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Oh hey, it’s me again. Hi. It feels good to have a voice every now and again because as time goes on, our generation’s voice is slowly getting ball gagged more and more like some luxury escort that’s been hired to do sex things at some DC mansion masquerade party after a political national convention. The sad thing is, that escort is probably some woman in her early 20s trying to find a lucrative way to pay for college because she makes more money doing that than getting a job with her degree. Don’t worry, the people from both sides of the coin drink from the same chalice, sniff off the same coke spoon, and mingle at the same global summits so you can sleep better at night knowing that none of them give an actual shit about you, us, or our problems.
With tensions rising within our own country and the gap between the rich and poor ever widening, our generation is the one caught in the middle of it all. It’s like being tied in between two horses that are running in opposite directions. Eventually we’ll split. The older I get, the more I realize that people never actually grow up. They just become uglier looking from the outside with the same selfish, inherent traits as children on the inside. The only difference being they have crossed the middle threshold of the existence spectrum and they’re closer to the side of the endless black hole. Ever notice how most, if not all politicians have the same haircut as a little boy who’s getting his class photo taken for the first grade? You know, the kid whose mother dressed them and got them ready? It’s strange. It’s even more strange that people look up to these people as if they grew up with daddy/mommy issues while they use their “votes” as a tool for self righteous indignation. After looking at the divorce statistics around here, it starts to make a little bit more sense, actually. Listen, none of them are going to solve our generation’s problems, it’s up to us to do it ourselves. If anything, they’re trying to prevent us from solving them because they have a lot invested in this ride. Luckily, we’re smart and we know how to hack things.
In my last column, I mentioned possible alternatives to investing in student loan default collections companies. I didn’t provide their names or their stock tickers because I know that some of you will dig in and do the research yourselves and that’s a good thing. We should always be learning. Also, I wouldn’t be surprised if they have an internet scrubbing script that highlights their own keywords to see if the loan defaulters they are looking to reach have used the internet search engines and social media outlets to express their grief and hard times publicly. This can then be used against us. So, you’re welcome for caring about your privacy. As a generation, we need to start putting our money where our mouths used to be because they are systemically cutting out our possibility of having a voice from every conceivable angle and the only language they are fluent in is the one of the dollar. I know we don’t have many of those individually, but collectively, we can scrounge up some change and use it in an intelligent way. It seems that our best option is “if you can’t beat them, join them”. So, let’s get right to it.
For starters, let’s invest in some real estate management and development companies. Since we basically live in a society of temporary renters in urban areas, these companies will be in business for a long time. Most cities are only building high rise apartment complexes and condos that aren’t for sale and they’re usually foreign owned. If you want to get granular, start looking into concrete, glass, and steel manufacturers since all the buildings are made from these three things. Everyone needs a place to live, am I right? If you choose the right investment, you might be able to take the capital gains and roll them into the rent of your overpriced, concrete box that overlooks other overpriced concrete boxes filled with people who are just “happy to be here.” It’s kind of like being in a prison cell but you have to spend almost 75% of your income to lie down inside of. At least you get the freedom to walk across the street without a chaperone and get a $16 hamburger with chipotle aioli mayo on it. With fries sold separately. Oh, I’m sorry, there are cameras outside watching your every move and so are the two cameras that are inside your phone that’s in your hand and also the microphone. You see, we’re all just overgrown children who can’t be left alone.
Next, we can start investing in heart disease and diabetes, I mean McDonald’s and Coca-Cola. Since these companies produce garbage products that feed and quench the masses, we can then move some of our money over to healthcare stocks and pharmaceutical stocks that focus on the treatments of those diseases. We’ll be able to combine the gains since they are directly correlated. These two companies do really well among the less fortunate in terms of finances and since 80 percent of Americans can’t afford a $1,000 emergency, these companies have a solid lifetime value since almost everyone is poor. While you’re at it, why not throw some money at Constellation Brands because when times are good, people like getting drunk and when times are bad, people also like getting drunk but more.
This next suggestion will put us to a Thanos level of sociopath-ism. The same level of the people who own and run everything. Folks, let’s hypothetically say that we are teetering on an economic collapse (we are getting there). Usually after one of those things happens, either a large scale world war or a clandestine proxy war breaks out, especially if no one gets bailed out this time (i.e. the banks). How can we sort of win in this situation before we all go to hell? Well, you know who never really loses money in this country? “Defense” contractors and weapons manufacturers. It’s like investing in electricity utility stocks; no one in their right mind will ever let the power go out…you see what I did there? Lol. Speaking of which, when the economy does tank, it’s a really good idea to put most of your money in the utility grid because that’s what keeps us alive. Instead of buying that rare pair of Yeezy’s, why not fork over some money and invest in Uranium mine streaming companies because let’s be honest with ourselves, the next world war is probably gonna be a nuclear one. It’s time we start shorting the psychology of human greed and its superiority complex. The beauty of mine streaming companies is that they don’t have the overhead costs for equipment, labor, and safety regulations that the actual mining companies do. Instead, they take a large cut of the valued asset that is being mined and sell it for a profit. Think of it as Spotify but for global imperialism which is music to most people’s ears on Capitol Hill. Now, they’re going to have to use that Uranium for something which leads to the next investments. Entergy for nuclear power plants/reactors and Raytheon, Lockheed Martin, Boeing, General Dynamics, and General Atomics for other, more fucked up things.
These companies build the weapons and the machines that carry the weapons that also carry the Uranium. It’s diversification in a single operational use case! Since the people who own the people that we “vote” for are really good at shady business deals, they usually sell these things to the places we are at war with or are about to be at war with just to make it a somewhat fair fight and prolong the profit lifetime value while extracting the area of valued resources in the process. They usually sell off last year’s excess inventory. Think of the military industrial complex as a type of dark web used car dealership that has pretty good fire sales but without the annoying commercials or salespeople and absolutely no warranty or return policy, unless you count body bags, but who’s kidding, that’s what insurance companies are for. Especially the “life” ones. That’s why we need to diversify our portfolio outside of America and place some of our money into China, India, Russia (America’s opposite twin), Sweden, Switzerland, and South America. If this country collapses, you’re going to want to build an escape route and luckily, you’ll be able to choose your next inhabitants based on the country that provides the most ROI with the best standard of living once it rises from the ashes. It’s like the game Whack-A-Mole except the holes are bomb craters and there are probably only a few places left to go. Think of it as the yellow brick road except we left the Gold Standard a long ass time ago, the same can be said about the Golden Rule. There’s a reason why the massively wealthy here in North America are starting to buy up land and real estate in South America or trying to build their own privatized space programs from scratch. They don’t even want to be here either and they’re the ones who helped us get where we find ourselves today.
Lastly, you ever notice how the weather patterns are frequently more severe the last decade or so? I don’t need to tell you what the cause is because you already know but there are swaths of dumb people, some in high places in society that don’t think ManBearPig is real. I say we capitalize on their ignorance by investing in salt water desalination companies and water purification technology. When Nashville starts advertising “soon to be waterfront property” in the Gulf, you’re going to like your returns. Trust me. Also, anytime a natural disaster like a hurricane happens which are happening more and more, the areas that are hit hard need clean water due to their water supply being contaminated and their electricity being knocked out. Investing in these types of companies is a nice gesture since they help humanity out but it also has an ulterior motive since we’d be making money off of the misery of others and possibly ourselves. I guess that’s what living here is all about because ulterior motives are what drive this internal combustion engine. If you follow the frequency waves of the HAARP system at the right time, you’ll also be able to get a good idea of where the next major newsworthy natural disaster is going to occur but let’s not talk about that because we don’t want to end up like that dude who leaked Hillary’s emails as he was jogging around his neighborhood….he’s dead by the way.
Yes, some of these suggestions are psychotic, and I don’t personally agree with them, but this is what the “successful” people around here are doing. I’m shedding light to prove a point and the point is that there doesn’t seem to be a point anymore. We live in a society that is consciously cannibalizing itself to accumulate something that technically doesn’t have any meaning or value even though it means and values everything yet we do nothing to change it. This place has become a soulless cash grab and the less of a soul you have, the higher you seem to climb up the unstable success ladder.
Do you want to be just another person living a life of mediocrity and yelling at shitbird teenagers who are driving too fast past your house in a quiet suburb? We can’t even afford to get to that level as a generation. Meanwhile, you try to fend off the crippling anxiety of meeting your upcoming mortgage payment because you went out to Chili’s for lunch on a Friday with some coworkers to get some semblance of fun. To me, that sounds like a pretty sweet life minus the financial anxiety but to the ones at the top, it’s the life of someone they can take advantage of. Someone who’s just going to do what they’re told and do what’s expected and eventually things will work themselves out. Or they don’t? It’s the life we grew up with as kids that’s been moved from arms reach yet it’ still on the table, staring at us like a stoned out junkie under the overpass you drive through to get to work. Orrrr would you rather not have a soul but have a beachfront mansion, maybe a yacht with a helicopter pad, maybe a private jet filled with bricks of cocaine supplied by the CIA to perpetuate the drug war and the private prison industry, and maybe even your own A-10 Warthog that you can probably buy back from some expat mercenary? Here’s the funny thing about “things,” they usually outlive you.
The future of prosperity for our generation isn’t looking too good right now. I mean, for fuck’s sake Toys R’ Us just went bankrupt, meanwhile, the pet industry is growing exponentially. So what does that tell you about our future, our disposable income, and the traditional values of the “family unit” that the very same people who are cutting our health insurance and looking the other way while kids are being put in cages in some abandoned Walmart rave about so much under the guise of wholesome religious beliefs? Just like how Walmart slashes prices, the people in control have been slashing the value of humans and life all together. So again, we should reap the opportunities of the demise because death is a form of rebirth and we can change everything once the forest fire has burnt out all the underbrush between the standing trees of this archaic system. Lol