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Relationships have steps. The natural order of a maturing begins with the defining of a relationship — the point where you determine, “Alright, we’re exclusive.” Once the dust settles, you progress into discussions about moving in with one another. Before you know it, you adopt a dog to prove you can handle the beginnings of a family. Shortly thereafter, you’re sending out Save The Dates after your engagement. And then boom, you’re married and your life is over.
But there’s a major life event that falls by the wayside through all this. Something that solidifies you as a couple. It’s a major leap that bonds you to each other’s core.
It’s farting in front of one another.
I learned at an early age through the children’s book “Everyone Poops” that farting is an unavoidable, natural occurrence. It’s something you have to accept is all around you, especially when you’re living in close quarters with someone. But when you’re in the beginning stages of a relationship, there’s always the uncomfortable thought of, “When is it okay to openly fart in front of my significant other without fear of them being utterly disgusted by me to the point of no return?” Luckily, Mic did a study on the ins and outs of farting in front of your life partner. And the results? They’re encouraging.
It takes about two to six months for most people to feel comfortable farting in front of their significant other.
The most popular time to end the fart-free fantasy is before your six-month anniversary, according to Mic’s survey. Results showed that just a little more than half of people (51%) have farted in front of their significant other in six months or less of dating (22.4% did it after a few weeks, while 29% cut it between two to six months).
Meanwhile, 25.2% of respondents waited between six to 12 months to cut the cheese, when they really felt comfortable in their relationship.
They even included this wildly in depth graph.
Six months? I can deal with that. After all, at that point, I’m pretty much pot-invested in the relationship and throwing it in the trash over a little fart would just be irresponsible both financially and emotionally at this juncture in my life. Luckily, the depth of Mic’s study didn’t end there.
The unknown 7% on this graph actually represents the population of people that reported, “I never ever ever will fart in front of a significant other.” — a move that I respect and will not condemn them for. Naturally, the majority of people said they were down to fart after they began having regular sleepovers, with a close second claiming that it’s only okay after they’ve heard the other party fart — a dangerous tango that could end in disaster.
All of this information confirmed a 2005 study done by Social Problems regarding the same topic.
A 2005 study from the journal Social Problems polled 172 college students and found that more than 55% of straight women and non-straight men were uncomfortable farting in front of people, feeling it made them less attractive and didn’t conform to their gender ideals. Straight men, on the other hand, were most likely to think their own farts were funny.
And sure, when I’m riding in my car solo and I drop a bomb, I laugh to myself while cracking the window. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that I’m one of the people who will plan the time and place for my farts when I’m accompanied by my other half. And if that makes me a wimp, I’m fine with that. .
[via Mic]
Image via Shutterstock
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
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This is the kind of info we need!
I could really use when it’s ok to poop at her place next.
You have to be very careful. Study the drop zone thoroughly for escape routes: is there a plunger? box of matches? adequate ventilation? extra TP? a toilet brush? a low hanging window if you go nuclear? Gotta keep your head on a swivel.
http://www.poopourri.com/
One of my past girlfriends farted so loudly she woke herself up while sleeping on the couch. I never let her live it down.
Good Will Hunting
First girlfriend I had queefed in front of me 2 weeks into the relationship. She openly admitted to it. Brought us that much closer.
Jesus…Jesus. What kind of whoers are washing your feet these days?
Your mother
Well I literally don’t think she could do better…Son of God, King of Kings
REKT
One of the categories in the second graph is “after we’ve shared a toothbrush…”. Is sharing toothbrushes something regular people do and I’m out of the loop; or did they just survey a bunch of psychopaths?
No… no they do not. That is gross
Seriously. My wife once used my toothbrush by accident, so I went out and got a new one. There’s just something not quite right about it.
BUT YOU WOULD KISS YOUR WIFE WOULDN’T YOU?
But you wouldn’t lick her teeth
I hope Todd gets out of that cliff hanger by farting. She’s way too basic to ever be ok with it.
Better question. Is it ever appropriate to fart in smelling range of her parents?
How else do you establish air superiority over her father?
Crop dusted an ex one morning while we were hungover and she was brushing her teeth. Ever seen someone throw up a toothbrush?
Rule of thumb for women, don’t fart in front of him until he has 25 times and is open about it or makes jokes about it. I had one boyfriend who was not okay with that kind of stuff, so after dinner on the way back to his place, I would ask him to stop at a gas station or grocery store so I could get a water/Tylenol/wine/anything so I could do what I needed to do in the bathroom there. It saved me from a lot of stomach aches… “I’ll just run in real quick, you can just stay in the car”
Sounds like that guy sucks. I, on the other hand, am perfectly open to what the body naturally does.
Will never drop heat in front of my wife. It makes it that much more magical whenever I have the place to myself and can do it. However, I’ll be damned if I don’t rumble the bed sheets the second I regain consciousness every morning.
I’ve been with my soon to be wife for over 8 years now. She’s hasn’t once. Not even once, not even a little, not be accident. God bless her for it too. Way to keep the fantasy alive.