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Happy Monday, my friends. And it’s the first day of summer! Of course, that doesn’t mean jack when you’ve got an office job and a cubicle with no windows that makes it hard to ascertain what season it is. But alas, even if you spent your Sunday actually fearing the first day of beach season simply because it is a Monday, there will always be some people that had a worse weekend than you did.
The USGA
I was immersed in an SVU marathon yesterday, so I missed the apparent descent into madness that became the final round of the U.S. Open.
According to USA Today, here’s what I missed:
Facing a three-foot par putt on the fifth hole Sunday, [Dustin] Johnson grounded his putter to the side of the ball as part of his routine, then started to put his putter behind the ball – not yet touching the ground – when the ball moved ever so slightly backward.
Johnson immediately stopped his routine and called over a USGA rules official who was walking with the group. Johnson told him that he had not caused the ball to move. The official quickly made the determination that Johnson’s assessment of the situation made sense and allowed him to play on without a penalty.
Less than two hours later, however, another rules official approached Johnson on the 12th tee to tell him the USGA was once again looking at what happened on the fifth green. Instead of assessing a penalty at that time, though, the official told Johnson that the USGA wanted to look at the video of what happened on No. 5 with Johnson immediately after the round.
WTF? In the end, it didn’t really matter, as the players trailing Johnson fell apart and he was alone on top of the leaderboard. DJ won his first major, and some also retribution against the USGA who not only jerked him around for two hours deciding if they were going to assess him an extra stroke, but also screwed him out of a chance at a major during the 2010 U.S. Open after he grounded his club in a poorly-defined waste bunker.
Of course, DJ may have won the Open, and made USGA officials look like morons in the process, but the real winners? Dudes that like to look at Paulina Gretzky.
[via USA Today]
Attanai Thaiyuanwong
All of us have had someone unwanted show up at our front door. Someone trying to talk us into their religion, a kid hawking candy or magazines, an ex. But I don’t think that most of us have ever had a visitor like this before:
งูเข้าบ้านมันตกกระแสไปแล้ว #นี่สิกำลังมา
Posted by เรื่องเด่นเป็นคลิป on Tuesday, June 14, 2016
A Thai man named Attanai Thaiyuanwong discovered this giant monitor lizard trying to open the door of his home in Nonthaburi over the weekend. Thai tradition states that monitor lizards actually bring good fortune to those that happen to encounter them, but when they are the size of a small human and trying to open the door of your house with their mouth…not so much. [via Mashable]
Chipotle
It’s been a rough year for Chipotle, with all of those people getting sick from their food and all. And the hits just keep on coming, as the burrito giant has lost its place as the most popular Mexican-inspired restaurant in the U.S.
In fact, Chipotle dropped all the way to number five in the survey conducted by Harris Poll. The new number 1? Moe’s Southwest Grill, followed by Taco Bell, Qdoba (YASSSSSSSSSSSS), and Baja Fresh. Chipotle is still kicking the crap out of Moe’s money-wise ($4.5 billion versus $640 million), but in the hearts and minds of Americans, Moe’s (and not getting a foodborne illness) is tops.
[via Mental Floss]
Nick Young
Nick Young isn’t exactly having a great 2016, either. Earlier this year, his Lakers teammate D’Angelo Russell secretly recorded a video of him seemingly confessing to cheating on fiancé Iggy Azalea. Then Kobe retired, meaning the Lakers are likely to suck even harder than they do already. And now comes the cherry on top of his shit sundae: Azalea finally dumped his ass.
According to Gossip Cop, Azalea wrote in a statement, “Unfortunately, although I love Nick and I have tried and tried to rebuild my trust in him – It’s become apparent in the last few weeks I am unable to. I genuinely wish Nick the best. It’s never easy to part ways with the person you planned you’re entire future with, but futures can be rewritten and as of today mine is a blank page.” Young, in response, simply tweeted the word “Single.”
Doesn’t look like there’s any rings – championship or wedding – in Young’s immediate future.
[via Gossip Cop]
Ayesha Curry
Proud of our men! #DUBNATION #WARRIORS … That was an insane season. Can't deny it. Proud proud proud. Heart. Fight and Passion.
— Ayesha Curry (@ayeshacurry) June 20, 2016
Twitter ain’t so fun when you lose, is it? Congrats, Cavs..
[Image via YouTube]
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Jenna Crowley
Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.
@JennaLCrowley
@donttakeitfromus
I think that instead of Ayesha Curry, you should’ve put “every single Warriors fan.” That was painful. But congrats to the Cavs and the city of Cleveland. You are no longer the butt of all sports jokes. That distinction has now shifted to San Diego.
Does San Diego even have fans though?
The Cleveland joke was so easy because A: The city is such a shithole, and B: The fans never shut the fuck up and bring it upon themselves since it’s the only attention they’ll ever get.
No idea, but I heard on the radio this morning (listening to sports radio on the way to work. PGP) that now that the Cavs have won, San Diego is the next American city with the longest sports championship drought.
I think America should decide to keep it in Ohio and give the honor to Cincinnati.
It’s actually been only 26 years since a championship in Cinci (1990 Reds). You gotta get in line, there’s quite a few cities ahead of you (San Diego, Buffalo, Minneapolis).
Pretty sure the Twins won a World Series. And does Buffalo count with a football and hockey team only? Sorry, hockey fans but most people don’t care about you.
Good call about the Twins, not sure why they were included on whatever site I saw these facts on. Disagree about hockey though. Just because ESPN doesn’t care about it, doesn’t mean that there aren’t large and loyal fan bases out there.
Twins won in ’91. Minneapolis has the longest drought for cities that have 3 or more pro sports teams. That’s likely where you saw that.
People who had the best weekend imaginable: Everyone in the 216. Watching the game downtown with Pops on Father’s Day made every torturous minute of being a Cleveland sports fan worth it 100 times over.
Check out the terrified dog in the window staring at the Godzilla mutant lizard that’s knocking on the front door.
“Hlp”
I don’t care what any athlete’s wife has to say on Twitter. PTI’s #1 talking point on Friday was literally “Curry’s wife’s tweet”. Sports media is such a joke.
Moe’s is fucking disgusting. Qdoba is where it’s at. I say this as someone who eats burritos at least 3 days a week. We have a local chain in NYC Dos Toros that puts them all to shame though.
Dos Toros is the best. Agree 100%
Yassssssssssssssssssss, Qdoba.
Moe’s is only good for their salsa selection, and Qdoba for their queso. Nothing else at either place has any flavor. Chipotle is my ride or die.
Qdoba has more options than Chipotle and it’s a flat rate for everything, so no paying extra for guac.
I can respect free guac.