Five People That Had A Worse Weekend Than You: You Can’t Win ‘Em All

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Happy Monday, kids. Usually I recount how my weekend wasn’t all that horrible, and then segue into some people that had a worse weekend than me (and you). But this weekend, I need to count myself among the five people that had a worse weekend than you. By Friday, I’d reached the “dying to get out of the house” phase of surgery recovery, which resulted in seeing a meh movie on Saturday (don’t waste your $ on Dirty Grandpa – even a naked Zac Efron couldn’t save it for me) and being sick/sore from overdoing it on Sunday. And then, of course, there was this…

Me (And All Other Patriots Fans)

Rather than recount the Patriots 18-20 loss to the Broncos (and likely break down in tears in the process), I’ll instead share some tweets that adequately describe my grief.

Carson Palmer

At least the NFC Championship was close, a nail biter down the final moment. Not so much for the Cardinals/Panthers game, where Palmer basically got his ass handed to him.

After the game, Palmer took the blame for his piss-poor performance, which included just one touchdown and four interceptions. Per Dan Hanzus of NFL.com. “This is as low as you can feel,” Palmer said. “I kept digging us a hole.”

At the very least, Palmer wasn’t a part of what was arguably the most embarrassing moment of the game – Cam Newton obliviously dabbing while everyone else on the field was involved in a scuffle.

Well, that’s one way to not mess up your perfect smile. [via The Bleacher Report]

These Girls

Remember your senior year of high school? When you took all kinds of pictures of commemorate the fact that #seniorsrule? Just like this group of girls from Desert Vista High School in Phoenix, AZ:

In case you can’t read it, the girls are spelling out “Best You’ve Ever Seen Class of 2016.” No biggie, right? Until six of the ladies decided to do this:

And the shit hit the fan. The girls, of course, have been punished; according to The New York Daily News, “the school district said it won’t release the details of the disciplinary sentence the girls received, but the Phoenix paper wrote that it was rumored to be a five-day suspension.” But a lot of people don’t consider that to be punishment enough – a petition on change.org is calling for the girls’ expulsion and had more than 10,000 signatures by Saturday afternoon.

Sigh. When are people going to learn that pictures always come back to bite you in the ass? [via New York Daily News]

Daniel Radcliffe

It makes senses that the parts that Daniel Radcliffe chooses post-Harry Potter would be as different from his star-making role as possible. I mean, when your entire career is based on you playing a teenage wizard, you want to try and avoid being pigeon-holed. But Radcliffe’s latest choice is not going over too well with movie-goers.

According to US Weekly, “Radcliffe’s new movie, Swiss Army Man, is getting plenty of buzz at the 2016 Sundance Film Festival, but for all the wrong reasons.” The plot of the film is about a suicidal man, played by Paul Dano, who discovers a dead body, “played” by Radcliffe, on a deserted island. The man then rides the body across the sea, propelled by the body’s farts. No, you aren’t still drunk from yesterday – I said by the dead body’s farts.

An eyewitness told the magazine that “Many people walked out during the farting montage. At least 25 percent of the theater,” going on to say that the movie is “a trippy stream of consciousness.” The movie also features scenes with Dano and Radcliffe having a long conversation about flatulence and pooping, a scene where Dano drinks water that shoots out of Radcliffe’s mouth, and, according to US “another where the Harry Potter alum gets an erection reading an old copy of Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit issue.”

Mmmm, I think I’m gonna take a hard pass, but you keep doing you, Danny-boy. [via US Weekly]

This Girl

Walk of shame. Stride of pride. Whatever you call it, that walk home the next day after a hook up can be uncomfortable under the best of circumstances, particularly if you are girl. Usually, we’ve got to take that stroll in our “going out” clothes, which likely involve high heels and a significant of skin showing along with the overwhelming feelings of regret. Which sucks in its own right – but imagine doing in a blizzard?

A video emerged on Saturday morning showing an unidentified woman headed home in Morgantown, West Virginia in the middle of Winter Storm Jonas:

According to The Daily Mail, “Clutching a jacket and pumps, the girl can be seen jumping from one foot to the other as she looks around for someone or something.” Her dignity, perhaps? [via Daily Mail] .

Image via Shutterstock

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.

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