Sack Up And Call Her

Sack Up And Call Her

First things first: I’m old. Older than the general readership of this site, and definitely older than the merry band of fart joke hucksters I write with. So take that for what it’s worth.

However, I noticed a couple of posts and comments here that kind of pissed me off. Those would be comments or posts in reference to texting someone to ask them out on a date.

I came of age at a time when Internet dating was exclusively for weirdos and middle-aged divorcées, and I didn’t get a smartphone until I was 24 so bear with me if a lot of this sounds like an old crotchety guy. I don’t want it to come off that way.

There were lessons to be learned with this lifestyle. It was like playing a video game on hard mode. I didn’t get to be swiped to find out if someone found me attractive. I had to find out through the trial and mostly error of speaking to potential partners in person.

I understand the simplicity and ease of texting. It’s comfortable, and there’s a certain separation that removes you from the prospect of soul-crushing rejection. But if you live your life scared, you’re never going to get anywhere in life. You can’t win if you don’t play.

Which is why you should grow a pair of balls (metaphorically speaking, of course. I believe this advice goes for the female pursuers out there as well) and call the person. It’s pretty easy – you take the number you were going to send a text message to, but use the “phone” icon instead. This will put you in voice contact with the person the number is assigned to. In this format, you are able to hear the inflection in the other person’s voice, and they can hear yours. You can even have a real conversation without the need for punctuation, emojis, or god forbid, a selfie of your face showing either disappointment or amusement.

I asked some of the female contributors if they preferred a call or a text for a date invitation. Overwhelmingly, they responded with the call being the form of communication the one that would most likely result in a yes. Fellow contributor Taylor even helped out this question by posting a Twitter poll. Unsurprisingly, asking in person was the highest response, followed by a phone call. Because a phone call is like being asked in person – the recipient isn’t reading the invitation in 160 characters or less.

Not only that, but it also shows that you’re the kind of person who isn’t going to hide behind an electronic wall when showing their interest. You put yourself out there, therefore, you’re clearly interested. Texts are for late night booty calls, not for dates where you may actually care about the person you’re contacting.

So sack up and dial the person. The worst thing that will happen is that he or she will say no, in which case you can go back to Snapchatting nudes like you were going to do anyway.

Image via Shutterstock

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International sailing champion and friend to most wolves. Except Larry, he knows what he did.

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