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After living through college and your first few years of underpaid, full-time employment, you’re likely all familiar with boxed wine. From slapping the bag at frat parties to winding down after work with wine that costs less than the equivalent of $5 a bottle, boxed wine has been there for us through thick and thin. On one hand, having a near-constant stream of inexpensive vino available at all times is a huge plus. On the other, it’s also fairly easily to accidentally drink yourself into an alcoholic stupor as you have no idea how much you’re actually consuming.
The danger of boxed wine is now about to multiplied by a thousand, because someone at Fireball had the amazing, yet equally horrifying, idea to start boxing Fireball and selling it to the general public. While great for parties and beer pong, the thought of someone purchasing this for everyday consumption is probably the worst idea I could possible imagine – especially since the “Firebox” contains 3.5 liters of whiskey.
Although I would call myself a creative individual, I can imagine absolutely no scenario in which purchasing a box of Fireball could possibly lead to anything good. What I can imagine are bouts of destruction, broken relationships, and projectile vomiting cinnamon-flavored liquid all over your new living room carpet. This is a nice try, Fireball, but for the sake of my personal well-being, as well as the well-being of everyone else I come into contact with, this one’s going to have to be a no for me. .
[via Bevmo]
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Steph W.
Steph W. is a new Master's degree graduate with an intern's salary and six-figure taste. She realizes her expectations far exceed reality, so she spends her days pinning away Loubs she pretends are in her physical closet instead of her virtual one. Her hobbies include attempting to trapping her boyfriend into marriage before he finds out how insane she is and pretending that Black Box wine tastes as good as the kind she could afford when she was gainfully employed. Send her tips for getting out of student debt at recruitchairtsm@gmail.com
@therecruitchair
Some men just want to watch the world burn.
~Hello darkness my old fried~
The real question is will Rumpleminze do this at Christmas time?
Slap the bag has taken an amazingly yet deadly turn.
I’m just glad this didn’t exist when I was in undergrad, or I would definitely be dead by now
via GIPHY
People are going to die
I couldn’t stop laughing. I don’t care.
Yeah…There’s no way THAT will go poorly
any idea what a box will cost?
They’ve had these since just after the beginning of the year I think. I saw one for $45 or $50 (can’t remember) in Texas.
For the love of all that’s good in the world, stay away from this evil. Definitely don’t attach it to an IV rack and give people at a party prescriptions for “dehydration.” It will not end well for anyone involved.
Also, I’m pretty sure it’s not any cheaper than buying an equivalent amount in a container that doesn’t shame you and your ancestors.
Drinking Fireball at all shames you and your ancestors.
Looks like the legal dept. called it an early day over at Fireball Inc.
Shit.