Gross. Just give me a black coffee and let me be me.
We’re settling up with our waitress and she hands us each our itemized tabs. What does yours say?
Honorable Mentions:
2 micro-brews (lagers or porters, none of that IPA shit) to start off slow, 6 shots of tequila for everyone who will take them with me, Teriyaki or BBQ wings, fries, and 4 Miller Lites or Yuengling depending on day.
Nothing, because my tab is on your tab. Thanks babe.
3 IPAs, 4 PBRs (Peebz), maybe a liquor drink if I’m feeling wild, obvi a round of shots to reciprocate your round, some sort of fried app and a spicy buffalo chicken sandwich – fried.
Two Blue Moons, a salad, 4 Coors Lights, an order of boneless buffalo wings because I’m still hungry but you’ll have to help me finish them, and a vodka cranberry because now I don’t care about appearances.
Depending on the night before, I am most likely starting off with some amber ales and moving to whatever is on special for the game. Moving down the bill to find multiple rounds of shots, because I love to making bets and buying shots as the penalty. Seeing those means that I lost but, hey, not everyone is perfect. Finally for the important stuff… 24 wings and maybe fries. The wings are most likely Asian zing/teriyaki and gold medal (spicy honey mustard)… or the bar’s form of that.
I don’t pay for food or drinks unless my boyfriends “loses his wallet” in a ploy to get me to start paying for shit. Neither does anyone in our squad, do you know who we are? But I guess to answer your question, items that will be added to your tab that we consumed are: mimosa carafes, a million vodka waters with lemon and lime, nachos, hummus, plate of fries.
Best Answer:
20 vodka cranberries and 4 of the shittiest house beer. 1 order of mozzarella sticks.
Do any of you have a dog we can maximum chill with either pre-game or post-game? If so, what is his/her name, breed, and favorite form of catch to play?
Honorable Mentions:
I’ve got a 1 year old Bernese Mountain dog named Tex.
I have a Rottweiler/Australian Shepherd mix named Hogan (after Ben, not Hulk) that unfortunately has no interest in catching or chasing balls of any kind, but will lay on the couch with you for 8 hours straight as long as you occasionally pet him.
I don’t have a dog but sometimes I get drunk and consider stealing one if people have them at the bar.
Best Answer:
Charlie aka Tupac. Yellow lab. Plays dead.
God, isn’t football season the best? .
Image via Shutterstock
Respond
Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
defriewf
will@grandex.co
“Mare has a sweatshirt from almost every college from the continental US.” I’m assuming those are all shacker shirts, right?
Also, I’ve fallen madly in love several times, mostly with whoever owns Tex the Bernese Mountain dog.
20 vodka cranberries girl is clearly not fucking around with this whole “pacing yourself” thing.
She should really eat something more filling than mozzarella sticks if she’s going that hard.
“Just give me a black coffee and let me be me.” PGP.
How do I stop being DebitsandCredits and start being Will deFries?
The Colts/Pats girl makes for an interesting combo.
Colts fan living in Boston makes me a leper.
People in Boston hate everyone, even other Bostonians.
Working late after a 3 day weekend. PGP
This is stellar. Well done, Will, and responders.
Most of them are trying way too hard.
Ladies from DC: I’m guessing you won’t be traveling to Austin, TX to chill with DeFries every weekend, so why don’t you join me and my basicbros come autumn? We’ll meet at Eastern Market for some bagels and coffee, then head down to Barrack’s Row and Lola’s for the 1:00 games. After 6 $3 Nick Lacheys (those are Miller Lites, because admit it you remember he drank those) we will head downtown to Blackfin, or maybe check the scene at Buffalo Billiards. After I convince everyone to do Fireball shots, we’ll uber over to TownHall where I’ll bum cigarettes on the back patio and you can hit on the SEC guy you always/never wanted to sleep with. Once the night game starts we’ll stumble next door to Mason Inn where you’ll switch to vodka water 2 lemons and I’ll have my 13 beer of the day.
Don’t worry about heading home with anyone, because this is platonic, but I will be enough of a gentleman to accept your uber split.
#ShootersShoot
You lost us at cigarettes.
Blue moon is gross.