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I always dreamt of the day that some poor schmuck would get down on his knee (for a change, hi-oh), say a whole bunch of sappy shit, and ask me to marry him. It was the goal. The dream. The pathetic wish that was instilled in me since I was little, thanks to fairy tales and unrealistic romantic comedies.
So, when the day finally came, I reacted exactly how one would expect: I said, “are you fucking with me?” and then we proceeded to get college-level drunk. ‘Twas truly the stuff of a Nicholas Sparks novel.
And while there are a lot of cool things about being engaged (like the million and one parties you get to have and the fact that you’ll most likely get a new, bomb ass vacuum at one of said parties), there’s one part that is totally, completely, 1000 percently embarrassing: calling your significant other your “fiancé.”
Now, I’ve always hated the word. Before, when my friends who beat me in the race down the aisle would call their future husbands their fiancés, I thought they were just bragging. “Those bitches,” I’d mumbled under my breath at their rehearsal dinners before drowning my sorrows in a sea of Pinot Grigio. Now, however, I realize the truth: Even the people who are engaged feel like pretentious fucking assholes when they use the word “fiancé.”
If we go back in time (we probably would do something way cooler than discuss the origin of a fucking word, but alas, here we are) “fiance” comes from the mid 19th century. In French, it’s the past participle of “fiancer” which means “betroth,” in Old French “fiance” meant “a promise,” and in Latin, “fidere” means “to trust.”
So yeah. Duh. We all know what it means. You promise and trust that ~your betrothed~ is actually going to stay with you forever. But what most of us didn’t know going into the whole “happily ever after” thing, is that using that word really does make you feel like a fucking dick. We thought that once the magic ring got put on the finger, it was totally fine to use it. But it turns out, that’s not the case. Not at all.
I’m not sure if it’s the French-ness, the fact that it just seems like you’re flaunting your relationship status, or what, but the moment that word comes out of someone’s mouth, the whole room recoils. It’s like walking up to someone and saying, “Hi, hello, nice to meet you. Did you know? I’m getting MARRIED. To him. To THIS GUY. Right here. We’re going to be wed. Isn’t that exciting? Aren’t you excited for us? Oh, you’re single? Hhahahahahahha fuck you, we’re getting married, byeeee!”
That’s literally what using the word “fiancé” or (“fiancée” if we’re correctly using the feminine form of the word) actually says.
So, if you somehow manage to trick someone into spending the rest of his or her life with you, do the world a favor and don’t use the shudder-inducing f-word. Have no idea what else to call ’em? Allow me to help.
Alternatives to “fiancé:”
• Pregame husband/wife
• Appetizer
• Not-a-boyfriend, not-yet-a-husband
• Man/woman friend
• By his/her name?
I know it seems disappointing to wait your entire freaking life to find someone, and now you’re being told that you can’t call them the ONE word you’ve always wanted to use. But if you have any hope of getting that Roomba at your wedding, do everything you can not to piss your friends off between now and when you say “I do.”
Because, as it turns out, the worst thing you can do is remind them of their crippling loneliness everytime you introduce your SO to someone new. Don’t do it because I said so. Do it because the expected gift amount in this day and age is $100 per person, and if you hope to cash out, don’t say I didn’t warn you..
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Rachel Varina
if it doesn't have snack or seats, i'm not there. hate mail/Sunny references can be sent to itsrachelvarina@gmail.com
@rachelvarina
@rachelvarina
Hated this term as well, I would just introduce my fiancée as my ex-girlfriend
Triple O coming with the heaters
I don’t mind fiance but if you use the words hubby or wifey, you are dead to me.
I “accidentally” dropped my “hubby” coffee mug someone gave me for our wedding. Shit like that can’t be tolerated.
You did the right thing.
Isn’t it crazy that there is no real difference between a non-engaged couple and an engaged couple besides ~$5k spent on an inanimate object that somehow holds status in society. The blood diamond industry and the military industrial complex thanks you for your business lol
De Beers is de worst. Diamonds are neither expensive nor rare; however, by artificially cutting supply and waging clever marketing campaigns, the diamond industry has convinced us that we need to pay exorbitant prices for a piece of pressurized coal found in the ground, otherwise our marriage is illegitimate.
The term ‘pregame husband/wife’ just changed my life for the better
It definitely evokes an accurate image of my lifestyle.
Tell that to girl from TGDAF.
When talking with older colleagues (and especially partners and vendors) about life outside work, saying “fiancée” seems much more like I have my shit together and can be trusted with important shit than saying “girlfriend”, so it’s kinda a wash for me. I’m not at all agreeing with the accuracy of that, just saying that’s how it seems to go across with baby boomers.
Hate to be that guy, but if someone referred to their fiance by using one of your alternatives, I’d probably think wow that person is trying too hard
I always chuckle when people call their significant other their roommate
Capitalize the R so they know it’s real
Yes.
Completely agree with just calling them by their name. I have a buddy who always refers to his wife as “my wife” despite his entire friend group having gone to school with them and knowing her.