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Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co or call the Mailbag hotline at (833) 345-5662 to leave a voicemail and be featured on The Mailbag podcast. All topics welcome.
The Mailbag, a podcast based on this series, is live. The questions that make the podcast will be a combination of emails (if you’d like to remain anonymous) and voicemails. The hotline number is above. All topics are on the table.
Episode 8, featuring T-Man, is below.
1. Hey Dillon!
I’ve got a question about Slack Etiquette at work. There’s currently a small handful of people that treat #general channel like their own personal facebook. We’re talking random vacation photos, articles that have absolutely nothing to do with our industry, things like that. This happens at least 2-3 times an hour. I don’t want to mute #general because I’ll miss stuff that’s actually really important. We have a #random channel but some people just don’t get the hint. So I come to you asking how should I approach this situation? Should I kindly message them directly? Ask IT to limit posting privileges? Passive aggressively downvote posts? Any other ideas? I just don’t want to come off as rude.
Thanks Dillon
This is happening at least two to three times per hour? That’s absolutely insufferable. Keep that shit on Facebook, Karen. Slack is about business, a sanctuary from pics of your snotty kids on a weekend trip to Destin. Brutal.
This isn’t just an annoyance, either. Since these posts are mixed in with actual work-related messages, it’s going to cause people to miss important things in there. It’s also a serious distraction. For this reason, I think the move is to bring it up with a manager. Let him or her know the personal clutter is causing you to miss the stuff you actually need to see. Hopefully they’ll take action and shut that shit down.
2. Hello,
So this guy I hooked up with is trying to get me to set him up with my roommate. I don’t like this guy but I still think it weird of him to ask, am I being dramatic? How should I handle this situation??
Based on this very limited information, it’s hard to make a judgement call. Did you two hook up three years ago, or was it last weekend? Was it a one-time thing, or have you been sleeping together for months? Was it back to a casual friendship right after it happened, or did you keep in regular touch?
I don’t know enough here, but, at its core, yeah it’s a little aggressive (assuming your hookup was recent).
“How should I handle this situation?”
You could tell him no.
3. Hey Dillon,
I’m writing in to pick your brain about money. I’ll set aside tact and modesty for a second to say that I work in software development and make really good money doing it.
The problem is, guys seem to be really uncomfortable when they realize that I do well for myself. I went out with one guy for a few weeks who seemed to really appreciate the times when I insisted on picking up the check. Then he caught a glimpse of my W2 (I had been doing taxes, not like I framed the thing) and suddenly he’s super defensive whenever I reach for the check and eventually ghosts me out of no where. Another dude assumed my parents paid for my nice downtown apartment and, once I set him straight, he disappeared too. I’m not just imagining this either- a guy told me to my face that he was uncomfortable dating a girl who made more than him. Why? It’s 2018, we all work now.
Is this a common sentiment among guys, that you wouldn’t want to date a girl who makes more than you? Or am I just picking out the rare ones who care about it?
It sounds like you’ve been dating guys who lack self-confidence. Either they make much, much less than you do or it’s a lack of general confidence. Or both.
I will say that dating a girl who makes a lot more than I do would be somewhat intimidating, and I consider myself to be very confident. I think it would be normal to feel that way considering the role in a relationship guys typically hope to have — being a provider and all that. It’s in our nature. It would take some really high confidence to date a girl making four times what you do, for example.
I’ll speak for myself here, and I hope this doesn’t come off the wrong way, but I’d love to date a girl who was stacking paper. Call it confidence or call it being attracted to badass women, but I’m into it. I’m telling you this because there are guys out there like me who won’t be intimidated.
4. Hey Dilly,
I usually enjoy your mailbag responses, because even if I may disagree with you, in my opinion your answers are always rational and genuine. However, when the “breadcrumbing” argument came up in last weeks edition, I couldn’t help but be perplexed at why you thought “breadcrumbing”, or basically continually leading someone on was better than “ghosting” in which you just ignore them permanently. I think both are bad and I don’t mean to split hairs, but I believe it’s wayyyy more maniacal and sociopathic to continue giving someone false hope just to stroke your own ego rather than ghosting them. Can you elaborate on your position?
Let’s put it to the people then. Which is worse, breadcrumbing or ghosting?
I see your point for sure, but ghosting just seems so cold to me. I’m not even going to give you the basic human decency of letting you know I’m no longer interested. Instead, I’m going silent on your ass and you get to put the pieces together yourself. It leaves people wondering what went wrong and no one to turn to for answers.
With breadcrumbing, at least you have their attention.
5. Hey Dillon,
Today I received an invitation to my high school 10-year reunion so now I’m debating whether or not to go.
I was a huge nerd in high school and didn’t have many friends. The few I did, I didn’t keep in touch with and don’t even believe will be attending. I looked through the list of people who have already RSVPed and only recognize ~20%. If they remember me, it’ll probably be that I was the quiet girl in the back with her nose in a book.
But like most people, I’ve changed since high school. I’ve grown into an outgoing confident person with multiple degrees and a great career. People are surprised when I confess to them that I was a loser in high school.
So long story short, do I prove to myself that I have grown and face the people I once shied away from due to my previous lack of self confidence? (I even skipped our senior year Vday dance because I was too timid to go.) If I don’t remember most of them any way, is there even a point?
Also, are we supposed to bring spouses? I’ve been getting conflicting opinions on that one. My (overly proud) mother is insisting I bring my husband to ‘show him off’.
Sincerely,
Are High School Scaries a Thing?
PSA: Most high school reunions suck. Mine did. I went and hung out with my friends that I already hang out with. I don’t think anyone should feel obligated to go to theirs.
If you feel like flexing on people with your hot husband and great career and new look/confidence, I support you. Do it. Get out there and work that ass. Just know that you’ll almost certainly be disappointed in the actual event. They’re never as cool in reality as you expect them to be..
Don’t forget: Call the Mailbag hotline at (833) 345-5662 to leave a voicemail and be featured on The Mailbag podcast. Also, please subscribe to Grandex Labs on iTunes.
I always need emails, too. The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.
Respond
Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
@dcheverere
@dcheverere
RogerJDorn
Clearly these guys don’t understand the benefits of being a trophy husband.
I would love to get swole and play Fortnite all day, when the Mrs. is out making fat stacks.
Well, when you have a face for radio and a voice for journalism, like, uh, some of us, you’re no “trophy” for anyone. Except maybe for Jigsaw…
With ghosting you can easily come to a rational conclusion that the person isn’t interested. With breadcrumbing it’s a lot easier to convince yourself you’re going crazy because “if they’re still talking to me they must be somewhat interested, right?” Breadcrumbing is way more cruel.
Serious question here: is it considered bread crumbing when the person is sort of that person who every once in a while you hook up with out of the blue?
I would say no because usually in those cases there aren’t feelings involved and there’s a pretty clear understanding that you’re just going to occasionally booty call each other.
To the girl making bank, you’re just running into guys with no self confidence. It’s incredibly attractive when a girl is a badass in her field and crushes it doing so.
I concur. @paperstackinggirl lmk if you need a stay-at-home trophy husband
I think Bread crumbing is easily worse than ghosting.
At least for ghosting, it’s a one time knife to the gut. With the bread crumbing, the person is repeatedly stabbing you, patching you up, then repeating.
That’s just downright mean.
Girl in SoftDev, don’t worry about it.
If the guy is reacting like that just because you make a decent sum of money, you definitely don’t want to proceed with the guy.
Congrats on making mucho guapo, it’s definitely a plus.
To the #GirlBoss, never be ashamed of how much you make. Dillon is right, it is going to take someone confident to be okay with that and even then its going to be really hard on them sometimes. Source, I’m on the other end of that equation and the knowledge that I will never make as much as my fiance is really hard sometimes as an independent person
High school reunion girl, stunt on them all. You kick ass, and going to the reunion will be super awkward sure but you’ll realize how much better off you are than 90% of those people. But if you decide to skip it, don’t worry you won’t be missing out on much
My wife makes more than me which is awesome and extremely attractive. Just don’t let yourself (man or woman) make the other person feel belittled. It’s tough on both ends but it’s all about communication and not letting resentment set in.
Co sign Coco. I’m in the same boat. It’s tough at first (as a man I always wanted to “bring home the bacon”) but with mutual respect and communication it’s not an issue
Having issue with someone that makes more money than you means you’re shit in bed.
Breadcrumbing is worse than ghosting one shot to the head or three to the chest they both suck but one is quicker and you can move on. Breadcrumbing may make you miss an opportunity with a potential date.
Also, for the income in a relationship- Totally agree with Dillon, it may be a tad intimidating but I think a girl out there getting that bread is awesome and I totally support it. Id be willing to bet that the majority of men agree.
The only downside of your girl making a lot more than you is if she still insists on YOU picking up the tab all. the. time. because “that’s what boys are supposed to do”. It didn’t matter much when we were in school because we were both broke, but this issue ruined a pretty good relationship post-grad because the girl made 2x as much as me, but INSISTED that I pay for every dinner and ever drink at a bar.
Wow that sounds awful. By the time you’re actually in a relationship you should be splitting or alternating, your’e not courting her anymore
This is 100% not true. I currently make more than my BF (he is in grad school). Because I work in a field that doesn’t make a lot (nonprofits), I expect us to split the bill unless it’s a birthday.
Agreed
Im banking on my gf making way more than me, “trophy husband” sounds tight af
Honestly, I’m more attracted to girls who do well for themselves. It shows they’re independent and have goals, which is tight. Besides, if things work out long term, that’s a more bougie honeymoon y’all get to go on.
Can confirm. Maui was tiiiiiiiiiight