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It’s already been made clear that people are naming their kids in the most asshole-y ways they can possibly think of, and it’s not Gwyneth Paltrow naming her kid “Apple.”
But now it’s come to light that parents are putting the names of Instagram filters on birth certificates, because of course. Allow Time to explain:
Millennial parents are looking to Instagram filters to help name their children, according to one parenting site. The most popular name derived from the photo-sharing app was Lux, which rose 75% on the list of baby boy names compared to last year, new statistics from BabyCenter.com show.
Ludwig, Amaro, Reyes, Hudson and Kelvin also increased in popularity for boy names, while baby girls were named Juno, Valencia and Willow.
I mean, we really should’ve seen this coming from a mile away, but perhaps the logical side of all of us just hoped it would never come to this.
I, personally, think even using the stock filters on Instagram is a hoe-ass move, so naming my kid after one is just out of the question. Clarendon? Moon? Lark? Hudson? Valencia? X-Pro II? Hefe? Okay, I’ll let that slide but only because any kid named Hefe is going to be the mob boss of the cafeteria, just stealing Pokémon cards and POG slammers. People still play with those, right?
The miserable thing is that some people in the wild already have these names. Lark? That’s Lisa Turtle’s name when she isn’t on Saved By The Bell. Juno? Ellen Page covered that one in that movie where George Michael Bluth knocked her up. And Willow is the name of Will Smith’s daughter, who is an asshole by association given her close relationship with her brother Jaden.
Can’t we all just name our kids after our grandparents like the olden days? .
[via Time]
Image via Unsplash
Respond
Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
defriewf
will@grandex.co
First name Hashtag, middle name NoFilter
I look forward to my kids having play dates with X-Pro II and Lo-Fi
Dammit Lux is the Latin word for light and I always thought that’d be a cute name. Now it’s off the table. I hate our generation.
You can still do it I think. My cousin named her son Hudson a while back and I don’t think anyone thought of Instagram..
Oh good, just when I thought I had run out of reasons to hate this generation.
X Pro II would be a sick name. You can’t convince me otherwise.
I might take some laps, but I think Valencia would be a pretty name
Because it actually is a (albeit unpopular) name.
We could just not have kids…Or you could name your kid Gingham to forever remind them of their future attire as they wither away in an office cubicle for 45 years since it’s a high probability that, that will be their future anyway. It’s probably better to spare a future generation such misery until we all figure out how to make a better society with the people we already have.
Hey, Buzz Killington, how about you take a break from your nihilism and shut the fuck up?
Nothing matters. Wednesday is just another Monday. God is dead. Drink Pespsi.
Drink Pepsi?
Lmao, I mean I thought that the whole “hey shits fucked up, let’s try and make society better” approach was a good idea.
Haha relax dude, it’s supposed to be taken as a sarcastic joke. So hostile over there.
I’ll have you know I wither away in a converted storage room thank you very much.
Fuck
Sorry, that was a little too real for a morning read.