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Does anyone use Facebook anymore? Sure, you throw up milestone statuses like graduations, new jobs, and moves to new cities, but that’s mostly just so your extended family knows you’re still alive and not addicted to drugs (at least not publicly). I don’t think I’ve commented on someone’s timeline since Kony 2012 was a real concern. So it seems all of the youths these days are consuming their social media on Instagram. But we also post some ridiculous things on there that I really don’t want to see anymore.
Ever since Vine went bankrupt and Snapchat messed up their stories, Instagram has really taken off. Personally, Instagram is taking up an average of 25% of my daily phone battery consumption, which means I use Instagram a lot. This is partially because I’m a meme god, and even though all of you are meme plebeians in comparison, I’d bet that Instagram is in your top three. And why shouldn’t it? Coverage of the Royal Wedding was great, highlights of the NBA Playoffs allow me to skip the games and catch the good parts, and competition between influencers and meme pages means news breaks on Insta with lightning fast speed. Plus, since your ma and pa stay on Facebook, we all feel more comfortable posting pictures of anything we want. While this concept has brought us “free the nipple” posts (team #FreeTheNipple), it also means all your peers from your past lives that you still follow will regularly post some questionable and cringe-worthy content.
No one ever really officially learns what to post. It’s kind of a trial and error throughout your life to see what people like and what people don’t, as you slowly become a normal person. Some people just don’t get the hint, though. Well into adulthood, they’ll keep on posting these things that make me what to rip my eyes out. So I thought I’d make a passive-aggressive list of posts I really shouldn’t be seeing on Instagram from my friends anymore.
Musical.ly is an app you can use to create videos of yourself lip-syncing to songs. It was probably Steve Jobs’ vision for his technology when he first got started in his California garage. Young children who idolize Woah Vicky and Lil Tay mostly use it, but sometimes full-grown adults will post them too. I’ve seen non-ironic musical.ly posts from an adult who was married to another adult, which is something that keeps me awake. I have no problem with kids who post these because they don’t know any better and they’re wildly entertaining. But if you’re old enough to get a mortgage, I shouldn’t be seeing this from you on my feed. Check out this musical.ly compilation and question everything.
Multi-Pic Text Posts
Black screen, and white text. Lots and lots of text. We’ve all seen these before. Whether it’s politics or subtweet-style emotional drama, some people just can’t help themselves from typing over pictures of darkness and just spewing their boring opinions onto a slideshow Instagram post. You might be saying, “spewing boring opinions, huh? Isn’t that what you’re doing with this article?” Well, first of all, shut up. Secondly, yes I am preaching my opinions, but you came here knowing that you’d see these opinion pieces, and you clicked on this article specifically to read it. I don’t log onto Instagram to read someone’s emotional rant about how “you really think you know someone but you don’t” or “no matter how much you give and give, some people just never give back.” I don’t want to see your rants cluttering up my feed. I want to see Shrek memes and swimsuit models. If you want to complain about something, call your mom. She probably is waiting for you to call anyway.
Only Group Pics
This one isn’t as bad as the others but I’ve noticed that some people only post group pictures of them with their friends at a bar. The same group of people with the classic “arms around each other smiling” pose. It doesn’t really bother me, but don’t you have hobbies or whatever? Show us what you do in your free time. Be confident in yourself, my guy! Post a pic of just you doing something that doesn’t have to do with drinking. Make sure a girl takes it. A girl should take it because they know the best angles/framing/lighting, and they’re not afraid to take more pictures if the first few are bad.
Only [Insert Literally Anything] Pics
You know what? That goes for anyone who only posts about one thing: nature shots, food, your baby, your dog, cocktails, fingernails, only golf, only fishing, only hunting, only brunch, etc. The list goes on forever. Sprinkle some other stuff in there. I know you’re doing more than one thing.
Photoshoot Deja Vu
So you went on a photoshoot. You got some outfits together, got a photographer, drove to a location, and took a whole mess of cute pics. I’m a fan! There’s nothing wrong with that. Post them all and I will scroll through them while subconsciously judging you. It’s completely fine to post multiple pics from the same shoot, just not over the span of a year or more. There’s one person I follow who did a shoot in 2016 that they still post pictures from. They just sprinkle them into their feed every couple months and it’s very weird. The posts go like this: photoshoot, Thanksgiving 2016, Christmas 2016, photoshoot, brunch, travel, photoshoot, coffee cup, skyline, photoshoot. You get it. This is weird! This is a weird thing. Just post them all at once.
Just for some balance and transparency, here are some posts I actually don’t mind.
Shirtless Pics – You put in the work at the gym and you want everyone to know. Also, maybe you didn’t have the time to throw a whole pool party or drive to the beach so you could get a body pic without seeming like a douche. I get it, bro. Get that shit brother. Anyone who hates is just jealous.
Female Thirst Traps – In the same vein, females sometimes will flex on other females and weak males by posting thirst traps, and then promptly ignoring all of your DMs. I don’t hate it for the same reason I don’t hate the shirtless pics. Obviously, they’re either insecure, trying to get laid, or both. But aren’t we all? I say let them do their thing. Trap on, my queens.
What kinds of posts do you hate to see on Instagram? .