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Are you a nice person? Because I tell myself I’m a nice person all the time but you could absolutely make an argument that I’m not. I’m selfish and in a bind or any situation where I’m even slightly uncomfortable I’m looking out for numero uno over anyone who isn’t a blood relative.
In the past, I’ve viewed the outside world as nothing more than a bunch of assholes out to get me. I’m a cynic. Sarcasm, an ironic sense of detachment, and an A- in Psych 101 my freshman year of college made me think that I can say and do what I want without repercussion or judgement. I only realized that I couldn’t go through life acting like this after a girl I used to speak to quite frequently just ceased all communication with me. A few weeks ago on a trip out of town a guy I had never met came up to me at a party and asked me where I was from. It just so happened that the two of us grew up about two miles away from each other, and when he said, “Wow. Crazy. We’re basically cousins” I responded (with a smile on my face) by saying, “Ehhhh. No. Not at all, actually.”
Now, if you were a passerby in this conversation you’d say, “Wow, you’re kind an asshole, John. Not a great way to respond.” But I followed that up “I’m only joking. Good to meet you.” And that was the end of the conversation. I didn’t mean for it come off as malicious in any way. I was doing something which I genuinely found to be humorous but is in fact, not humorous to others. I’m working on that. Seriously. I’m making a concerted effort to just be nicer to people because I’m slowly learning that I’m rubbing others the wrong way by refusing to slap a filter on. And I found out as the sun was still rising this morning that I’m doing better.
I may have been changing the song on my iPhone this morning when I rear-ended a red Mercedes-Benz SUV just past a stoplight. It all happened so fast. The two-lane road which takes me onto the highway every morning was particularly busy today. We were bumper-to-bumper, and I estimate that I was going less than two miles per hour when I hit the back of this SUV.
I barely tapped the thing. She knew it. I knew it. Anyone who was paying attention in a different car could surmise that there was no damage. And as the woman driving her Benz put her blinker on to pull from the left to the right lane and eventually to the side of the road the only thing that crossed my mind as I mirrored her movements was this – “What if I just got on the highway right now?”
Someone undoubtedly saw me rear-end this woman. And other than the penalties for hit and run in Texas (assuming someone did see me and get my plates) the worst thing that could have happened is that this woman in her Mercedes would have realized what I had done and muttered “what an asshole” under her breath. But at 7:20 in the morning on the worst day of the week I decided to not be the asshole. I got out of my car, apologized profusely, and was back on the road in less than three minutes. I’m not to the point where I won’t call someone a pseudo-intellectual if they tell me they think The Simpsons or South Park is the smartest show on television, but I’m getting there. I still think most people I meet are corny dickheads and that I’m the smartest person in any room I walk into, but I’m hoping I can change at least a little bit. It’s good to have confidence when you walk into a room with people you don’t know but I could probably stand to keep some thoughts to myself from now on. This morning was a small step towards being a more balanced human being. I’ve still got some work to do, though. .
Image via Youtube
Respond
jduda@grandex.co
Congrats Johnny on not breaking the law by leaving the scene of an accident. Proud of you.
I’m honestly surprised that Grandex let this shitty piece get published. I guess site traffic beats all else.
They’re in a tough position. They bring on their part-time writers who bring good content (DeFries, Duda) who were pushing out (at most) a few (one or two) articles a week. All pretty high quality. Move em down to Austin, start doing it full time.
I’m making assumptions, but judging by the rate of these articles that are coming out they’re getting paid for articles, and likely clicks, comments. (Just guessing)
When that happens, you end up getting multiple articles a day, that are just essentially time-wasters. Duda posted this, and some article about expired waffles in a 5 minute span. You end up with more content, but it’s forced content about everyday life, reddit articles, and Jon Benet Ramsey documentaries.
It’s tough not to sound like a hater, it’s a tough position to be in. But I guess that’s what’s happening here.
Or maybe it’s just Duda. More often than not, deFries’ stuff is good and TGDAG is a diamond in the rough of the internet.
Duda’s Chase pieces were good because they let most of the sex-less PGP fan base live vicariously through his sexcapades, real or not. Most of the other stuff that he writes leaves a lot to be desired and it’s much more prominent now that the Chase pieces have stopped.
Will’s writing is both an embracement and satire of modern consumer culture. His fascination with Yeezy’s, soft shitty body, weekly existential crises and perfect emulation of the spoiled rich girls makes his whole existence a commentary on life in your 20’s.
Honestly, I feel bad for 90% of the people who comment on your articles on a daily basis. Can you imagine going to work everyday, checking PGP to see if John wrote anything, immediately commenting the shittiest thing you can think up about a 24 year old kid whose job it is to entertain you, then sitting there refreshing your profile page every 3 seconds to see how many people up-vote you? Is this a fun and cool thing to brag about to other degenerate 20-somethings? “Man check this out, my PGP comment got 100 likes today I totally crushed it”
If you write an article of this caliber, you are expecting to get roasted. Its about hitting another vehicle and why pulling over instead of fleeing the scene makes him a better person for crying out loud.
Some people would call it a bit or shtick.
Your brother’s a selfish asshole.
The dude still gets more love than JayTas or Kendra despite being an asshat. Ya’ll got a persecution complex.
Man Decides To Not Commit Hit and Run, Writes A Fucking Article About It
Expects Praise
I took a shit in the toilet this morning so that I wouldn’t shit my pants. Looks like we’re on the come up Duda. Just gotta believe and whatnot
Getting out of the car when you hit someone doesn’t make you a better person. It just shows you’re competent by not wanting to get charged with hit and run.
Disagree. I could have just as easily stayed in my seat and waved her over.
I don’t think I would like you.
Fuck you Duda
You know what? Fuck my Cole Haans. Next time I’m in Austin I’m hitting you up so I can stomp your ass out in public.
Where would you have gone? It was bumper to bumper traffic.
Ran and left that dumpster fire of an Impala where it sat.
You really are an asshole, whether or not you’re trying really hard to not be.
.
I can’t see whatever is above me. PGP.
On a somewhat related note: my girlfriend also rear ended a vehicle at low speed with very minimal damage. They exchanged information but the lady she hit wanted to drive to the hospital JUST to make sure she was ok. This lady was a fucking nurse. I wish I was making this up.
What a Fucking piece of shit
Wow, I hope you’re awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom for your sacrifice.
Where is the chase? It’s what we all want, it’s what we all deserve, except ATLguy
Saw this and immediately thought, no one would write this other then Duda.
Ever wonder why preteens and teenagers, especially dudes, bag on each other and constantly call each other out even for stuff that’s ultimately not a big deal?
So none of them end up like Duda. Your childhood friends failed.