When you date someone for an extended period of time, the inevitable “when are you getting engaged?” question comes up more often than I would like. I have a great thing going on, why ruin it?
Truth be told, for our tax bracket and our life situation, getting married makes financial sense. After nearly three years, a house and a Brady-Bunch-meets-Noah’s-Ark-style family of pets, popping the question has been on my mind for quite some time. We love each other, and the benefits of marriage such as tax breaks, home ownership and joint insurance policies would save us a ton of money.
But, as many of my other millennial brethren have found, between loans, the actual rings, trying to save up for a house or trying to travel while young seriously cuts into wedding funding. The average cost of weddings today is around $26,000. To me, this is an obscene amount of money to spend on something that has been bastardized heavily and quite honestly, if you do your wedding right, no one should remember it anyway.
After another successful wedding season including groomsman duty at a very posh destination wedding, I’m not sure I could ever ask my friends and family to shell out $1,000 to watch me walk down an aisle. It was enough spending $350 on a pair of pants, a vest and some shoes, as well as $500 for a room on an exclusive island for three days. Sure, it was breathtakingly beautiful but as many of my friends are in the beginning stages of making a life for themselves, I feel asking them to do that is selfish.
My groom friend tended to agree, as he had a huge family who helped them but ranted about the price tag to me and how he wishes he could use the money from the two credit cards he had to open on a house. After speaking with several fellow writers, some of whom have actually gone through with the courthouse style wedding, our very own Caroline Carr Gould mentioned the family assistance as “corporate sponsorship.” It makes sense: if they foot even the remotest part of the bill, you known damn well mommy and daddy or the in-laws will try to exert varying degrees of control. As one that likes to do my own thing, this doesn’t bode well and is another reason to take it to the courthouse.
I used to be a traditionalist. I always wanted the huge blowout party style of a wedding with all my fraternity brothers as groomsmen and a fine sorority girl, complete with a host of her “faves.” I’m sure there would be some stupid hashtag, an Instagram and a lavish destination; a banger for the ages and something everyone would remember.
After getting my monthly reality check (get it?) from higher education loans and Sallie May every month, blowing 20k on a wedding is not only financially irresponsible but also super stressful. Knowing this money could be spent on things that would actually better my situation, like paying a huge chunk of my mortgage or saving for a trip seems a lot better.
Recently, a good friend of mine and I were talking during a long business trip to our state’s capital. With five hours of travel, we had a lot of time to talk about life, ambitions, etc. I found out I was in grad school with her husband, so naturally, I asked how they met, where they married, etc. She and her husband used their wedding money to elope, go to Vegas and get married. She said it was the best thing ever, and they did it in December so they could put it on their taxes twice. I can neither confirm nor deny that this is true, but in theory, it sounds great.
After doing a lot of soul searching, I’ve often wondered: what’s the point? Is spending in excess of $20,000 for a wedding really worth it? It’s hard to justify spending that much with poverty (both mine and others), the amount of logistics and really, the entire process seems overdone and excessive. At the end of the day, going down to the courthouse or having a priest marry us results in the same endgame. We are both not religious so what’s the point? Even if money weren’t an option, the amount of stress plus the tiresome thoughts of having to book venues, get flowers and try cakes sounds awful. There’s no issue of the bride’s, or groomsman’s, or anyone’s feelings hurt. I’ll probably do something, but it sure as hell won’t be with a $4,000 photographer and all matching J. Crew $400 suits like the past two weddings I’ve been in.
Getting a courthouse marriage seems to be becoming more popular, especially among millennials. I’m not sure if people look down on this sort of thing because I stopped caring ages ago what people thought. While it may not be the traditional wedding, I fully plan on having a party that is more financially responsible, but with an unlimited open bar because I firmly believe if you make people take PTO, they should be compensated with free alcohol.
Hell, I’ve even considered catering my own wedding because my food game is off the chain and I won’t have to sit through hours of testing food. There will even be a band, because paying for someone to play their iPod seems shitty. Hopefully, it’ll be something like Lynyrd Skynyrd with an angel band, and I’m in the front row and you know damn well I’ll be hammered drunk, just like everyone else..
Image via Shutterstock
Counterpoint,
Every time I go to a courthouse it is like stepping into the McPoyle home.
Point-Counterpoint: Let me start off by saying, “Jane, you ignorant slut.”
Your writing always seems to be a realistic, well thought out, and finely tuned. A nice breath of fresh air, if you will.
Can the band play Shout
Wouldn’t have it any other way.
RSVP’ing now.
I’m in as well. Getting drunk and raging to shout is the only thing a wedding needs. Nuptials be damned.
Registering for wedding gifts is awesome until you realize that you could just buy all that crap yourself if went the courthouse route. And still might have a few extra buckaroos left over.
After spending $1,500 to be in a wedding for someone who I’ve barely spoken to since she walked down the aisle and after working for a judge and helping to facilitate so many amazing wedding ceremonies for people from all backgrounds and in all types of relationships, I started to come around to the idea of a courthouse wedding…every day i look at my facebook/IG i’m convinced even further that this is the way to go.
I like you too.
Best article I’ve ever read on PGP. Why spend $26,000 dollars you don’t fucking have on a one day event that most people don’t even fucking like attending anyway when you could do LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE?!
I like you.
I like you as well
I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes from a contemporary luminary, “My mom used to say to me ‘You can’t have fun all the time!’ And I used to say ‘Why not?’Why the fuck can’t I have fun all the time?” - Kate Moss
Your wedding should be no exception. I went to go see Wu Tang mere hours after mine. You do you. It’s the most important day of YOUR lives. And we wanted to spend ours with RZA.
This came out awesome. And it sounds like you got the vital mindset, “I’m not sure if people look down on this sort of thing because I stopped caring ages ago what people thought. ” Which is awesome all around, and not just in wedding planning.
PS. Brady Bunch style… do you have a Greg and Marcia thing going on with the intended Mrs. Madoff? Or is that in reference to the pit bulls only? #notjudgingofcourse
I have 2 birds (male female) she had two cats (same thing) we adopted two pits (same again). Rather have animals than kids. As always, thanks for the kind words!
That’s a weird situation…I like it.
They could call you Ace Ventura if you weren’t single.
Working world wedding rule #1: “If you make people take PTO, they should be compensated with free alcohol.” No exceptions.
Call me a simpleton but can someone explain the married in Dec. and writing it off twice on taxes deal?
I’ll ask my friend on Monday and get back to you. As per a quick Google search https://turbotax.intuit.com/tax-tools/tax-tips/Family/Getting-Married/INF12006.html sounds pretty sweet to me
It’s not writing it off. I’m simplifying a bit here, but envision 3 tax brackets — filing singly you’d have up to 50k at 0%; 50k up to 100k at 10%; and 100k on up at 20%. Married filing jointly (to a certain extent) alters the tiers, e.g., now it’s up to 100k at 0%, 100k up to 200k at 10%, and so on.
If you made 150k and your spouse made 35k, filing singly your spouse pays $0 in taxes and you pay 5k (50k @ 10%) + 10k (50k @ 20%) = 15k. Married filing jointly, your joint income is 185k, but you have different brackets, the first 100k is at 0% and the 85k is at 10%, for a total of 8.5k. The december thing just means that you can file married filing jointly (rather than singly) for the last year, no different that if you go married in July or August of that year. The point there was if you have a “fuck it let’s get married” moment in December, you should knock it out before the new year and save yourself some cash. If you both have similar paychecks, it’s a toss.
If you both make a lot, it’s better to actually “tie the knot” with a lawyer — legally binding contract but not married according to the state, then you’ll pay less tax; however, you could get boned if you have to sell a house that increases drastically in value.
Will you do my taxes?
I let my dad do most of mine actually, he’s retired and enjoys going full wizard with itemized deductions. Spends far more time on them than I would. Couple very interesting things you can do with vehicles if you’re self employed/have a small business.
Papa Madoff- I had a thought. As the newly elected Vice President of your townhouse community, are you imbued with the power to perform marriages within your jurisdiction? You could perform your own ceremony and even skip the courthouse. That would be dope.
I’ve thought about being Church of Life certified and doing some ‘hood ceremonies.