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It’s the second most wonderful time of the year. Baseball season is back, second only to the return of football season, and it’s time to prepare for summer tailgates, getting blackout drunk, and soaking up the alcohol with overpriced ballpark food. A trend began last year where every major league ballpark was trying to outdo one another with over-the-top foodstuffs. It started with delicious, sensible sounding options like the Braves’ Burgerizza (pizza burger), TED (The Everything Dog), and Tater Tot Chop. There were the Rangers’ Wicked Pig (huge pig-meat sandwich), the Dbacks’ Cheeseburger Dog, the Jays’ Chicken and Waffles on a Stick, the Mets’ 108 Burger, the Royals’ Champions Alley Burger and Hot Dog, and so on. These were all cool options.
However, things are starting to get out of hand. Now there are absurd options. It also started last year, with selections including the Pirates’ Cracker Jack and Mac Dog, the Indians’ Slider Dog with Fruit Loops, and the Astros’ Sweet Potato Waffle Chicken Sandwich with Greek Yogurt. Now it’s expanding to the Tigers’ Coney Island Hot Dog Pizza and the Rangers’ Texas Snow Balls (brisket in funnel cake batter topped with powdered sugar). I’ll give you a minute to stop laughing at “snow balls,” pervs. The idea started out cool with enhanced burgers packed with different kinds of meat and loaded chili nacho dogs. Creative, inside-the-box twists on ballpark favorites. Now we’ve gone way off the reservation.
Some of these more exotic items sound like they were concoctions created by a pothead who had limited options in his pantry. Cracker Jacks with mac and cheese or Fruit Loops on a hot dog? Hot dog pizza? Brisket funnel cake? Who ruins brisket like that? Texas boasts the best brisket in the country and you’re telling me you’re going to ruin it in a funnel cake with powdered sugar? I’ll just take a giant brisket sandwich smothered in barbecue sauce, thank you very much.
This is just getting out of hand. These creative food options are cool and add a uniqueness to each city’s ballpark, but instead of trying too hard and piling whatever food item comes to mind on a bun composed of any carbohydrate known to man, please for the love of God try something that makes sense. There should be a chart of acceptable combinations to keep things within acceptable parameters. For example, it would show that acceptable toppings to hot dogs include ketchup, mustard, relish, sauerkraut, chili, cheese, mac, beef, maybe onions, chicken, tomato sauce, and slaw. I don’t think I could eat Cracker Jack hot dogs even if I was stoned out of my mind unless it was my only option.
I know the epidemically obese America seems like its citizens will eat literally anything, but the more out of the mainstream you get, the fewer people will buy into your “pile shit on a bun” cult. Take a step back and stick to the basics, there’s no need to ruin perfectly good brisket with fried dough or disgrace a pizza with hot dogs. Not everything goes together. You look like a try hard when you have a real opportunity to be a drunk junk food god (or goddess)..
Image via Rovell
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@5OClockShadow_
I’m too cheap to buy the expensive food at stadiums, but I’ll drink eight beers without thinking twice.
I’m a sausage and peppers kind of guy, through and through.
Couldn’t agree more. Give me a hot dog and cold beer. That’s all that’s really needed. Maybe some cracker jacks, ice cream, and water for the kids
I’ll stick to the classics – hot dog, beer, sunflower seeds.
And a can of grizz
Sorry, my cubicle salary can’t afford that fancy stuff. $12 beers and $10 dogs is my calling
Maybe instead of $1000 to $5000 a day for your special guests you should lower it to like $500. Keep a little extra cash in your pocket.
GTFO.
Fenway is introducing a lobster poutine this year though…
O’s stadium. Old Bay Crab Fries. Enough said. Well that, and it’s one of the only parks you can bring your own food and drinks into.
I came here just to mention those crab fries. They are a much have.
Those paired with an orange crush in the outfield bar. There’s no better welcoming of baseball season.
Do they still have the bacon on a stick? Gotta love Camden.
Hell yeah. AT&T park added a bunch of new places for this season but all I want is garlic fries and chicken tenders.
Agreed. Att garlic fries are king.
AT&T garlic fries are the goat garlic fries. And being able to order them from your seat is a game changer
No crazy crabz?
Nah, not worth it – $20 and it’s gone after four bites. For that same $20 I can get garlic fries, chicken tenders and 3/4 of a beer.
This. Can’t wait for Giants games to start specifically for these. I do usually go with the sourdough bowl clam chowder on night games though because, freezing fog.
Speaking of stadium food, I strongly suggest if in NOLA, go to a Pelican’s game. Insanely cheap and the food is unreal.
Any other good food suggestions for a group in NOLA? Working on a bachelor party there this year.
Willie’s chicken shack right on bourbon street. Best damn fried chicken I’ve ever had both drunk and sober. I’d do anything for that chicken again but honestly you can’t go wrong in NOLA. Hole in the wall places are the best. Everywhere has great food and fun drinks.
I remember going and eating gumbo and jambalaya in some little restaurant that you had to walk through a shit hole bar to get to. There was a homeless guy in the corner they kept trying to talk to us and the food was not memorable but the whole experience was awesome!