======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co. All topics welcome.
Hey Dillon,
My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and it’s a solid relationship. We’re just getting to the point where our friends are getting engaged and with that obviously comes the bachelor/bachelorette parties. Here’s my question- am I annoying for being uncomfortable with him going to strip clubs during the bachelor parties? I haven’t said anything to him about it- I don’t want to be the “uncool” girlfriend, but the thought of him getting a lap dance from a basically naked girl makes me a little uneasy.
I wanted to get your thoughts on this seeing as you’ve been on your fair share of bachelor parties. We both trust each other no doubt- and it’s not like I would say he’s not allowed to go (that would be weird), so should I bring it up with him or just let it go?
You know what — you have every right to feel uneasy about a naked chick possibly grinding her parts and rubbing all over your boyfriend. Bachelor parties have always sort of been grounds for a strip club hall pass with the girlfriend or wife, but some weird shit can go on in those places. It’s reasonable for you to be uncomfortable about it.
I’ve always thought of strip clubs as novelties. Any time I’ve ever gone to one, it’s been with a group of people who aren’t going there to get their rocks off. We have always gone as a novelty, and usually it’s during a bachelor party. Like “oh look, we’re in a strip club. That’s so unlike us lol. This is new and different and we’re not creepy at all for being here.” With a group. Always with a group of people you know well.
It’s fine if you talk to him about it, and maybe it’s your opportunity to find out if he’s the novelty type or if he’s excited to be in there to get weird with strippers. There are lots of those types, too.
Dillon,
First of all love the name. As a fellow Dillyn myself I feel like you’ll be able to give me the best response.
Okay so the issue: kinda complicated but basically it all has to do with guys and sex. This is a three part process.
I’m a girl who’s had sex with a fair share of people but still have not been able to orgasm. I know you’re not a doctor or qualified in females but any advice on this?
Again, back to the frequent sex thing I’ve been told that I’m pretty good yet most guys don’t cum and then I get too exhausted. Usually we’re both drunk though so do you think this is the main issue?
Pretty much every guy I meet is a random hookup that leads nowhere but there’s been a few where I could see possibly perusing something but they always end up basically ghosting. What’s up with that?
(Honestly not trying to brag about sex but these are very pressing issues as I’m sure you know)
Huge fan we Dills gotta stick together
In all my days on this planet as a Dillon, I’ve never seen my name spelled your way. Wild stuff.
I’m not a doctor or even a female, but I can tell you that you’re not the only one who can’t orgasm during sex. It’s probably more common than you think, actually. I also know that some girls are more stimulated via penetration and some more so with clitoral action. Side note: I felt weird typing that sentence. Some experimenting is probably in order.
I’d venture a guess that your main issue here is that most of your sex is during “random hookups.” You don’t have time to get comfortable with anyone if you’re the one and done type. I’m hoping, for you, that once you find someone who’s worthy of dating for an extended period of time, you’ll become more comfortable with him and you two can communicate about sex and experiment and all that fun shit.
“I’ve been told that I’m pretty good yet most guys don’t cum and then I get too exhausted.”
This sentence has me really confused. Unless all your hookups are at the tail end of 10-hour alcohol and drug benders, I don’t understand how the guys aren’t getting off, either. Something isn’t right here.
P.S. Congrats on the sex, Dill.
Sup Dillon,
Hoping I can squeeze this last minute mailbag in. I’ve got a conundrum, so like any good millenial, I figure that only the internet can solve it. After my last long term relationship ended, I made the choice to stay single and out of the dating game for a while. Well, it’s been a while and I’ve never been happier. While I can honestly say that I love being single, I am in my mid to late 20s, so I feel like I’ve gotta get back out there at some point. I’ve been asked on plenty of dates (#humblebrag), but for some reason, I never go. The majority of guys who ask are attractive, and it’s not like I’m nervous; I just have zero interest. At first I thought it was normal to be selective, but after a few lectures from my friends about being, “too closed off,” or an “ice queen,” I feel like maybe there’s something wrong with me.
So what do I do? Do I wait for someone that genuinely interests me, or do I just get back out there for the sake of the game?
I think you just do what makes you happy. If that’s being single and not accepting any dates, so be it. Age doesn’t matter, either. You have your whole life to settle down with someone if and when the right opportunity comes along, or maybe it doesn’t happen at all. And that’s okay, too. Be selfish when it comes to your own happiness.
So I have been dating this guy for 5-6 months. We spoke very quickly about sleeping with other people and made it exclusive at around a month but after that we never really talked about what we were more. He mentioned jokingly we never had the girlfriend boyfriend talk but I’ve heard him referring to me as his girlfriend to his family and coworkers for a few months now and told him I have been doing the same. We both just assumed the position somewhere around New Years. So my question is, would it be petty to ask to pick a date for an anniversary? Should I wait it out longer to ask if you think it’s appropriate to ask?
No, I don’t think it’s petty to ask for an anniversary date. Go ahead and do it now. It’s been plenty long enough. When is the anniversary, though? First date? When you decide to become exclusive? Other? I guess it’s just whatever each couple decides based on how their relationship has developed.
Also, I’m of the opinion that “going exclusive” is basically the same thing as being boyfriend/girlfriend. You agree that you’re only seeing that one person, which is a commitment. Seems like splitting hairs to me and that the lack of title just leaves an out for one or both of you. Not that titles are necessarily important, but they do set certain expectations and parameters in relationships.
Dillon,
Long-time, second time. Here’s the deal. In about 6 months there’s an all-time act coming to my town that’s one of my favorites ever, and it’s his last tour (it’s Elton John). I’ve never gotten to see him, and I know there was an article a few months back on those it’s about going to see your idols in concert. Anyway, I’m writing you because there is a good chance I will have no one to go with. No one that I’m close to at all listens to Elton at all, and it’s a very expensive ticket, meaning I probably couldn’t convince any of my early 20’s friends without much disposable income and no interest in the performer to buy a ticket. Is it a total serial killer to just say fuck it and go by myself? I don’t know how fun that sounds anyway. Thanks man.
Do it. Will saw Kanye by himself last year and said he had a blast. I’ve never done it (I don’t really like going to concerts) but I wouldn’t hesitate if the situation was right. Small or large venue, I don’t think it matters. It might even allow you to take in the music a little better, since you don’t have to worry about anyone else.
It might be a little awkward if you ran into people you know, but if you’re confident about the solo move and you own it, you’ll handle that interaction well. “Fuck yes I’m here alone!”
On another note, you have to see my man EJ live. He’s one of my all-time favorites. Coming from a guy who doesn’t like concerts, I’ve seen Elton John in concert twice — once in Vegas and once in Austin. He puts on an amazing show and brings hit after hit with a lot of energy.
Hi, Dillon!
Quick q – my boyfriend of 6 months invited me to his brother’s wedding. I have yet to meet any of his family (we live across the country from them). What is the plus-one protocol for giving gifts? I’m unsure because these people have the potential to be in my life for a long time if it continues to go well for us, so I don’t want to skimp but I also don’t want to do too much.
Thanks for your thoughts!
This is classic couple gift scenario. You bring one gift, and it’s from both of you. They won’t be expecting you to bring your own, nor should you..
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.
Respond
Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
@dcheverere
@dcheverere
RogerJDorn
Absolutely go to the concert alone! You’ll still have a great time and more than likely, no one will even notice/care you’re there solo.
Cosign. Like Dillon eluded to, there is potential to find even more enjoyment solo. What would Rocket man do? Solo.
I agree! I went to a Chris Stapleton concert a few months ago with friends, but my seat wasnt close to them, so I was by myself for most of the concert and I still had the time of my life.
Agreed. A lot of times it’s better to go alone if you’re a huge fan than to go with someone who isn’t one.
When my friends and I go to concerts we typically end up drinking and getting split up until the encore anyway.
Went to an A’s game alone tonight. Prime move
Better to go alone than to go with the wrong person.
Amen. I pulled the trigger on solo tickets for both Foo Fighters and Jason Isbell concerts within the next month and I couldn’t be more thrilled.
Went to see Jason Isbell a few months ago… HIGHLY recommend.
Just went to a concert solo a couple of nights ago, and about halfway through ran into a couple of people I know. Just own it exactly how Dillon said and it’s fine. To me it shows you’re confident and comfortable on your own.
To the girl who can’t orgasm with a partner, you’ve gotta figure out what you like first. Learn your body and what you like — speed, pressure, etc. Once you know your body it’ll be much easier to tell the guy how to get you off. Once you know all that you have to be vocal about it with him, if what he’s doing isn’t working, tell him what to do instead. You’ll get there eventually, it takes time.
Fully agree. I lost my virginity fairly young and it was about 5 years later I had my first orgasm. I just always felt like I was missing something and this is the best advice I’ve ever gotten. No pressure, on your own time and in your own space, get yourself there. Toys, shower heads, whatever. Get good at it yourself and you’ll be able to guide the guy toward what you like. You deserve to have earth shattering sex, I promise it’s worth the personal investment. Also, I always have felt like relationship sex is way better than hook up sex. It helps me when I know the person I’m sleeping with actually cares about me and also knows what I like and don’t like as well as he knows the back of his hand.
I agree one hundred percent about relationship sex. It’s always better for me. You get to take the time to learn what gets each other off and how you work together, and you’re not too embarrassed to communicate about it. Plus when it’s someone I’m in a relationship with I’m not overthinking it and can just let myself go and enjoy it.
Completely agree with having to be comfortable and not embarassed to communicate about it! The more you can talk about it the better it gets.
Also, girl with vague anniversary date- we decided to just say the date we met because we’ve talked everyday since. Anything meaningful to you both could be used.
another big ol’ sup to you t-swizzle
Right back at you
Well, I heard friction works really well….furrrrrious, furrrrocious ffffrrrictionnn…mmmm, rawr lol
This comment will haunt my dreams.
Also recommend vibrators with a partner. Feels good for both.
So true, idk why so many men fear vibrators
Two simple reasons really. 1 – Inadequacy. 2 – Putting that thing where it doesn’t belong.
Just give it a try. You may learn something about yourself.
Am I the only one who thinks it’s a little weird none of the guys she’s been with are getting off? I’ve had my fair share of drunken hookup and that’s not something I’ve even heard of.
I noticed that too. If it was a one off thing, then you can chuck it up to alcohol or performance issues but for it to be a common outcome then something isn’t being done right which could also translate in to why she isn’t getting hers.
I don’t think it’s weird at all. The female orgasm is much harder to attain than the male orgasm.
I believe the original comment was about none of the guys finishing either, unless I read it wrong. My point was that it is odd that the guys routinely can’t finish, which could mean other issues are at play that could be negatively impacting her chances at the Big O.
Actually, men are just better at achieving orgasm. Science.
Agreed. Im going to try and give some advice from a dude (terrible idea. I’m 28 and I’m not even close to figuring out girls). Sounds like it’s more of a mental issue. I wouldn’t expect her to get off with some random hookup in which she has zero chemistry with (yet). It takes time to learn what your partner likes and doesn’t like
There’s a spot within 2 inches of your belly button that when you gently press makes you feel like you have to pee a little. That’s where you g-spot is. Cowgirl or reverse missionary will be easiest to hit this while allowing you to control depth and tempo. Also if you slightly lean your hips forward you’ll get clitoral stimuli as well.
Never in my life had a g spot O in cow girl.
Very possible. It only helps you hit it. Doesn’t automatically work.
Strip club girlfriend: have the chat with him but the large majority of guys are in the novelty club Dill Pickle referenced. If he’s not, you’d know because he’d be coming home covered in glitter every other weekend.
Fellow Dillyn: sup.
Concert guy: go for sure. I’ve been to shows alone and it’s a blast.
I’ve always said there’s no safer place for a pack of dudes than a strip club, because they aren’t bringing a stripper home 99/100. A bar or club, the hookup/one night stand is much more likely. But strippers see dudes mostly as just walking wallets (cue all the dudes who claim to have brought home a stripper)
Anyone claiming to have broughten a stripper home is either lying or needs to get checked for some pretty heavy STDs
Concerts and movies alone are top notch. You don’t have to worry about anyone having a good time but yourself. Plus you’re on your schedule. 11/10 would recommend.
@EltonJohn concert guy:
Go to the damn concert and have a great time.
-the guy who went alone to San Antonio for the National Championship game yesterday and is having a fucking ball.
There’s no reason to be uneasy about strip clubs unless your boyfriend is a creep who would bang a stripper. My husband went to one during his bachelor weekend and said he was so drunk he barely remembers the lap dance. I wouldn’t worry.
But I bet he remembers staring down into the abyss of a glittery, puckered butthole as he’s trying to fit rolled up dollar bills into it in order to feed its greedy hunger as it seductively whispers the secrets of the universe to him while also complains that it’s having trouble paying for student loans lol
Lol
Don’t be that girlfriend who doesn’t let her boyfriend go to strip clubs. If he’s going with a bachelor party, his friends will give him shit if he tries to back out going
If you read her submission you’d see that she already said she’s not doing that. She should however be able to have the conversation with her boyfriend. If you have to censor yourself with your significant other, what’s the point?
I agree, censoring your thoughts isn’t the right idea but I’m still not sure what the end solution is here. She brings it up to him and he says, “babe don’t worry about it we just go during the bachelor parties hammered to have a few laughs and toss some dollars around.” Is that just the end of it? Is she magically going to be not uneasy after that? I don’t know!
Honestly, yeah. maybe just a little reassurance is all she needs.
I feel like it’s one of those situations where, unless you’re incredibly naive, you know the bachelor parties will involve a strip club, and she probably just wants her BF to know that it’s something she thinks about so she would like some recognition that he understands how she may be feeling. I don’t think she’s being unreasonable at all.
I completely agree. Just for him to acknowledge her feelings and reassure her that it’s just for fun and a special occasion. Being honest and open about this will help from letting it build into something else.
Absolutely go see Elton John regardless of who goes with you. Got to see him play and, although I went with friends, I was singing and talking with strangers the whole time. Great atmosphere, great concert. Go.
Strip club girlfriend: have you ever been to a strip club? If not, I’d recommend at least checking it out. Dillon is spot on that they’re mostly for the novelty, and you’ll quickly be able to spot the few creeps that take it seriously. It’s not exactly ideal to think of someone else’s boobs in your boyfriend’s face, but it’s a bachelor party and it’s not like he’s gonna be there every weekend. Bring it up and tell him how you feel, but I can guarantee it’s almost certainly harmless.
Orgasm girl: I think sex is at least 75% mental. If you’re really turned on, you’re way more likely to get off. For me, this means a good deal of foreplay and just letting go and enjoying myself in the moment. Find whatever gets you going and run with that.
YES – go to a strip club yourself. I’ve been to one twice and had a great time just getting drunk with friends and watching the girls who are able to do all kinds of amazing acrobatics on the pole. Your boyfriend won’t even get a lap dance unless he or someone buys one for him. Maybe when you talk to him just let him know you’re ok with him going, but would be more comfortable if he just watched and declined any private dance offers. All the non-private lap dances I’ve seen though were generally really tame and didn’t involve much -if any- touching