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“I’m not that kind of girl,” she said to me as we laid in bed together.
“Wait… just so we’re clear – you don’t want to get dinner with me?” I said in a confused manner.
“No. I mean yeah, of course, I do. But what I’m saying is I don’t want you to feel like you have to take me out. I’m not someone that needs to be taken out to dinner by a boy to prove to me that he likes me.”
I remember having this conversation like it was yesterday. It was nothing more than pillow talk with a girl who I would end up dating on and off for a few years, but I think a lot of people in their 20s have had that exact same conversation before. As a boy growing up, I had an expectation that taking girls out on dates was just part of the process of getting a girlfriend. But that conversation I had in bed that night some six odd years ago shaped how I look at dating now.
Going on dates is not something that is incredibly popular with Millennial Nation. Yes, we have all of these different dating apps and this insane technology that in theory is supposed to make dating easier, but what it’s really done is eliminate the feeling like you have to go on a date at all if you want to get laid.
There’s no more courting process. Dating apps have eliminated the middle man which is also known as the dinner date.
If you’re on Bumble, Hinge, Tinder, The League (if you’re on this one give me a shout because you’re probably loaded), or any other one of these apps your end goal is supposedly to find a girlfriend or boyfriend, right? Wrong. Most people are looking to have sex. Enough with the facade.
We all find ourselves looking for a quick fix. “Getting drinks” is now the go-to move when you’ve both swiped right because it’s easier than going out for dinner.
It’s less pressure. And yes, technically I guess that it still a date. But a date should be about getting to know someone. When you meet for drinks it’s just different than it is when it’s for dinner.
It removes the need for the man in the conversation to have a spine. Deep down we’re all terrified of the thought of having to get to know someone.
Drinks are non-committal and a lot less nerve wracking. Dinner is a whole nother ball game.
And here’s the God’s honest truth. Guys know that they can get away with asking a girl out for drinks, forego the dinner, and probably still get laid.
This is all a whole lot easier than getting a reservation somewhere, paying for dinner AND drinks, and then probably getting more drinks at another bar after dinner.
He’ll get the same end result but come home to find that he spent half of what he would have if they had gotten food as well.
I enjoy going on dates. Real, honest to God dinner dates, not just drinks. For whatever reason, going out to dinner with someone who I don’t know and just kind of seeing where the night takes me is a fun way to spend a Friday night.
Yeah, it might be a little on the expensive side to pay for two people’s food and beverages but at the end of the day it’s one meal, it’s not an entire paycheck. Money is fleeting but a story about dinner with some stranger that goes completely awry is a forever memory.
I believe myself to be an outlier in this sense. And I can guarantee you that there are going to be some people who comment on this and say I’m wrong. That they go on dates and they have plenty of friends who go on dates too.
I’m telling you that I’m right. Those anonymous internet trolls who say that I’m exaggerating are outliers too. Listen to me when I tell you that hardly anyone that is single is going on real dates anymore.
I have friends who are regularly going out to dinner with their lady friends, but those friends are people in committed relationships. I honestly can’t name a single one of my friends or even loose acquaintances who have been on a date in the past six months. It just doesn’t happen.
Most of my friends get on dating apps when they’re bored after work and sitting on the couch.
The chances of them actually starting a conversation with anyone who they match with is slim to none. They might make plans to “get drinks” with someone once every ten times that they begin swiping on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, etc.
More often than not they’ll roll the dice and go out on the prowl hoping they can sweet talk their way into someone’s pants for the night.
A date, though? With dinner? Maybe even an appetizer? And then you’re telling me that there’s no guarantee that you’re going to get laid at the end of all of this? No way. Count my demographic out of that crap shoot.
Dating has fallen completely by the wayside in favor of group hangs where people who are hooking up will just meet up at a party or bar where all of their friends are. Courting, at least in the sense that one feels obligated to get dinner to get to know someone, is a thing of the past like SPAM and black and white television.
Dating apps were supposed to make everything easier for us, but what they’ve actually done is completely eliminate the phrase “What do you think about dinner and drinks this weekend?” from our collective vocabularies. What a world. .
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Respond
jduda@grandex.co
The best move after matching with someone is to really court them, take them on nice dates but wait for sex. Have your shit together and give off the vibe that you’d be a great potential significant other. Finally get in their pants, maybe even two or three times if it was good, then immediately break it off. Proceed to repeat process with another match, then another again.
Build that roster. Stack ex-wives. Nice!
Also known as the DENNIS system.
Low key sociopath move
Last Saturday night, I asked a girl at the bar on a date to get 2am pizza and go back to my apartment to make a two piece puzzle. She respectfully declined.
Maybe if you were a better salesman….
Do people go on dates if they just want to get laid? Nah, not really. Do people go on dates if they actually like the person and can see getting into a relationship with him/her? Fuck yeah.
This is entirely correct. If I don’t know the girl/know I’m not really that interested, there’s no point investing that time, money, or energy. If I like her and want to wife her up, you go all out.
*the type girls I associate with don’t go on dates*
I only read the headline but I disagree
super insightful, thank you
Do you guys have beef or something? Please get into a very public argument today, o have nothing going on.
Ehh nothing I can think of. Unless you have something John?
Nope I’ve got no beef with you whatsoever. I do feel like we’d butt heads on best dive bars in wicker park tho
Plot twist: wicker park is just one big dive bar.
Just had to Google where wicker Park. Every time I read your guy’s stuff I learn more about the layout of Chicago.
Yeah more than likely. Healthy disagreement is a good thing.
Ah fuck I actually read it and I agree with you on a lot of this. Thought it was going to have a whole different angle.
Did I just use dating apps the wrong way, or are people actually spending hours talking with someone? I would usually get impatient after a dozen or so messages and ask the girl out to drinks. It seemed to have a pretty high success rate.
The problem with online dating is that even if you’ve been texting for a bit, you still don’t really have a feel for a person until you’ve sat down and met them in person. That’s why drinks are great for a first date. Casual, noncommittal and low pressure.
I won’t let you shame me because I don’t bust out the tapas until the second or third date.
Tapas are trash anyways.
small plates are the worst thing to ever happen to this country and me personally
Yeah but the ladies really do love them. I don’t know if it’s the tapas themselves or the idea of tapas ¯_(ツ)_/¯
So when I’m in Vegas this weekend and a girl way out of my league asks if I’m looking for a date, does that mean she wants me to buy her a drink, or are we going for the $19.99 buffet? I’m confused.
More like the $199.99 buffet.
Aren’t you married?
Happily. It was a joke.
Dates are awesome because even if it’s terrible, you still get a decent story out of it.
And if it’s good, you get 2+ stories out of it. And also, food.
Agree that no one goes on formal dinner dates anymore but I feel like getting drinks is still a date. And even if its casual I wouldn’t hook up with someone without at least letting them buy me a few beers
You must not like sex anymore
Very much* goddamn no edit button
honestly still confused as to what you tried to say here.
honestly still confused as to what you tried to say.
Referring to the “I wouldn’t hook up with someone without at least letting them buy me a few beers”
It all makes perfect sense now. I’m with ya 10300%
Maybe enough people are buying me beers that this isn’t an issue 🙂
Sup