Nike Is Suing A CrossFit Gym For Being A Bunch Of Posers

All I can say is, they had it coming. Nike has finally had enough of one CrossFit gym’s garbage. They’re suing them for trademark violations. A West Palm Beach, Florida CrossFit gym (I will not call it a “box”) for their logo, which looks curiously like an upside down Nike “Jumpman” logo:

Screen Shot 2014-10-10 at 11.18.30 AM

I can imagine how the meeting went down…

Benchpress Bob: “Bro, check out this SICK logo I just made.”

Burpee Ben: “Holy shit, bro! That’s gonna take us to the next level. Straight up Taebo-style, except way more harder this time.”

Benchpress Bob: “You know it, dog. You know what else is sick? It looks JUST like the Jumpman logo, except it’s upside down, so they can’t sue us!”

Burpee Ben: “You’re a goddamn evil genius! Now watch me work out so hard right here.”

Burpee Ben does 14 cartwheels while attempting to do bicep curls with kettle bells and tears his ACL.

Well, fast forward into the future and Nike is suing their balls off because they want absolutely nothing to do with the worst exercise trend since Prancercising. From My Palm Beach Post:

Nike opposes CrossFit CityPlace’s effort to trademark its logo because it believes the logo is too similar to “jump-man.” Nike says the CityPlace CrossFit logo will create confusion with the public, causing the sneaker maker “grave and irreparable damage.”

Good on you, Nike. You don’t need CrossFit damaging your brand that you’ve worked so hard on building. Bo Jackson, Michael Jordan, LeBron James. You’ve been behind some of the biggest sports icons of all time. The last thing you need is being confused with CrossFit.

Of course, CrossFit is fighting back claiming that this is just another case of Corporate America trying to keep the little man down. Here’s what the CrossFit gym owner Matt Brewster had to say:

“They’re trying to bully the little guy because they’ve got more money. They’re trying to scare us, but we’re not going to be scared.”

You got me there. I don’t like it when big, bad corpo tries to come down on anyone. Let’s see what CrossFit’s lawyer, Michael Pike, had to say:

“Nike cannot manipulate the mark by turning it upright and then claiming that our upside-down handstand resembles a jump-man, i.e. Michael Jordan. And with all due respect to Michael Jordan, I’ve never seen Michael Jordan slam dunk a 70-pound kettle bell upside down.”

Okay. I take it all back. Of course you’ve never seen Michael Jordan slam dunk a 70-pound kettle bell upside down, because MICHAEL JORDAN PLAYED REAL FUCKING SPORTS. And It doesn’t look like that’s a kettle bell in your logo. Let’s flip it and see for ourselves:

Screen Shot 2014-10-10 at 11.09.30 AM

Yep. Just looks like your standard ripoff to me. Take ’em down, Uncle Phil. Let the schadenfreude commence.

[via My Palm Beach Post]

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

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