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The Mailbag, a podcast based on this series, is live. The questions that make the podcast will be a combination of emails (if you’d like to remain anonymous) and voicemails. The hotline number is above. All topics are on the table.
Episode 8, featuring T-Man, is below.
1. Hey Dillon!
I’ve got a question about Slack Etiquette at work. There’s currently a small handful of people that treat #general channel like their own personal facebook. We’re talking random vacation photos, articles that have absolutely nothing to do with our industry, things like that. This happens at least 2-3 times an hour. I don’t want to mute #general because I’ll miss stuff that’s actually really important. We have a #random channel but some people just don’t get the hint. So I come to you asking how should I approach this situation? Should I kindly message them directly? Ask IT to limit posting privileges? Passive aggressively downvote posts? Any other ideas? I just don’t want to come off as rude.
This is happening at least two to three times per hour? That’s absolutely insufferable. Keep that shit on Facebook, Karen. Slack is about business, a sanctuary from pics of your snotty kids on a weekend trip to Destin. Brutal.
This isn’t just an annoyance, either. Since these posts are mixed in with actual work-related messages, it’s going to cause people to miss important things in there. It’s also a serious distraction. For this reason, I think the move is to bring it up with a manager. Let him or her know the personal clutter is causing you to miss the stuff you actually need to see. Hopefully they’ll take action and shut that shit down.
So this guy I hooked up with is trying to get me to set him up with my roommate. I don’t like this guy but I still think it weird of him to ask, am I being dramatic? How should I handle this situation??
Based on this very limited information, it’s hard to make a judgement call. Did you two hook up three years ago, or was it last weekend? Was it a one-time thing, or have you been sleeping together for months? Was it back to a casual friendship right after it happened, or did you keep in regular touch?
I don’t know enough here, but, at its core, yeah it’s a little aggressive (assuming your hookup was recent).
“How should I handle this situation?”
You could tell him no.
3. Hey Dillon,
I’m writing in to pick your brain about money. I’ll set aside tact and modesty for a second to say that I work in software development and make really good money doing it.
The problem is, guys seem to be really uncomfortable when they realize that I do well for myself. I went out with one guy for a few weeks who seemed to really appreciate the times when I insisted on picking up the check. Then he caught a glimpse of my W2 (I had been doing taxes, not like I framed the thing) and suddenly he’s super defensive whenever I reach for the check and eventually ghosts me out of no where. Another dude assumed my parents paid for my nice downtown apartment and, once I set him straight, he disappeared too. I’m not just imagining this either- a guy told me to my face that he was uncomfortable dating a girl who made more than him. Why? It’s 2018, we all work now.
Is this a common sentiment among guys, that you wouldn’t want to date a girl who makes more than you? Or am I just picking out the rare ones who care about it?
It sounds like you’ve been dating guys who lack self-confidence. Either they make much, much less than you do or it’s a lack of general confidence. Or both.
I will say that dating a girl who makes a lot more than I do would be somewhat intimidating, and I consider myself to be very confident. I think it would be normal to feel that way considering the role in a relationship guys typically hope to have — being a provider and all that. It’s in our nature. It would take some really high confidence to date a girl making four times what you do, for example.
I’ll speak for myself here, and I hope this doesn’t come off the wrong way, but I’d love to date a girl who was stacking paper. Call it confidence or call it being attracted to badass women, but I’m into it. I’m telling you this because there are guys out there like me who won’t be intimidated.
4. Hey Dilly,
I usually enjoy your mailbag responses, because even if I may disagree with you, in my opinion your answers are always rational and genuine. However, when the “breadcrumbing” argument came up in last weeks edition, I couldn’t help but be perplexed at why you thought “breadcrumbing”, or basically continually leading someone on was better than “ghosting” in which you just ignore them permanently. I think both are bad and I don’t mean to split hairs, but I believe it’s wayyyy more maniacal and sociopathic to continue giving someone false hope just to stroke your own ego rather than ghosting them. Can you elaborate on your position?
Let’s put it to the people then. Which is worse, breadcrumbing or ghosting?
I see your point for sure, but ghosting just seems so cold to me. I’m not even going to give you the basic human decency of letting you know I’m no longer interested. Instead, I’m going silent on your ass and you get to put the pieces together yourself. It leaves people wondering what went wrong and no one to turn to for answers.
With breadcrumbing, at least you have their attention.
5. Hey Dillon,
Today I received an invitation to my high school 10-year reunion so now I’m debating whether or not to go.
I was a huge nerd in high school and didn’t have many friends. The few I did, I didn’t keep in touch with and don’t even believe will be attending. I looked through the list of people who have already RSVPed and only recognize ~20%. If they remember me, it’ll probably be that I was the quiet girl in the back with her nose in a book.
But like most people, I’ve changed since high school. I’ve grown into an outgoing confident person with multiple degrees and a great career. People are surprised when I confess to them that I was a loser in high school.
So long story short, do I prove to myself that I have grown and face the people I once shied away from due to my previous lack of self confidence? (I even skipped our senior year Vday dance because I was too timid to go.) If I don’t remember most of them any way, is there even a point?
Also, are we supposed to bring spouses? I’ve been getting conflicting opinions on that one. My (overly proud) mother is insisting I bring my husband to ‘show him off’.
Are High School Scaries a Thing?
PSA: Most high school reunions suck. Mine did. I went and hung out with my friends that I already hang out with. I don’t think anyone should feel obligated to go to theirs.
If you feel like flexing on people with your hot husband and great career and new look/confidence, I support you. Do it. Get out there and work that ass. Just know that you’ll almost certainly be disappointed in the actual event. They’re never as cool in reality as you expect them to be..
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I always need emails, too. The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to firstname.lastname@example.org and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.