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I didn’t think we’d ever get here, but here we find ourselves. I’m about to lecture the internet on the dangers and idiocy of the current “running people over with a golf cart to go viral on Instagram” trend.
You idiots. You goddamned idiots. I remember the good ol’ days of the internet where if you wanted easy attention online, you just did a Harlem Shake video or dumped a bucket of ice on your head or just reposted the damn “Leprechaun in Alabama” video on Facebook. But now, now we’ve gone plaid. People are running over other people with golf carts. I’m talkin’ full speed, all out, run ‘em over.
I don’t even know if you need to cover proper golf course decorum when you’re talking about general human decency. This is the dumbest internet trend I’ve ever seen…which is saying A LOT.
Call me the fun police. Call me a narc. Call me old and lame. Whatever. The long and the short of it is that golf carts are fucking dangerous. If I show up for a tee time one day and find out that cart privileges have been revoked because some idiot popped his buddy’s skull open after running him over with a gas-powered Club Car, I’m going to be none-too-pleased.
You got a friend who wants to try this stunt? That friend better want to die of blunt force trauma to from a golf club to the skull. You hit me with an 800-pound golf cart going 15-20 mph, you better damn well kill me. At the very least, you’re eating through a straw for the rest of your short, idiot life because you wanted your 15 seconds of fame on Instagram. Nothing says friendship quite like a compound fracture of the tibia.
So let’s just cool it with the hit and runs. I don’t understand it. Do people have some sort of secret deep down desire to run people over with their car? Hold on, let me answer that question. ABSOLUTELY. You know how often I fantasize about just running people down with my car? Every damn day. Why don’t I do it? Because I’m not a monster. Thinking about it doesn’t make me a monster. Except in today’s day in age, having the wrong thoughts can get you doxxed by a major cable news outlet. Anyhoo, I never actually want to hit anyone with my car. I’m not a psycho.
“But my bro just volunteered for it! Do it for the Vine!” Step in and talk to your boy. I don’t give a shit how many Ultras he cracked on the front nine. If you’re a willing participant in this, you’re just a flat out psycho idiot and I want nothing to do you. You don’t deserve to be anywhere near a golf course.
Finally, and don’t get pissy at me for being all preachy here, but let’s have a little more respect for the great game. Yeah, getting drunk and goofing around on the course is awesome, but the day I show up to a golf course that has scrapped golf carts because dudes couldn’t stop running each other over with them is the day I probably quit golf. What am I gonna do, walk the course like a commoner?
The day I quit golf is the day I can no longer pick up a club. Don’t ruin this for me..
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Brian McGannon
What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.
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Not sure how this will be received here but I absolutely despise people that don’t respect the game and the courses. Without getting into details, golf has had a huge impact in my life and who I am today and I think it’s a game that deserves respect. Don’t get me wrong, getting an afternoon round in with the guys when we’re focused more on drinks than our scores is great but never this kind of shit. Golf is about 7% physical ability and 93% mental and I think every mental challenge, and hopefully success, you have on a course can be translated and used in life.
Now that I have typed this and realized how serious and extreme it is for talking about a game, I’m gonna sit the next few out. Y’all have a great afternoon and if anyone in HTX ever wants to get a RESPECTFUL round of golf in, let me know.
I hope all you assholes just feel like you got yelled at by your grandpa.
I quit working at shoprite and now I make $35h – $80h…how? I’m working online! My work didn’t exactly make me happy so I decided to take a chance on something new…after 4 years it was so hard to quit my day job but now I couldn’t be happier. Click Here And Go WebSite
I’d toss out a “‘sup” but you said this morning you don’t want any more friends. However, all my current friends are assholes and I love and accept them for who they are if that makes a difference.
Name checks out
I mean, yeah I guess but there’ll be better opportunities on this site.
Only thing worse than running someone over with a cart is unstrapping their bag to hit the cart path.
I’m in, man. I live on Buffalo Bayou.
That could be anywhere from Montrose to Katy.
To you and Mr Rico, 19thholeguy@gmail.com. Let’s do it
Okay, Montrose.
It’s funny that this is posted on here when Grandex is basically keeping the trend going by tweeting or instagramming these shenanigans almost daily
content is a flat circle
Dorn last week – “I will post every single person getting run over by a golf cart video I receive.”
This should probably be reposted on TFM
@Dorn
Fortunately this trend caught on after school already let out because if I had had to deal with any college bros pulling this shit at my course I would’ve put the whole group in a bag
I didn’t know you golfed….
Why as a matter of fact I do
But what do you shoot?
Wholly agree. If somebody in my foursome runs me over and doesn’t kill me, they’re going to have an Ace Venturaesque ring imprint below their left eye for the rest of their life.
Not to mention the potential to break clubs, which are expensive if you actually call yourself a golfer. I already get mad enough with my poor play I don’t need more fuel for the fire.
I feel a spike of anxiety every time I see one of these videos. One part of me is thinking about how stupid and reckless it is. The other part of me is thinking about how much I miss being able to live life with reckless abandon like that.
Respect the grass and the course. You don’t have to respect others because people most likely suck anyway. If only we could transfer this trend to the parking lot and beyond. That will get the right people out of disrespecting the only game my body lets me play at the old age of 29
You are old Brian, no one vines anymore. I agree, it’s the stupidest thing I’ve seen. I can’t imagine these guys consider themselves actual golfers. Probably just getting on the course because it’s “frat” and “deals are made on the course”
If you get run over by a golf cart well, you need better friends….