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Big, BIG news today. The Mailbag, a podcast based on this series, is going live on iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts this week. It would mean a lot to me if you all would subscribe, rate it five stars, and leave a review for me. This goes a long way in helping us climb the charts and get it in front of more people.
Episode 11, featuring Dan Regester, is below.
1. Hey Dill,
I am facing an issue that many of us post-grads have – I hate my job. But this is beyond your normal hate. This is like cry on my lunch break, have extreme anxiety every morning kind of hate. It’s a long story that I won’t get to into, but essentially my boss/owner of my company is a huge asshole and super sexist. Objectfies women interviewing here, calls women fat bitches, hates any woman that tries to voice an opinion – a mistake I made after being here for a few years which is why he started to hate me. He is essentially trying to push me out of the company by making my job as unbearable as possible because he doesn’t want to pay unemployment (I’ve seen him do this to two other employees so I know this is the case). He’s been overloading me with work so I can’t hit deadlines, making people who have been here for a month my supervisor, consistently yelling at me in meetings, etc. All of my coworkers are totally dumbfounded about why he’s acting this way to me and are all considering leaving as well, so it isn’t just me that has a problem with him. I’ve tried talking to him about this but he was a huge dick and it went no where.
Obvious thing to do is to get a new job, right? The trouble is that I haven’t found another job yet, but after I get home from work I am mentally exhausted and while I’ve applied to some 30 jobs, I just can’t bring myself to spend all of my downtime doing that.
Since I’m on the verge of a full blown panic attack at all times, I’m considering quitting without a backup plan. I’ve got five-ish grand in the bank and could pick up some freelance work in the meantime. I think if I had 9-5 free to apply for jobs I could probably find something easier.
Is this nuts or the worst idea ever? I feel like everyone says not to do this but being at this job is killllllllling me.
This isn’t the worst idea ever. You HAVE to get out of this situation as quickly as possible. Your happiness and general quality of life take priority over a steady paycheck in this case. Holy shit, this guy is human garbage.
Pick up a job at the grocery store while you job search if you have to. Maybe borrow a little money from your parents if that’s an option. It will all be worth it once you’re finally settled in at your new position, with a new company, with a new manager. Look after yourself. There’s not enough compensation for the amount of stress and anxiety this fuck is putting you through.
2. Hi Dillon,
First and foremost, I wanted to reach out and say thanks for what you’re doing with the pod. I absolutely love it!
Today I was having a real bummer of a day at work; I just wanted to go home and drink wine. But after listening to The Mailbag on my commute home, laughing to you all going back and forth, I felt so much better. (Full disclosure: still drank the wine).
I’m writing today hoping to get some advice.
This past weekend, Halloween got the best of me and I ended up hooking up with a close friend of mine. I immediately regretted it. I just do not like him like that. Now I’m stuck trying to figure out how to move past this and get back to our friendship the way it was. Can it even be done? I would love a man’s perspective.
I can’t wait to keep listening next week on it’s own feed.
So your friend got the call up out of the friend zone and now you’re trying to demote him right back down. It can be done as long as he doesn’t have feelings for you, because if he does have feelings for you AND he got a taste of the promised land, this journey will not end well.
You’ll have to explain to him that what happened was a mistake, that it will not happen again, and that you’d like to resume being platonic friends. You have to be blunt and matter-of-fact. Either he’s on board and acts accordingly, or you might have just lost a friend.
3. Hi Dillon,
Love the pod/column. I can’t believe how many people have questions about getting +1s to weddings.
Here’s my situation. My boyfriend and I moved into a house three months ago. Things have been going pretty will except for the fact that he leaves clothes everywhere. We have a large walk in closet in the guest room and a second closet in our room. We also have two dressers. He leaves his clothes on the guest bed, kitchen table, the floor, bathroom floor, desk, and everywhere else. He also makes a damn mess in he kitchen and doesn’t see anything wrong with it.
It’s driving me up a wall. I’m anal and I make our bed every day, tidy up any messes, and put every stray piece of clothing away. He definitely thinks I seem high strung when I repeatedly ask him to put his shit away, but I wouldn’t have to ask if he just did it! I try to make a joke out of his mess so I don’t come across as insane. How do I get this 26 year old man to clean up? It’s driving me insane and I’m a firm believer in clear space, clear mind. Plz help.
If I see one more pair of boxers on the floor I might end it all
You are going to have a VERY difficult time breaking him of these habits. People tend to be hardwired with stuff like this. There are messy people and there are neat people. Very few times in the history of western civilization have people transformed from messy to neat. It can be done, but it will take a while, it will be difficult, your patience will be tested, and you will fight about it.
Step one is sitting his messy ass down and letting him know how exactly his habits are affecting you. Hopefully he cares enough about you to put a plan in motion to change. I understand why you’re choosing to joke about it, as to avoid the tough conversations, but those aren’t going to work. Good luck.
I appreciate what you do on the mic with both Mailbag and Touching base. You make my work-from-home analyst job much more enjoyable, so thank you for that.
I am writing to you today seeking some very critical advice. I am a 23-year-old average golfer who plays golf a few times a month and I enjoy playing with the boys, listening to music, drinking, etc. while on the course. Unfortunately, I have a good friend who has played my ball several times and I have called him out on it a few times, which he deliberately lies about it saying that it is his, when I am certain that it is not.
We have gotten into some arguments over it and it ruins the entire outing for both myself and my other friends out on the course. Should I start marking my balls and gas him up next time I suspect it or try to avoid further confrontation? Off the course, we go out, watch football, and “briefly” started a podcast together, but this issue pisses me off.
What’s the move here?
This is bizarre behavior. One time can be a mistake. Two times is reckless. “Several times” is deliberate and a major violation. Screw this kid, man.
Your move is to mark your balls, BUT do it very subtly. Maybe hide your marking somewhere in the logo. Maybe you fill in the Callaway “a” with red marker or something like that. This will allow you to catch him in a lie. The next time he pulls this shit, be like “Hey there, dickhead. Check the Callaway logo for me. Do you see red in that ‘a’? Shit’s mine, you lying sack of shit.”
Then find his ball and hit it 150 yards into the woods..
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