======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
When I was growing up in the 90s, there weren’t really many surprises when it came to naming your kids. Sarahs, Ashleys, and Emilys ran abundant, all with the middle name Elizabeth. When it came to surprising name variations, it pretty much came down to not knowing whether your friend Katie spells her name with a C or a K. That’s it. Times were simple and easy, but of course, that couldn’t last long. Soon, names begin to change. It started slowly at first, by replacing a couple of i’s with y’s, or making Hayden and Lindsay gender-neutral. Still, those were minor changes, and ones we could deal with.
Then the shit hit the fan.
With celebrities naming their children things like Apple, Blue Ivy, and North West, the average American followed this trend like it was a crop top and started naming their kids things that really aren’t even words. By the time 2026 rolls around, I’ll be surprised if kids have names at all instead of just a combination of strange and unusual sounds to answer to.
However, as it turns out, the parents that decided to name their poor innocent child Mimosa may be having second thoughts. Huh, I wonder why. According to a survey by Mumsnet of British mothers, one in five parents regrets the name they gave their child. While some parents did say they had regret over giving their child a basic name, such as Charlotte, Thomas, or James, the biggest amount of regret came from those who gave their kids the “unique” names that are sadly now all too common.
Strangely enough, the moms didn’t regret that they’d forced another human being to answer to Pineapple Sherbet for the majority of a century; what they most regret was that their child’s name wasn’t unique enough. Facepalm. Apparently what upsets these moms the most is the fact that the unique and creative names they had spent nine months cultivating weren’t as unique as they’d planned and that their kids shared their identity with another group, organization, or child of Millennial parents. Apparently, the regret is bad enough that 6 percent of parents surveyed actually legally changed their kid’s names, hopefully to something a little more socially acceptable.
So for those of you out there considering popping out mini versions of yourselves in the near future, make smart choices when it comes to naming your progeny. No one wants to be named after a fruit or a Syrian rebel group, and I mean no one. Stick with the classics, and your kids will at least be able to find their names on a keychain at Disney World. Don’t do it for the kids. Do it for the tacky tourist souvenirs. .
[via Babble]
Respond
Steph W.
Steph W. is a new Master's degree graduate with an intern's salary and six-figure taste. She realizes her expectations far exceed reality, so she spends her days pinning away Loubs she pretends are in her physical closet instead of her virtual one. Her hobbies include attempting to trapping her boyfriend into marriage before he finds out how insane she is and pretending that Black Box wine tastes as good as the kind she could afford when she was gainfully employed. Send her tips for getting out of student debt at recruitchairtsm@gmail.com
@therecruitchair
Chalupa Batman McCarther will forever be the greatest baby name (albeit, fictional) I’ve ever heard
Can confirm – getting to call my shit-sipping friend’s son C.B. is one of the few shining moments in my otherwise pathetic day.
That was a beautiful trade and such deep collusion that I have to applaud you.
Basically treating their kids like objects by subjecting them to a lifetime of ridicule for a stupid ass name.
They’re a human being, not a yippy toy dog.
Hipsters are the root of this problem… Lets just get rid of them
I can’t wait to see how far Harambe jumps on the baby names list.
My nephew has a classmate named Isis. They refuse to change her name in any way. Poor girl.
Until recently that was actually a pretty normal name
In 5 or 10 more, it might not be that bad again.
I have the second most popular name from the year I was born. It has never bothered me in the least and I have several good friends that resulted from “My name’s John” “Me too” “let’s be friends!” In elementary school. My daughter’s current best friend has the same name as her. Your name is not the place to be a special snowflake.
Yeah there is no way Reign and Saint won’t be assholes, right?
Currently dealing with the anxiety of choosing a name. It’s considerably more stressful than I thought it would be.
Please don’t name him/her after me. Gets real weird when I go to Mexico… And not just because of the cock fights.
Same. It’s hard to envision a name that will not suck when the kid is 30.
Mike. Done.
Robert III just makes life easier on all fronts.
Kid’s gonna be injury prone though with a name like that.
It’s ok, there’s no G in his name anywhere.
“No one wants to be named after a fruit or a Syrian rebel group.”
Yeah, I was at a family gathering a few weeks back and met a 8 year old girl named Isis. And sure, it sounds funny. But when you see a kid sigh and get ready to hear the same jokes and give the same explanation about being named after an Egyptian goddess any time someone asks her what her name is, your heart breaks a little.
Poor kid. Really is a good name those fucks ruined.