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Yesterday, I rolled up to a bar in an attempt to get nice and hydrated before my rec volleyball game. It was a new spot, one of those trendy, almost-hipster “brew houses” with something like 40 beers on tap, and I was immediately impressed upon walking in the door. I caught the bartender’s eye, and in a clear, authoritative voice, ordered my go-to – a Coors Light. I know it’s not the best beer out there, but it’s effective. It get’s the job (getting me buzzed enough to think I’m good at volleyball) done without filling me up too much. It’s not flashy, but its fundamentals are rock solid. And yet, when the bartender heard my order, she all but sneered at me. Gesturing to the endless taps behind her, she spoke with condescension dripping from her words. “Are you sure you don’t want to try something else?”
I wish I could say this was an isolated incident, but it’s not, and it’s time for me to speak up for myself and for all others like me. I’m tired of being beer shamed. Yes, I drink cheap, watery, blue-collar beers, and I’m not ashamed at all. Hell, if Keystone were offered at more bars, I’d drink that. If a domestic macro-brew is good enough for the farmhands and construction workers of this great nation, then by god, it’s good enough for me. I don’t need a fancy triple-IPA that tastes like a crack-whore’s whore crack. I don’t need a cider that carries hints of every fruit under the sun, all bound together into a flavor storm that is both refreshing and exciting. Give me an ice cold Coors and I’m a happy man.
The only thing that makes me unhappy is the stigma that seems to come with my order. Why can’t I enjoy something simple without people judging me for being a simpleton? I knew that this bar offered a myriad of different ales, lagers, and stouts from small craft breweries throughout the world, and I appreciate that. I think it’s awesome to try new things, and I respect the commitment this establishment had to providing its patrons with a ton of options. However, at that moment in my life, I didn’t need any of those options. I needed a dark bottle with bright blue mountains on the label, and what I got was attitude (along with that bottle). It’s the same attitude I’ve gotten from people at parties when I roll in with an 18-pack of Millers or from friends when I arrive at the pregame with a three-pack of PBR tallboys. I receive condescending looks, snide remarks, and people asking me “when I’m going to grow up.”
To answer their question, I am grown up. I’m grown up enough to know what I like and what I don’t like, and not be swayed by peer pressure to drink beer I don’t enjoy just to appease the masses. I don’t enjoy most IPAs. Will I try a new one occasionally? Of course, because I believe in trying everything at least once, and I like variety in my life. But I’m not going to bring a sixer of expensive beer I don’t enjoy to party just because that’s “what grown-ups do.” I don’t judge people for enjoying a Michael Bay film over an Oscar winner, nor do I make fun of those who enjoy Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” over Beethoven’s 5th Symphony. There’s no shame in enjoying the simpler things in life, and no one should have the right to shame anyone for it.
Today, I’m standing up for all my fellow cheap beer drinkers. Raise your Bud Heavy, your Natty Daddy, or your Silver Bullet, and be ashamed no longer. Next time someone makes fun of you for drinking a can of “water-beer,” let him or her know that when they’re head-bobbing at the bar because those 11% ABV craft brews got them lost in the sauce, you’ll just be gearing up into party mode. Be proud of the fact that you’re ordering beers that won’t break the bank, and that you can drink all night and not end up asleep on the bar by 11 p.m. Cheers to drinking one million Miller Lites this coming weekend – and every weekend after that. .
Respond
Nick Arcadia
The opposite of a life coach. Email or DM me if you want some bad advice: nickarcadiapgp@gmail.com
@noampao
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People who boast about their “beer pallete” are the biggest douchedicks.
people who boast in anyway about their palate are douche’s.
and its palate not pallete
Dang, I knew something was off
its Monday, don’t worry about it
I got shit for ordering a pitcher of Yuengling at Mellow Mushroom by the waitress. Through her septum piercing and tattoos that looked like colored pencil art, I am positive I heard a faint “Glad I’m not drinking with you guys” and “D-bags” as she walked away.
If you ain’t down with America’s Oldest Brewery, I got two words for ya.
Cherish that liquid gold. If you live west of the Mississippi a bottle of Yuengling might as well be the blood diamond
Went to a place with 200+ beers on tap and I ordered a yuengling. The bartender looked at me like I had 5 heads but yuengling is the best
Went to college in Yuengling country, now I’m out of area. Will choose it over almost anything else when it’s available.
crack whores whore crack sounds more like a dark stout
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now there is an idea
Yes, it is an idea.
Get a mich ultra instead @Duda
Mich ultra is the mopeds of beer. It is the only “beer” that one should be shamed for drinking.
You mustn’t be an athlete
I’d rather drink a Bud heavy and do squats in the bar than drink Mich ultra.
This is an incredibly bad take. #SponsorDuda
As much as I love craft beers, I usually order Miller Lites or Coors when I’m out. Life’s too short to break the bank buying beer or being snobby on the weekend.
You need more accepting friends. No better feeling then the praise I get from the squad, when i bring a surprise ice cold suitcase full of silver bullets for us to share.
thank you for giving me a new way to describe a case of cold ones. Bout to use that a lot
Loved the article. I could rant all day about smugness in relation to beer preferences. I’ve nearly went exclusive to the Ultra life, but Busch Light still stays stocked at my residence. Zero shame. I’ve asked countless times for a BL draft, and it will undoubtedly get you one of two responses. The first, and most common, is like what you encountered. But the second is more of a welcoming, endearing smile. Busch Light people are the best people
Have you tried not caring what people think?
I stand with Nick. #summerofcoors2017