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Cards on the table, I’m new to the dating and relationship world. That’s not because some girl crushed me, leaving me with little self-confidence but rather because I never wanted to be someone’s better half. Before now, as a recent graduate, I never felt the need to have someone to talk with constantly or spend my Saturday nights with. Does that make me a lone wolf? I can’t call it. What I do know is that so far, I’ve spent my time working on me to ensure that I’m a complete person alone before entering a committed relationship. Well, that’s at least what I told my parents when they asked why I still didn’t have a date for Christmas dinner. Truth is, previously all I needed was some buddies and a bottle of Jack Daniels and I was content.
Here’s the problem bestowed upon me. All of my friends are moving on, leaving shenanigan-filled nights behind them for nights and weekends with their significant other. Realizing that perhaps it was time for me too to enter the relationship world, I thought what better place to find someone than the Internet, because that’s how the world works in 2016. After exhausting Tinder with no luck, I figured I would give Bumble a try.
Now for an app with so much hype, the quality of talent is mind blowing. As an average looking dude, not in the best shape of my life, I knew that the only way to land a woman would be to overachieve. Hell, I’ve been over achieving since I got out of the womb. Walk and talk before my peers? You bet. Get into a decent university with grades so close to the cutoff, decimal points determined my admission? Once again another check in the win column. My life is just a playlist of over achievement.
Like everything before in my life, I was seemingly overachieving on Bumble too. A couple cute matches a day slowly boosted my confidence to new found levels. Now here’s the problem. If you are unfamiliar with Bumble, people match based on appearance like Tinder, with the catch being that the girl has to message you first. That’s the problem. 24 hours rolled by with every girl and no message. Did they accidentally swipe right, securing our match, and just waited out the time until we unmatched? More than likely, but you can’t tell me that every girl I matched with wasn’t at least a little interested in what I brought to the table. Sure, I got the occasional “Hello, how are you?” But that didn’t cut it for me. I was looking for the home run swing like I had been using for years on Tinder.
Maybe it’s a difference between girls and guys, I don’t know. Psychologically, maybe from the time of birth until the day we meet our last girlfriend, it is just a steady stream of rejection. Girls don’t have that problem. If they want to go home with a boy, they will. Maybe not the one they originally wanted, but hey, the scoreboard doesn’t have faces right? What it boils down to is being able to put yourself out there. What I do know is that if you’re going to match with a guy on Bumble, who cares if you strike out, at least take a swing and shoot him a message. Worst case, we don’t respond and you just bounce back with a different guy. Maybe Bumble isn’t for me, but maybe neither is the relationship life. All I do know is that as my friends move on with their relationships, you can find me at the local bar, Jack and Coke in hand, asking any girl that will listen if they wanna go halves on a baby. .
Image via Shutterstock
Respond
Comprehensive list of pickup lines every girl uses on Bumble:
“Hi”
“Hey”
“Hi, how are you”
“How’s your day”
That’s because girl’s aren’t funny and Bumble is now proving it to be fact.
Lol I think the problem is that you and many of your peers don’t like or respect women and you’ll forever be a drunk right swipe but not worth any real effort.
Nope I can confirm. Despite what you think, your gender isn’t very funny.
Starts comment with “LOL”. Someone call Aziz cuz he’s got a new tour opener.
Its funny that you found that funny.
You left out
“Hello”
and
“Hello!”
and even
“Hello! How are you?”
“Heyyy”
Ugh I left out the additional letters as an option. Good call Todd, although you do have the advantage of being with a girl who doesn’t know most words only end without the same letter 82 times
Don’t Hey! or Good Morning! or Good Afternoon! or Hey Han Solo or any emoji
Put something interesting in your profile for them to have a reason to say something other than “Hi.” Life is a two way street, son.
Thank you for saying that! It amazes me how many guys have nothing in their profile.
Are you kidding? Like 90% of girls profiles are blank or have their stupid instagram handle with the pizza emoji.
But if the onus is on the girls to message first shouldn’t guys have the incentive to have profiles filled out to give the girls something to work with?
Also, I don’t really know what most girls profiles are like, but my female friends and I do not have an Instagram or any emojis in our;s.
So you need a list of talking points provided for you by the guy to get him to engage in the conversation then? Why not just let the guy start the conversation if that’s the case.
I didnt know women needed pickup lines to get dudes…i thought a smile and a thumbs up or a wink was good enough to work on me, though maybe i’m just a basic bro.
This is why they don’t learn to be funny
I love Bumble because the tables have turned and prove how weak every girl’s pick up game truly is.
Their game sucks because they’ve never had to really try since guys are the ones who initiate. The same could be said for very good looking men though, if they were to one day gain 300 lbs they’d realize that their jokes aren’t really that funny and then they’d actually have to try to have game.
The kind of people that respond to “good game” and pick up lines that are overwrought are the type of people I never want to find myself on a date with.
Girl One: “Like, oh my God, I hate pick up lines. So laaaaame.”
Girl Two: “I know guys say, like, the dumbest shit.”
Girl One: “Oh mama just got a bumble match! What should I say to him?”
Girl Two: “Like, I have no idea…dating is haaaaard. How do you talk to guys?”
How the tables have turned
Sounds like a conversation from a TGDAG prequel, before she met Todd. Make it happen, deFries.
Did I write this when I was blacked out? I have no recollection of submitting this column.
Couldn’t have been me, I’m usually having a g&t
I’m a girl on Bumble. When I first got Bumble, I actually messaged all of my matches. I wrote tailored messages tailored to something in their profile or if the profile was blank, I’d try to say something either than hi. But, I got almost no responses. When I asked my guy friends why, they said they mostly swipe right to every girl and then decide who to respond to. So, now I only message if a guy extends the line. If guys didn’t swipe right on every girl, maybe girls would message more.
So it’s a guy’s fault women are too nervous to reach out?
What I’m saying is that even if you match, the likelihood the guy is actually interested is still low because they swipe right on everyone. That’s why I wait until a guy extends the line because that means he’s actually interested.
Another thing is that the majority of guy’s profiles are empty. So, there’s really not a lot of info to write a message off of.
I definitely blindly right swipe, but I can only extend once every 24 hours (if I even remember) and its completely plausible I will match more than one girl I want to talk to in 24 hours.
You’re definitely limiting your options by sticking to that criteria.
Also, you described what Tinder is like for every dude ever. Rough life huh?
Yeah I definitely realize it’s limiting and I get your point. I think what I’m trying to say is when a guy gets a match whether it be on Tinder, Hinge, or Bumble it’s highly likely that the girl is interested. When a girl gets a match on Bumble, it doesn’t necessarily mean the guy is interested. So, it creates a strange dynamic. I was just trying to point out that a lot of reason girls don’t reach out is because the likelihood the guy is actually interested is fairly low because of the methodology guys use to swipe.
For what it’s worth, I actually reach out to guys a fair amount on all of the apps I use and have my profile filled out (no Marilyn Monroe quotes just a Chappelle’s Show quote). I just think for whatever reason guy’s profiles on Bumbles tend to be blank more often than on Hinge or Tinder.
When was it an option for the guy to reach out on Bumble?
A slight flaw in this argument. I have (once upon a time) crafted the perfect opening message. Even incorporating something they said in their profile description (to prove I can A. Read and B. May even be the slightest bit clever) only to hear crickets. However when I throw out a “Hi!” nine times out of ten I’m getting a response. Why go the extra mile when I can earn a drink date just using three characters? However, I will try to put in more effort to actually send a message in the first place. Duly noted.
Yea I agree with saying more to make a good impression. Sure you can probably get drinks still, but the higher quality matches would be less inclined.
It’s like writing a shit personal essay for your college apps because “somebody will let me in.”
I have never thought to myself, “Well, she is pretty hot, but her opening line was too out there, I better not respond back.” I think most guys would attest to that as well. Being creative can only help you.
Trust me, it is appreciated and noticed, even if the results are probably going to be the same either way.
Saying “hi” is easy for us to respond to, but its not very impressive I guess for a lack of a better word. Keep trying the clever openings, if a guy gets it, you’ve got yourself a winner.
Haven’t you heard? Or seen the previous column? Chicks dig a meathead…and it doesn’t sound like you are one.
In for stock photo girl.
If you’re ever in Cincinnati I’ll swipe right and say something more than “Heyyyy”
I have it set in my mind that girls on bumble are only trying to get Instagram followers.