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We, as Millennials, face many hard hitting dilemmas each and every day. How many selfies is too many to post within a 24-hour period? If I don’t offer to help my coworker with his computer issues as the token young person in my office, does that make me look like an asshole? Do I spend my tax refund on something I actually want and don’t need, or put it into savings for a rainy day? You get the idea. The struggle is real.
Just as I’m sure marriage brings in a whole new plate of issues, singledom in 2016 also has its own rollercoaster of problems. One such issue has recently become the topic of conversation between the ladies in my life: the acceptable protocol of blowjobs on a first date. Because, as the Netflix series Love states, blow jobs are the new making out. Apparently.
But are guys really starting to expect this as a commonality? Are you a prude if you decide to stop at first base? What does it say about you if you offer to suck the d without asking for the favor in return? And is it any better or worse than jumping right into sex? The questions are endless.
My roommate has dished out the first date blowjob on couple occasions with a low return on investment. A second date never occurred in those instances and also didn’t result in any mouths visiting her downstairs mix up, which makes me wonder why one would offer up their talents in the first place. To each their own considering I am a BJ first date virgin, but if I like you enough to get your pants off, best believe I’ll be getting more out of if than the enjoyment of merely sucking your knob.
With the BJ becoming the norm, one has to question why. I’m not talking about the Tinder dates where you meet up just to get it on, but those where you actually intend to see your date on another evening. All of a sudden oral sex is the go to move causing the typical predecessors to seem childish. I must have missed the memo where we all got together and agreed we are too cool to kiss. Maybe I really just want to have a junior high style makeout session with you, okay? Not to mention the fact that the first kiss can make or break your chances of getting to that date number two. She’s definitely going to tell her friends about it and use it to make assumptions about your other between the sheets skills.
And speaking of the bedroom, sex on a first date can mean a lot of different things to people, so where do blowjobs land on the spectrum? Somewhere in the realm of I really want to do naughty things to you, but I swear I have a touch of good girl in me that your mom would approve of. Just enough of something to keep you interested without giving it all away. The equivalent of an appetizer, if you will. They’re tempting and enjoyable, but their purpose is to tide you over and distract you so you don’t get discouraged that the main course hasn’t arrived yet.
Ladies, I would never judge you for the actions you take on your first dates (yes, I’ve jumped straight to the good stuff too), but I’m not sure I’m ready to commit to substituting a blowjob for making out. At least not as a hard rule. And gentlemen, I’d honestly rather my lipstick come off on your lips than around your dick. Unless, of course, you’re returning the favor and planning on buying me breakfast in the morning..
Image via Shutterstock
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Whatever Lola Wants
Outward appearance of being a hot mess with just enough Type A personality to not be a complete disappointment to my parents. Almost as good at avoiding commitment as I am at holding my liquor.
@LauraMeinert
Where are these women? How do I find one?
Fairytale land
Fictional Netflix series.
Frankly, if you blow a guy on a first date and you don’t get a second date, you probably just give shitty blow jobs.
Can I take your roommate out to dinner sometime, please?
Now I’ve got this at-work semi and I’m not really sure what to do.
Let your flag fly
It’s the pleats…
via GIPHY
If she blows you before she kisses you, she’s probably a prostitute. I don’t think I’ve ever given or received without at least some kissing first. Making out is the perfect transition
It’s kind of the only transition. Also,
A girl goes straight in to give a beej = best date ever
A guy takes his tongue to tuna town = attempted rape / sexual harassment charges filed
Yeah trying to unbuckle a girl’s pants as an opening move is definitely going to feel rapey.
Shooters shoot?
I have a first date tomorrow night. Hopefully she shares your roommate’s thought process.
I think you mean “Thot” process
Having to look “Thot” up on urban dictionary. PGP.
Having Urban Dictionary blocked at work. PGP.
If you are IT, shouldn’t you be able to get around that/unblock yourself?
Float her a link to this column
I really should.
“Hey what do you think of this column? Asking for a friend.”
Subtle…I like it
PGPM.
I’ve been out of the dating game a long time but I would still wager that isn’t standard protocol. You and your friends are just trail blazers. And for that, the male population thanks you.
They’re blazing south down the happy trail.
Maybe I’m an old fashioned guy, but I don’t even make out on a first date. I might give that first kiss. but really if I’m looking for a relationship, I want to spend those first interactions getting to know her, and then build up over time.
Is that how you felt about Mom?
I legit got hinge dumped for this reason today – made out on the 1st and second date and she assumed I just wanted to hook up – chicks, man
I mean, some girls are baby gravy aficionados. Can’t be throwing shade for that. But If you girls keep supplying the demand, it’s gonna raise the market value for blowjobs and then crash when it stops being a highly valued commodity. All I’m saying is pick your spots and give it some sense of exclusivity and a niche with limited releases to keep people on their toes and wanting more. Kind of like the Yeezy shoe thing but with dicks and stuff.
Think you mean if they supply the demand it lowers the market value of the beej, which I am all for.
I’m not a geologist but for a small point in time it will raise the value in terms of frequency for us guys having to buy dinner and movies and flowers and shit like that in order to get the blowjob and then once we’ve gotten the blow jobs enough, it stops being valued so you’re right, the value goes down. But if they establish a good marketing campaign, they can use it against us in the name of exclusivity and limited supply and become like Kanye, Adidas, and Supreme
Aggressive and I like it.