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We all live in a digital age where we have unlimited access to each other. The internet is a beautiful and wonderful place, but with it comes unbearably annoying social media tendencies. For example, starting a bragging post with the words “I’m humbled” or possibly Snapchatting an entire concert instead of, you know, enjoying it for yourself. But topping that list is the number of selfies and seductive photos with a caption having to do with food.
If you haven’t already noticed, there’s this overwhelming phenomenon where hot people feel inclined to remind their audience they have some down-to-earth tendencies (that also don’t take away from their hotness). It’s as if to say, “Wow! Isn’t it effortlessly hilarious that I, a hot person, also enjoy doing things that a normal-looking person would do? You know? Like enjoying pizza and talking about taco Tuesday!”
I know that the witty caption about “the look I give when I see the waiter coming with my (insert food here)” was a real zinger circa 2012, but this nonsense has evolved beyond that tired one-liner.
Still unsure about what I’m talking about? Let’s decode some examples.
A Hot Bikini Photo
Caption: “A picture of me and all the people I share my pizza with.”
A more honest caption: “Hey, followers! Here’s a hot photo of me in a bikini. Can you tell I work out? I mean, we all know that exercise doesn’t bother me at all (I went to like five Barry’s Bootcamp classes this week) and also I’m effortlessly hot, so there’s that. Oh! You know what? Let me remind you that I DO still eat. Like a lot. I eat SO much, in fact, that I’m going to tell you that I can eat a whole pizza by myself. LOL can you believe that my metabolism is THAT fast?! Well, it is. And in case you were doubting it, here’s a picture of me in a bikini. I’m hilarious and adorable.”
Seductive Lip-Biting Selfie
Caption: “Caught thinking about food, probably.”
A more honest caption: “Okay, go ahead and judge the selfie but I haven’t done my makeup this well in at LEAST a month and I’m feelin’ myself. But I don’t want you to know that I think I look pretty here! No, no, no — I need to balance my hotness with humility. You know what would be so funny?! If someone thought this moment was captured when I was thinking about my next meal. OMG how adorable is that?! I mean I AM biting my lip (ugh, I hope I don’t smudge my Jeffree Star Cosmetics liquid lipstick). Like I’m hot but I like to eat. Perfect. Original. Brilliant.”
Not-So-Candid Laughing Picture With No Food In Sight
Caption: “I’m on a sea food diet. I see food, and I eat it.”
A more honest caption: “I saw this quotation on Pinterest once and I laughed SO hard — almost as hard as it looks like in this picture (but this pic wasn’t real laughing, it was my friend telling me it’d be cute if I laugh, you know? And she was right!). I mean, like, I didn’t re-pin the quotation because I want people to think I thought of this on my own. I’m creative like that. Beyond creative, I’m hot and I like to laugh (as indicated in this picture). Oh, and I don’t really like seafood and I’m allergic to shellfish anyway. But I’m funny and cute, right?”
All of this might seem as if I’m upset with beautiful people, but really I’m just encouraging you to own your hotness. No need to caption a great picture with something self-deprecating. You’re totally allowed to flaunt it without reminding your audience that you, like the rest of the population, eats food. .
Respond
KatieCallaway
Katie is 27 and is from Nashville, TN but lives in Los Angeles, CA as an actress, comedian, writer, and marketing manager. Although some might disagree, she likely peaked when she had dinner with Randy Jackson and he called her “dude” a lot. You can see her active on the Twitterverse at @KECallaway or you can also follow her new Insta at @KatieCallaway even though she hates Instagram.
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The reason these unfunny and unoriginal girl captions exist is that guys don’t care as long as Alexis Ren & Co are showing off those top-shelf yabbos
Top Shelf Yabbos… added to vocabulary
Alexis Ren is overshadowed by EmRata and its a damn shame
The captions are funny because the only thing they eat is ice cubes and celery once a week
Stock photo all star game MVP right hefs
Here*
Question for all, stock photo: Real or Fake?
If you can touch ’em, they’re real.
Does it matter?
Fake, cleavage is too far apart. Still would touch them though.
Yeah I reckon those are an ol’ custom job
How I actually look:
This comment is doing exactly what the article makes fun of, but the gif selection is so well done that I laughed.
I don’t know man, have you ever watched fajitas come straight towards you from the kitchen?
Examples of photos would have been helpful.
I think about this article every time one of my friends posts an insta like this
do I need an extra cup of coffee, or is anyone else confused about the title of this article
Hit the Keurig
I may be in the minority. But Keirig is trash.