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We all find ourselves watching an episode of House Hunters from time to time. House Hunters gives us the opportunity to live vicariously through the biggest financial purchase of other’s lives. Money is so much easier to spend when it isn’t yours.
It also allows us to question our own career paths, relationship status, the state we live in and wish list in our future homes.That being said, these are some of the many thoughts that run through my head during an episode of House Hunters:
“They’re fresh out of college and can afford a $500,000 house?!?! Where did it all go wrong for me…?”
“I wonder how these two met”
“Nice place, but it isn’t in the school district where their toddler’s best friend goes to kindergarten.”
“She’s way out of his league – he must make a lot of money.”
“Uh-oh, I see wall paper. This bitch is going to FLIP. How does this guy put up with this broad?”
“Nice place, but the backyard isn’t fenced in for the dogs to run around in.”
“This house has too many walls.”
“Look at that kitchen. The 80s were weird, man”
“Nice place, but it’s within 30 miles to a highway. How on earth will they sleep at night?”
“That’s a lot of grass to mow. He was breathing pretty heavy going up those stairs before, he’s definitely going to
have to pay a guy.”
“Ugh, I hate when I miss the introduction. Now I don’t know what kind of outdoor activities these two pretend to
participate in on a regular basis.”
“Nice place, but it doesn’t have a grand foyer that she won’t shut the fuck up about”
“How much money do you have to make a year to live in California?”
“Another episode in Waco, Texas? I want to know where all the former residents are relocating to.”
“Nice place, but this chick doesn’t paint her own finger nails – you really think she’s going to paint her own
bedroom?”
“Maybe I should consider relocating.”
“This will be the year I finally get my real estate license.”
“Nice place, but it’s hard to imagine living there without a fully furnished theater room included.”
“Can they really knock that wall down? It looks to be load bearing”
“Why did they marry so young?”
“Nice place, but not having a garage that can house five cars, an RV and a boat is a deal breaking”
“I think I could take out a bank loan and buy an entire town in Florida if houses are that cheap”
“I swear to god, if they talk about knocking a wall down one more time…”
“Nice place, but it’s not walking distance to the shops they will never visit.”
“A fixer upper? Please, these two can’t look past carpeted floors. They have no vision for a remodel.”
“Is it mandatory for at least one of the three houses to contain a pink bathroom?”
“Nice place, but how do you expect her clothes to fit in a closet that is only the size of Delaware?”
“This place is way over budget. Why even waste our time?”
“Who’s the dick that ever thought popcorn ceilings were a good look?”
“There were pros and cons will all three places. Now they just need to compromise. And by compromise I mean buy the house that fits her needs since she will probably end up getting it in the divorce anyways.”
Please do a “Where are they now?” episode and show them under a collapsed house after taking down too many walls..
Image via YouTube
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LifeOfaReilly
If you take everything I've accomplished in my entire life and condense it down into one day, it looks decent!
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Oh, she stays at home by herself all day in her “craft room” while he works 50+ hours a week in the office? Yeah, she should definitely buy the over-budget house that ALSO includes a 90 minute commute for him.
Fixer upper > house hunters
she’s a babe
You might be thinking flip or flop.
Not that Joanna is bad looking, but she puts off a more down to earth vibe, and is also still married.
Million Dollar Listing>>>
I like to think I’ll be able to afford those places one day. Reality isn’t being too kind right now though.
The shows that include a lot of arduous looking housework just gives me anxiety about having to rip out my own wiring in the near future
So very wrong
How the fuck do these young couples afford houses like that?
It’s like when you see a sitcom and the young people live In places that would cost $20k a month in real life yet their occupations in the show usually are coffee barista or waitress or bartender.
They should show the realities of life and have a young couple take a tour of a cardboard box favela behind an abandoned K-Mart as they talk about their marketing manager and UX designer careers and share their hopes of raising a child in a world that’s just gonna mentally destroy it once it hits like 10 years old
What did Friends ever do to you?
It showed me that I can’t sit in a coffee shop crying as I write shitty screen plays and TV pilots and still go get groceries, Finn.
Dropping the name. I like it.
They go into debt like idiots.
Honestly, I come for the columns, but stick around to see what you can come up with in the comments. Please never change.
Big fan of the show but I hear “eclectic, vintage, quirky and home with character” so much that they’ve lost meaning to me. My favorite though is “entertainment space,” I’ve started to use this when talking to other adults about my place but it’s really a euphemism for the tiny yard next to my casita where I sit in a lawn chair and get drunk by myself.
Love me some Flip or Flop….. mostly because of Christina. Sup.
I hear she’s single
Can’t get past that voice of hers.
How to cheat at House Hunters:
In order to be on the show, you have to be in escrow. Two of the three properties are fake, and they always pick the one that is unfurnished (because they own it but haven’t moved in yet).
“In escrow” doesn’t mean you own it. You’re in escrow right up until you close, then you own it. And the previous owner’s stuff can be in the house right until close, because they own it.
*at least in escrow
Stock photo guy knows the frozen pizza goes inside the oven, not on top, right?
You Papa John?
No, but I ironically did work there in high school. I’d considerable myself an expert on most things pizza related.
18 months into my reno project and I have discovered a few things:
1. I hate all HGTV and DIY shows now
2. Glass tile is a pain to install and ends up being expensive
3. Doors are the least important purchase
4. Plaster and lath was a horrible invention, drywall is king
5. Shopping for toilets is weird
I refused to buy a toilet that sounded too dainty. I don’t want a “Cadet” or a “Diplomat”, I want the American Standard Shitcrusher 4000, or the Kohler Grizzly Bear or something.
The kohler comfort height is the way to go,
Granite countertops are the most important quality in a home for at least 78% of couples on this show.
Also, on Property Virgins, how is it always “I’m a barista and he’s a part-time guitar teacher and our budget is 750k-800k CAD…” WTF?
Also, Sandra Rinomato…she knows what she’s doing with those sweater puppies.
0% down, 30-years?
That’s an average of $2,222.22/mo in principle at 0% interest (800k/360). Seems unrealistic.