Read The Extensive List Of Email Phrases That Will Trigger A Compliance Review At Goldman Sachs

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The good people at Goldman Sachs are tired of your internet swearing and online discussion of confidential company information.

If you work at GS, chances are high that you’ve probably used one of the following phrases that automatically triggers a compliance review. It ranges the spectrum, from “I am not a happy camper” to “I lost an exorbitant amount of money” all the way to “who the fuck do you think you are?”

Goldman uses complex software surveillance system to track employee emails. If an email is flagged, it is then reviewed by a human employee who determines whether or not more action needs to be taken.

This “lexicon of terms,” as it is being described, is just a way for Goldman to uphold its professionalism and integrity, says their corporate communications hack.

From CNBC:

Today, Goldman’s communications monitoring is more extensive than it was in 2008 and encompasses communications technologies beyond email. And rules about profanity in email have tightened. Goldman employees say the email system automatically pops up a window if a user attempts to send an email containing a bad word. The sender must click a box to demonstrate that he or she is aware of the expletive and approves sending it before the offending email will go through. Goldman’s employees are told their electronic communications will be watched.

“We deploy cutting-edge technology and exercise the utmost care to protect confidential information, secure data and provide high-end client service,” said a spokeswoman for Goldman Sachs. “The firm’s monitoring efforts reflect our commitment to upholding the highest standards of professionalism and integrity.”

Here is the full list of email phrases that could get you sent to the principal’s office at Goldman. This document was produced in 2008, so it has surely grown in size and can probably incorporate memes and gifs now:

a sure {bet}|{thing}
adjust your account|losses|profits
against my expressed[?] wishes
answer {your}|{the} %ANY%[0\,3] phone
are {not responsive}|unresponsive
bad to worse
charge in excessive amount
charged {too much}|{excessively}
close|end|terminate my %ANY% [1\,5] relationship with GS|Goldman|{this firm}
Clowns {managing|running} the fund|show|portfolio|account|{my money}
concern* %ANY% [1\,5] safety of my money|fund|account
cover {your}|{our} losses
didn’t authorize the sale
didn’t|didnt|{did not} explain to me|us
disturbs|troubles me|us
don’t worry i’ll take care of it
don’t you f*cking understand
done|{did this} without %ANY% [1\,5] calling|emailing|contacting me|us|anyone
embezzled the account
extremely|really|quite|very unhappy|disappointed
failed to execute {our}|{my}instructions
fix the {trade}|{trades}|{commissions}
fix|adjust|change the trade*|commission*
formally|formal complain|complaint
found numerous|several errors|mistakes
give you a piece of {the}|{my} commission
how could this happen again[?]
How could you|GS|Goldman possibly[?] lose so|this|that much
I %ANY% [0\,4] {losing}|{lost} patience with {you}|{GS}|{Goldman}
I am not a happy camper
I didn’t {authorize}|{agree}
I expect {a|an|your}[?] {answer*|response} {today|now|asap}
I|we have lost|{run out of}|{ran out of} confidence|faith|trust|patience
I have raised %ANY% [1\,5] at least %ANY%[1\,3] times
I have raised %ANY% [1\,5] so many times
I lost {exorbitant|enormous amounts of}|{so|too much} money
I told you %ANY% {days|weeks|months} ago
I told you %ANY%[0\,1] {days|weeks|months} ago
i want the %ANY%[0\,2] trade reversed
I wanted out of %ANY%[3] {stock | {hedge fund} | fund | account | position}
I won’t|wont|{will not} pay for the|this trade
I {don’t}|{dont}|{do not} understand
I {trusted}|{believed in}|{had faith in} you
“I {was|am} extremely[?]{pissed|angry|concerned|upset|agitated|bothered|distressed|
perturbed|worried|vexed|confused|flustered|discouraged|
rattled|daunted|demoralized|disheartened|
dismayed|distraught|unnerved}}.”
I {would appreciate}|want {a|an} {call|email}
if this {doesn’t} | {does not} get resolved|fixed soon|immediately|{right now}
incompetent|inept fund|account management
increasingly|really getting[?] frustrated
it is your | goldmans | {goldman’s} job to make sure
I|we demand
I|we will not pay
lack of care|attention %ANY% [1\,5] my money|account*|fund*
let me remind you
losing confidence|faith|trust|patience
mad|angry|frustrated as hell|f*ck
make it up to you
my repeated {requests}|{request}
no longer be doing business
No one {called|emailed|contacted}
no one {{gave you}|{had} permission}|{said you could}
not %ANY%[0\,1] reasonable
not even one phone[?] {call} | {email} | {word} from {you | goldman}
not made aware
not {heard {back[?]} from you}|{what we agreed}
Paying fees {through|thru} the {nose|a—|butt}
phone {calls}|{call}e-mail{have}|{has} not been answered
piece of sh*t
pissed|pisses me off
poor|terrible|crappy {fund|account|portfolio}[?] results|performance
really %ANY%[0\,2] pissed|{PO’d}
rebate|refund my|your loss*
rebate|refund what I lost
register that|this as a complaint
remedy the situation
report the matter to the {sec}|{nasd}|{nyse}
reverse the commissions
reverse {this}|{the} %ANY%[0\,5] {trade}|{transaction}
screw*|f*ck* it up
so frustrat*
something {went}|{is really}|{will go} wrong
split the difference
statement complaint
still have not received
stock will {fly}|{soar}|{dive}|{tank}
supposed to be the top|best financial company
surprised|concerned|frustrated|angry that you didn’t|{did not} contact|call|email me
take care of any fees|commissions
taken advantage of {{the exemption in Financial Reporting Standard} | {the following exemptions on the first time adoption} | {any of the relaxed hedge accounting requirements} | {passport\\, this will still be subject to}úLSE%}[?]
That’s not what I {said}|{told you}
the {deal | account | fund | trade | trades} {was | were} not handled properly
there is a %ANY%[0\,3] problem
there is|are|{appears to be} a|several mistake*
there was an|a error|mistake
These managers give me a really[?] bad feeling
this is %ANY%[0\,5] totally[?] unacceptable|{not acceptable}
this is not fair
this won’t|{will not} happen again
this {is not}|isn’t|wasn’t|{was not} the %ANY% amount|{correct price}|price|stock|{correct stock}
This {part of the}[?] portfolio is[?] completely[?] sucks|stinks|f*cked up|{messed up}
time to dump
trades could|should be cancelled|reversed
transfer my {account}|{funds}immediately
troubles|disturbs|{disturbing to} me how long follow-up has taken
undo|break the trade
way too f*cking much
what happened to %ANY%[0\,5] money
What happened to my {money}|{account}|{trade}|{funds}?
what i f*cking said
what the hell|f*ck|heck {are|is} {you|GS|Goldman} doing with my|this|the {money|account|trade|funds|savings|portfolio}
what the {f*ck}|{hell}|{heck} {happened}|{is going on}|{is happening} with|to my|the|this {account|money|trade|fund*|savings|portfolio
Where did my {money}|{funds}|{account} go
where the {f*ck}|{hell} are you
who can I escalate the|this matter|issue|problem
who the {f*ck}|{hell}|{heck} said you could
who the {heck}|{f*ck}|{hell} do you think you are
who {supervises}|{manages} you
why should I|we pay
why {haven’t}|{didn’t} you {return}|{returned} my {call}|{calls}
won’t be doing business with you|GS|Goldman
worst investment
wrong amount|price|{number of shares}|stock
You didn’t follow my {instructions}|{wishes}|{plans}|{objectives}
You didn’t {tell me}|{say} that
You never {told me}|{said} that
you said you would {redeem|sell}
You stole from {me}|{my account}
you told me there {was no}|{wasnt any}|{wasn’t any} {downside risk}|{risk involved}
you were not up front
you werent|weren’t|{were not} authorized
you {didn’t}|{did not} | {didnt} {%ANY%[?] listen}|{supervise}
you {didn’t}|{did not}|{didn’t} {answer the question} | {reply}
you {f*cked}|{messed}|{screwed} up
you {have to}|{must} buy this stock
your|Goldman’s failure to comply|respond
you|GS|Goldman failed to comply|respond
{Call the SEC} {%precededby% {{Please. 20549}|{Please. D.C.}úLSE%}[?] } | {{{at 1-800-sec-0330} úlse%}[?]}
{contact}|{call the} {appropriate[*]} {authorities}|{regulators}|{nasd}|{nyse}|{sec}
{did not}|{didnt}|{didn’t} have permission to {buy}|{sell}|{trade}|{exchange}
{do not}|don’t have the confidence|faith|trust|patience to continue
{does not}|doesn’t|don’t respond|reply to my calls|emails
{don’t}|{dont}worry about the losses
{have|has} not received {the paperwork} | {any calls}
{I am}|I’m {%ANY%[0\,2]} {pissed off}|furious|irate|livid|incensed|upset|angry
{I am}|I’m|Im {not satisfied}|unsatisfied|dissatisfied
{i promise this time}|{this time i promise}
{i’ll}|{I will} fix {everything}|{it}
{i’ll}|{I will} work it out
{i’ve been trying}|{i’ve tried} to reach you
{i’ve}|{I have} been {unable}|{unsuccessful}trying to reach you
{i’ve}|{I have} contacted {my}|{an}|{your} attorney
{It’s|it is} %ANY%[0\,2] impossible to understand what|{what is} {{going on}|happened|occurred}
{I}|{Goldman Sachs}|{the firm}|{we} will make up the losses
{I}|{Goldman Sachs}|{the firm}|{we} {guarantee*}|{promis*}|{swear*} that[?] this won’t|{will not}|{will never} happen again
{I}|{we} will sue {you}|{your firm}|{Goldman}|{GS}
{I}|{we} will take you to court
{misrepresent}|{misrepresented}|{misrepresenting}|{misrepresents}
{regarding}|{concerning} your problem
{should have}|should’ve been bought|sold|done %ANY% [1\,5] ago
{transactions}|{transaction}|{trade} {was}|{were} never executed
{transfer|sale} still {hasn’t}|{has not} {happened|occurred}
{where have you been}|{where the {f*ck}|{hell}|{heck} have you been}
{who is}|{i want the name of} your {supervisor}|{manager}
{you’re}|{you are} a piece of sh*t
{your|these}{behavior|actions} are %ANY%[0\,1] {unacceptable|{not acceptable}}
{You}|{Goldman Sachs}|{the firm} were|was not authorized
{you}|{Goldman Sachs}|{your firm} personally guaranteed
{you}|{Goldman Sachs}|{your firm} will be hearing from my {attorney}|{lawyer}
{you}|{Goldman Sachs}|{your firm} {messed}|{screwed} up
{you}|{Goldman Sachs}|{your firm} {won’t}|{will not} get away with this
{mistake|error} on {your|GS|Goldman*} part
receiv* a|any|no response to my {email}|{call}|{inquir*}|{question*}|{complaint*}
{I}|{we} {did not}|{did’nt}|{didnt} receive|get a response
negatively affected by this|these %ANY%[0\,5] change*|error*|mistake*
{please let me}|{allow me to} address your {concerns}|{confusion}|{problem}
missing money|funds
{not happy}|unhappy|dissatisfied with the {way}|{manner} in which this is being handled|addressed|resolved
not happy|satisfied|content with the way GS|Goldman|you is|are handling|resolving|addressing this
GS|Goldman is really upsetting|frustrating me
{I don’t think this is}|{this is not}|{this isn’t} the type of customer service I deserve|expect*
avoid this kind|type of error|mistake|fumble|misstep|slipup|{foul up}|stumble
{please let me}|{allow me to} provide %ANY%[0\\,5] a|an reason|explanation
{I have}|{i’ve} been {unhappy}|{displeased}|{unsatisfied} with the {firm’s attitude}|{attitude of the firm}
I am {unhappy}|{displeased}|{unsatisfied} with the {firm’s attitude}|{attitude of the firm}
{I have}|{I’ve} found the {direction|attitude} of the firm {troubling|worrisome|disturbing|concerning|demoralizing|aggravating|perturbing|distressing|discomforting|disconcerting|demoralizing}
{I|we} find the {direction|attitude} of the firm {troubling|worrisome|disturbing|concerning|demoralizing|aggravating|perturbing|distressing|discomforting|disconcerting|demoralizing}
{my|our} {low|unsavory} view of {GS|goldman|{the firm}}
Not For[?] Communicat*|Distribut*|send*|delive* Outside %any%[\,2] Firm|GS|{goldman sachs}|goldman
for internal use in the offices of
internal only
internal u.s.e. only
{internal use only} { {%precededby% { {private|your | { for and confidential deemed is message this in } }úlse%}} | {{%any%[\\,2] {to be completed by} | {checking account number} }úlse%} | {%any%[0\\,5] SMARTPlus}úlse% }[?]
{social security}|{soc sec}|soc|ss{{no|number|#}[*]}%#\d\d\d\p\d\d\p\d\d\d\d%
{account|acct|acc|act}{{no|number|#
}[?]}{%#\d\d\d\p%[?]}{%#\d\d\d\d\d%}{%#\p\d%[?]}

What can you learn from this? Hopefully nothing. You should already know not to use your work email to send compromising information. Assume the office overlords are always watching. But if you just feel compelled to send a message, say something like, “Don’t worry about the losses, Goldman Sachs will work it out,” be sure to send it from your private email account on your private computer. At least then you might not be totally fucked..

[via CNBC]

Image via Unsplash

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